


Milton Manor

by dreamofflight



Category: Supernatural
Genre: AU, Anal Sex, Angst, Best Friends, Drama, Dub con elements, F/M, Homophobia, Kid Fic, M/M, Oral Sex, Romance, Violence, alternative universe, period fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-30
Updated: 2013-05-30
Packaged: 2017-12-13 11:25:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage
Chapters: 15
Words: 59,617
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/823754
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dreamofflight/pseuds/dreamofflight
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Title: Milton Manor<br/>Authors: camuizuuki & dream_0f_flight<br/>Rating: NC-17<br/>Genre: period piece, AU, romance, drama<br/>Pairing: Dean/Castiel (one-sided Dean/Anna)<br/>Warnings: angst, torture, porn<br/>Word Count: 60,370<br/>Summary: When stable boy Dean Winchester and Lord Milton's son Castiel first meet they become friends instantly. But seven years away at boarding school change the young master and their bond seems to have faded into obscurity. Can Dean find his way back into Castiel's heart or is there nothing left to return to?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

_1815_

It was late afternoon when his Father called for him, and Castiel knew by the way the servant fidgeted with her apron that his Father wasn’t in a good mood. He always yelled when he was in a bad mood, and that set the servants on edge; but at least Castiel had a warning before he entered his Father’s study. He tread lightly at first, but eventually, when he realized he wasn’t being heard, Castiel spoke out of turn.

“Father, I don’t want to learn to ride a horse. I would rather be inside, reading and finishing my lessons with Professor Robert.”

His tone was polite but firm, and he stood with his hands unclenched at his sides as his Father had taught him, bright blue eyes trained on his Father’s, ‘always make eye contact’, the phrase that had been drilled into him from the time he could understand it repeated in his Father’s voice inside his head as he stood there.

“…Castiel?”

There was a pause as the young boy collected himself again, the severity of his Father’s cold voice having shook him slightly. The man had steepled his fingers in front of his face, lips drawn tight into a thin line, brow furrowed just slightly, which made Castiel’s stomach dip in fear.

“Yes Father?”

He tried to temper his response, keep his voice from wavering, and succeeded only slightly.

“…You will learn to ride. There will be no further arguments about this matter. Now, go and change into proper riding gear, and then meet John and his son out at the stables. You will learn how to ride a horse, and you will learn today.”

“….Yes Father.”

That was the way it always was. Castiel had an idea, and his Father shot it down. At the age of 7 he already knew his alphabet, how to count to 100, and how to read and write well enough to get by in the world. He wanted to learn more though, and his private tutor was more than willing to teach him, glad to have a student that was eager to learn more, rather than having to be forced to sit still and absorb knowledge that the student was rather reluctant to learn in the first place.

Castiel liked staying indoors. He was not a rough and tumble young man, which was obviously something his Father found extremely distasteful, so at every turn of a corner he found ways to try to roughen Castiel up, teach him to be both a gentleman, and a businessman- ruthless and cunning.

To be the son of one of the richest men in the Northern States, you had to know you would be groomed from the time you were young to take over the empire of your Father. Being the youngest of several brothers, however, Castiel didn’t have the same kind of pressure as his older brothers. Michael was already off at boarding school, and had been from the time he turned 10 years old, and Gabriel had been sent off just last year at 11. Castiel knew his time would come all too soon, but was trying to enjoy what little freedom he had, while he could.

And that freedom seemed to be wittled away daily with more and more lessons and more and more things he had to learn how to do. First it had been history lessons, and then proper dinner etiquette. Now it was riding lessons, and soon after, hunting.

He nodded to his Father and left the study for his bedroom, knowing that the sooner he learned to do this rather ‘important skill’, as his Father had said, the sooner her would be back inside with his books.

It doesn’t take long for the young boy to change into proper clothing with the help of his nursemaid, Ellen. The boots he wore hurt his ankles, and the pants didn’t fit right across his butt, but he went anyway at Ellen’s kind urging, and made his way away from the large white colonial two story house that was Milton Manor, down the long sloping dirt path to the expansive stables that were just beyond a copse of large elm trees.

Entering the stables the first thing that hit Castiel was how dim it was inside, despite the sun still being high over head. He had to blink several times in order to see, but by then his eyes were watering anyway from the smell. Horses stunk, no matter what you did, or how clean you kept the stables, it was a fact of nature- horses smelled. Underneath the smell of fresh horse manure and urine though, there was a deep rich smell of wood and earth, leather and lamp oil; and once the sting of the horse smell passed, the other smells weren’t that bad. Castiel brushed a small hand through his thick black hair that Ellen continued to try to part and slick down, but that always sprung back up and stuck out at all angles, making him look the part of a ‘terrified fowl’, according to Ellen, who seemed to think herself a comedian as well as a nursemaid.

Castiel cleared his throat and spoke out in a small voice that he quickly corrected, remembering another of his Father’s lessons; ‘Always speak as though the President himself were listening to you’.

“Hello? I am here for my riding lesson.”

*

It was windy when Dean Winchester exited the servants’ quarters of Milton Manor that morning, following his father to the stables situated in the valley just below the mansion. While John got the first horse out of its box to start grooming it, Dean went to the stables to clear away the dung in the now empty horsebox. He enjoyed working with the animals and helped his father out without complaining, even if that meant to get up before sunrise and work until late night. Finishing the first bay, he went on, guiding horse after horse out in the yard where John took over, and returned to the stables to clean their boxes and taking them back in.

They didn’t talk much, John not really being the most talkative person and loving parent. Since his wife’s death two years ago it had been John, Dean and his younger brother Sam. John made a habit of reminding Dean how lucky they’d been that Charles Milton hadn’t chucked them out the moment things got complicated and somehow managed to take care of his work and his children at the same time. It was hard, though, Sam being left behind almost all day in the care of Ellen Harvelle’s five-year-old daughter Joanna, while John and Dean spent their time at the stables, even though the Milton’s hardly ever appreciated or even used their impressive amount of priced thoroughbred horses. Dean sighed at the thought of such a waste. He’d always loved the horses, the large and delicate bodies of the Arabian’s especially, and dreamed of owning one himself, of chasing through the neatly kept alameda in front of Milton Manor and off towards the sunset, to freedom.

A firm and yet somehow uncertain voice broke the comfortable silence inside the stables and Dean stepped outside the bay he’d been in until now, lowering the pitchfork and taking a gander. The young boy standing in the middle of the stables, staring straight ahead, seemed to be excited, tense even and Dean wasn’t sure if he was amused or especially intrigued by the look of him. His dark hair sticked out in every possible direction and was such a brash contrast to his bright blue eyes. Before Dean could move, he heard his fathers footsteps and slid back into the bay, completely unnoticed by the strange boy. He couldn’t hear every word spoken but soon realized that this was not a new stable boy. As soon as John and the boy had left the stables, Dean followed them, leaving his business inside without permission for the first time in months.

Despite the cold winds still scourging through the low valley, the sun was shining and it wasn’t as cold as this morning, when Dean had still noticed icy dew on the grass. The young boy stood right next to a pony, which John had saddled and bridled, and Dean noticed that his knees were shaking. Without thinking he stepped closer, leaning on the fence of the riding square, now able to hear what John was saying.

“... have to be scared, Sir. Donna is the sweetest, she would never throw you off. Now let me get a riding crop and we can start the lesson. I will be right back...”

Dean slid back down, hiding behind the fence and waiting until his father had re-entered the stables, to climb back up, peeking over the fence. The boy had noticed him and Dean decided it would be best to stop the hide-and-seek.

“Hello”, he said, resting his head on his crossed arms on top of the fence, catching the confused gaze of the strange boy “I’m Dean.”

*

Castiel looked up at the boy standing on the fence, squinting as the sun was right behind him.

“…Hello.”

Wanting to actually be able to see who he was talking to, Castiel walked over to stand right beside the other boy, on the other side of the fence. Up close he could see that the boy had summer tanned skin, freckles dotting his nose and cheeks, and the greenest eyes Castiel had ever seen. Unable to stop himself, Castiel gaped a little bit, before smiling shyly up at Dean.

“…My name is Castiel Milton. Your Father is going to teach me to ride….Do you ride?”

Castiel took hold of one of the fence rails and hauled himself up until he was face to face with Dean. Castiel was about the same size as the other boy, even though he was a year older, but his looks where completely different. Where Dean had work tanned skin, Castiel’s was almost white it had seen the sun so rarely. His eyes were the color of the sky near sunset, deep blue like a sapphire, and his hair was almost black it was so dark, which contrasted with Dean’s sun lightened brown.

Castiel smiled again slightly, the baby fat in his cheeks making his eyes crinkle at the corners a little bit, a dimple standing out in each rosy cheek. He didn’t have any friends, other than seeing Jo and his sister Anna now and then; but he certainly didn’t know any boys his own age.

Maybe this riding thing wouldn’t be so bad. Maybe he could convince his Father to let him play with Dean once the riding was done for the day.

*

Dean didn’t pull back, when the son of his master got so close, instead used this as an opportunity to take a closer look. Castiel Milton was kind of pretty for a boy, Dean had to admit to himself after a slightly awkward, silent moment, before he let his eyes meet Castiel’s again.

“I do”, he eventually said, his cheeks flushing with pride “I’ve been riding since I was three.”

He grinned at the admiration that was showing so blatantly on the older boys’ pale face and shrugged his shoulders.

“You’re going to do great, don’t worry – my father is a great teacher. And I can help you, too.”

It was kind of embarrassing but Dean actually hoped for Castiel to need his help... or at least for him to ask Dean by courtesy. As much as he enjoyed working with his father, the long days were exhausting and coming back only to spend the rest of his wake time with taking care of a crying infant and talking to a bored girl wasn’t exactly what Dean craved. He knew that the son of their master wasn’t exactly what John would call an ‘appropriate acquaintance’ but in the end it was Castiel’s choice... and all Dean could do was offer his company and hope that he didn’t offend the young master by doing so.

*

Castiel grinned right back.

“Okay. That will be most pleasant. Perhaps...”

He paused and tilted his head slightly to one side, as if examining Dean for a moment.

“-Perhaps your Father will give you permission to play once my lesson is complete.”

Castiel rocked back and forth on the fence rail before hopping back down as John comes back out of the barn, riding crop in hand.

It didn’t take long for John to teach Castiel about the saddle, the bit and bridle, how to double check to make sure everything is cinched down and buckled properly, as the worst thing you can do is 'get up on the horse and then fall right back off from a saddle that's too loose.'

This brought a cheerful laugh out of Castiel, and John visibly relaxed, having feared the young master to be too much like his Father, instead, he was proving to be like his Mother, God rest her soul.

“When will I get on the horse Sir?”

Castiel looked up at John, holding the reigns in one hand and feeding the horse a handful of oats with the other, making sure to keep his hand flat and all finger tucked tightly together as John had instructed.

“As soon as you think you're ready, young Sir.”

“Please...don't call me that.”

Castiel wrinkled his nose and shook his head, looking down at the ground.

“I don't like being called that.”

John kneeled beside Castiel and smiled slightly.

“Then what shall I call you?”

“...Castiel is fine, Sir.”

“...Then you shall call me John, instead of Sir, as well,...young Castiel.”

Castiel blinked, then nodded vigorously, following John with his vision and head as the man stood back up, once again towering over the boy.

“...I think I'm ready to try riding.”

“Alright, for now, I'm going to lift you up and place you in the saddle, as you're still just a little bit too short to get up on your own. Next time, I'll teach you how to get up with the help of a stool, alright?”

“That will be fine.”

*

Before Dean could express how much he agreed on this plan, his father exited the stables and made his way back over to the riding square. Dean spent the next half hour sitting on top of the fence, watching his father explaining the basics about dealing with horses and saddling and bridling to the young master – Castiel. When John finally carefully lifted the young boy on top of Donna, Dean could see that most of his fears and doubts were gone by now, his fingers taking hold of the reins firmly, determinedly. Castiel turned his head in his direction and Dean smiled, giving him an enthusiastic thumbs up that made Castiel’s face flush proudly. John took care of explaining to Castiel how to use his legs to get Donna to walk and to trot, which seemed to make him slightly uncomfortable, as everything was shaking and he couldn’t quite figure out how to keep his legs pressing Donna’s sides consistently. So John let him walk with Donna a while, showing him the use of the riding crop and instructing him to only use it if it was necessary, if the horse wouldn’t move on its own at all.

“Nobody likes to get beaten, right?”, he said, smiling sympathetically and patting Donna’s neck.

After about an hour and a half, John helped Castiel back down and Dean noticed with amusement, how wobbly Castiel’s knees were. While John unsaddled Donna and lead her back to the stables, Dean hopped off the fence and walked over to stand in front of Castiel.

“That’s normal, you’ll get used to it”, he says encouragingly and pats his shoulder “You did great for your first time.”

*

“…Thank you.”

Castiel smiled and brushed his riding pants off, handing the riding crop to Dean so he can use both hands.

“…Would…Would you like to come play? If your Father says it’s alright?”

He blinked and smiled again, shrugged his shoulders slightly as if to say ‘I mean, if you want to’. Castiel hadn’t had a real friend yet, and Dean was the only boy around his age for miles. Some of his Father’s business friends had children, but they were snooty, wrapped up in how much money their families made and how much more money their families made than other families. It was a competition, and Castiel didn’t like it. He also didn’t like that they made fun of him for appreciating his Teacher, Robert. Robert was kind, but stern when he needed to be. Castiel didn’t understand why the other children he saw at his Father’s fancy parties were so rude to their Teachers or Nursemaids. He loved the people who raised him…more than his Father anyway.

Castiel fidgeted slightly, picking at a loose thread on his shirt cuff, subsequently tugging it and pulling the button off of the cuff.

“Oh…darnit.”

He blushed and clapped a hand over his mouth, eyes wide as he looked up at Dean, before speaking low and quiet.

“You musn’t tell my Father I said that…”

*

Dean blinked for a moment, then chuckled and shook his head at Castiel’s reaction.

“Hey, don’t worry - have you ever seen me inside the house? See? And why would I tell your father, anyway?”

He smiled and winked at the older boy, taking the riding crop and Castiel’s helmet and walking towards the stables, making sure Castiel was following him, before he put both onto a shelf in the equipment room.

“Wait a moment”, he told him, motioning him to stay where he was and walking over to Donna’s bay John was standing in front of.

“Dad? I finished all the stables..”

John nodded, content but expectant. He knew that this wasn’t about Dean’s work.

“So.. since the young master did so well today and-.. he’s got some free time… I mean… can I..”

“Jesus, Dean, just go, okay?”

John sighed and rolled his eyes, patting Dean’s shoulder.

“Just make sure not to leave the grounds. And don’t get the young master’s clothing dirty. And take care of him. And don’t stay too long-“

Before John could continue his rant, Dean grinned at him, turned on his heel and walked back to where he’d left Castiel standing. He raised a hand between Castiel’s shoulderblades, clapped once and started running.

“Bet you can’t catch me!”

*

Castiel jumped, startled, and stumbled forward from the slap on his back. He stood back up quickly though, frowning after Dean, before shouting as he ran after the other boy.

“Hey! This isn’t fair you cheated!”

He ran quickly, despite being weighed down by the riding clothes and boots, and it’s soon obvious that Castiel has baby fat still, but it doesn’t weigh him down any, as he caught up to Dean before the other boy is even halfway down the dirt path toward the woods.

Castiel grinned over his shoulder as he passed Dean, and kept running, wind whistling in his ears as he padded his way, graceful and stumbling all at once, over waist high weeds and into the forest of trees toward the back of his Father’s property.

He stopped running almost instantly once the trees overhead, thick with leaves even as they head toward autumn, cast a deep shadow over the area. It was cool here, under the canopy of ash and elm, oak and tall, tall evergreens.

“My Father forbid me to come here…”, Castiel mumbled, then looked up as Dean came to a slightly wheezing stop beside him.

“It is a good thing he isn’t here.”

Castiel grinned at Dean and started walking again, further into the forest, when the younger boy reaches out and taps his shoulder.

“Hey, at least carry a weapon…”

Dean holds out a three foot long stick, sturdy and only slightly crooked. Castiel grins and takes it, waits until Dean picks up another stick for himself, then the pair walk further on, into the deep, cool forest.

*

Dean loved the forest. Whenever his father allowed him to take the horses out for a walk - never riding them of course, that was a privilege reserved for the Milton family - Dean took them here. The ground was smooth and soft and the horses seemed to enjoy walking on the squishy leaves just as much as Dean did. He followed Castiel, astonished that he’d never even been here, wondering what else he’d missed out.

“Don’t you, like… ever go outside? I mean, what do you do all day?”

He bit his lip, unsure if this was an appropriate question, if Castiel would be offended by Dean’s naïvety but he seemed rather calm when he replied that he was getting home-schooled and learned things like the proper table manners and social etiquettes. Dean couldn’t suppress a low sigh and rolled his eyes, which made Castiel eye him curiously.

“No offense but I’d rather be at the stables all day, smelling the dung and working hard than sitting in that house and never seeing the sunlight”, he said, voice quiet and a bit gloomy, as he imagined how lonely it must be, how frustrating for a boy his age, to not have the possibility to let go sometimes, to just be a child. He catches Castiel’s gaze, as Dean lets himself sink down against a tree trunk, putting his ‘weapon’ aside and wrapping his arms around his bent legs.

“Anyway.. I’m glad you can come outside now.”

*

“I read and write and learn from my Professor… His name is Robert. He is very wise. Father says I have to learn everything I can before I go to school… He doesn’t want me to be behind the other children. That would embarrass him.”

Casiel swung his stick at a fern nearby, frown on his face, then dropped it and sat down on the ground next to Dean, smiling slightly.

“Father hasn’t forbade me from playing… he just doesn’t approve of my using time in such a manner… He says it is unproductive.”

Castiel sighed and leaned forward, drew his knees up and wrapped his thin arms around them before he propped his head up on his crossed arms. He looked over at Dean and smiled again, shrugged with his shoulders.

“What do you do outside all day though? What games do you play?”

He wasn’t used to this, idle chatter like this. Especially not with someone his age, that didn’t speak in a string of words where every other word was ‘My Father’ or ‘money’ or ‘rich’. Dean was… different. He had an ease about him in this new place, like he belonged here amongst the grasses and trees and insects.

*

Dean didn’t respond to Castiel’s question, his mind still on how sad and lonesome Castiel’s words sounded… it made him a bit sad… it just sounded like there was no fun at all in the older boys life and that was simply something, Dean couldn’t even imagine. He frowned as Castiel looked back at him, noticing that the smile didn’t reach his eyes, the blue still shimmering with something like regret and sorrow.

“You must be.. very lonely”, he said eventually, biting his lower lip and searching Castiel’s gaze, before he nudged his own knees carefully against Castiel’s.

They were silent for a few moments, looking at each other, both of them unsure of how to break the gloomy atmosphere. Then Dean cleared his throat and got up quickly, brushing the dirt off his clothes before stretching out one hand in Castiel’s direction.

“Don’t worry- I’ll make sure you catch up quickly, okay? And we’ll start with playing tag, do you know how to play tag?”

After helping Castiel standing up and brushing the dirt off his clothes as well, Dean explained the rules of playing tag and demonstrating it several times, as Castiel didn’t realize he had to run from Dean at first. Soon he did get a hang on the game and as it turned out, Castiel was quite fast, making it nearly impossible for Dean to catch him or to escape, when it was his turn. Soon Dean gave up, leaning against a tree trunk and just breathing. When he looked up into Castiel’s red face, his eyes were shimmering and the smile on his lips was so bright and gleeful, that Dean didn’t have the heart to tell him he wanted to play another game, something Dean would actually succeed once or twice for a change.

“You’re.. pretty good”, he grinned in between taking deep breaths and felt a rush of joy as his words seemd to lighten up Castiel’s face even more.

*

Castiel almost vibrated he was so excited, his entire body unable to hold still as he bounced around Dean.

“This is quite fun, Dean…. I can see why children play this game.”

It was almost as if he wasn’t a child himself, the way Castiel spoke about himself. He used proper words and enunciated everything perfectly, having been told time and again that ‘men do not mumble’.

Castiel ploped down on the ground beside Dean though, having recognized that the other boy was having trouble breathing.

“Would you like to take a moment to rest?”

Castiel tilted his head to the side and then leaned back on his hands, to run his fingers through the grass beneath him. He then pulled his arms up and laid back on the ground to look up at the canopy of trees.

“I like it here…. I will ask my Father if I can come play more… with you.”

He turned his head to smile at Dean, his blue eyes danced with mischief and happiness.

*

Finally having caught his breath again, Dean turned his head to face Castiel and returned the smile with an equally wide grin.

“That sounds great”, he agreed, trying to cloak his relief about Castiel’s decision. His sides hurt from running too fast and breathing too little but he didn’t care, as long as Castiel smiled and enjoyed this.

They stayed a while longer like this, Dean too leaning back, lying down next to Castiel and staring up, letting the faint sunlight reaching through the leaves dapple his reddened cheeks.

When he sat back up, his breath had become calm and steady again and he wanted to pat Castiel’s thigh, suggesting another round of tag, when he realized that the other boy’s eyes were closed.

“Castiel?”, he asked, quietly, carefully, uncertain if he’d fallen asleep of simply was resting “Cas?”

The nickname slipped out without Dean really having planned it, or even thought about it and as soon as Castiel opened his eyes, staring up at Dean, the younger boy clapped a hand on his mouth, averting his eyes ashamed.

“Sry”, he mumbled, turning his head and staring straight ahead into a couple of bushed, anywhere but the master’s son.

*

“….I like that….. Cas, was it?”

Castiel sat back up and crossed his legs, rocked on his behind slightly so his legs came off the ground, hands clasped onto where his ankles crossed each other. There was a grin on his face as he looked at Dean, a warmth spreading through him.

“…A short name…. Robert says that short names are used when you are… familiar… with a person… or you like them.”

He smiled softly and looks down at the ground, then back up at Dean with just his eyes.

“I like you, Dean…. the name is… good.”

Cas shrugged with his shoulders to bring them up near his ears as he rocked again, body pulled in on itself just slightly as his knees came up.

“It is getting late…”

He looked up at the canopy, hardly any light filtering through now, and fireflies were starting to light up in the bushes, along with crickets just beginning their nightly tunes. The sun set soon, and a bit of panic went through Castiel as he realized that dinner would be served at the main house, and that he would miss it if he didn’t hurry back.

*

Dean didn’t answer at first, kept his eyes directed straightly at the bushes a few feet away, trying to get his blushing cheeks under control. Castiel wasn’t angry at him, he liked the nickname. And he liked Dean. Dean cleared his throat, kicking away a small stone, still not looking back at the other boy.

“Ilikeyoutoo”, he said, the declaration seeming more like one long word rather than more.

They didn’t talk for a while after, until Castiel’s voice broke the silence once again. Dean nodded, waiting for him to get up, before finally turning to look at him again.

“We should get back- don’t want your father to be mad at you..”

They made their way back up to the hill top quietly and quickly, chasing the last rays of sunshine, as the night crept after them. Dean stopped at the iron fence surrounding Milton Manor and shifted on his legs uncomfortably.

“So.. see you tomorrow?”, he said, sounding unsure and hopeful, as he looked down into the slightly smaller boy’s blue eyes.

*

Castiel smiled and nodded, holding out his hand for a formal handshake.

“Yes, I would like that very well.”

To his surprise, the other boy stared at the hand, then looked up into his eyes with a blank look.

“It’s a handshake, Dean…haven’t you shaken hands?”

Dean shook his head and smiled.

“I know what a handshake is….”

He looked around the area and, confident that there was no one around, took a step forward to hug Cas instead, leaving the other boy blushing and blinking in surprise.

Cas was still standing there, staring, as Dean ran off back down the dirt path, occasionally looking back over his shoulder with a grin.

Castiel finally managed to turn around and walk up the small path to the house, being ushered in the back kitchen door by Ellen. She helped him quickly change into clean dinner clothes, and gave his riding clothes to some of the staff for cleaning.

“Castiel, what on God’s green Earth were you doing that you managed to get that dirty?”

“Playing, Ellen. I was playing with Dean, John the stable master’s boy.”

He smiled so happily that it stunned Ellen for a moment. She was like a Mother to Cas, and yet she hadn’t seen him this happy since he much younger. At only 7, Castiel was already a serious boy, and rarely smiled unless he was alone with Robert or Ellen. But here, surrounded by other servants, he was grinning away. Ellen felt her heart skip a beat, so pleased that Castiel had made a friend.

“Alright…go on and go to dinner….We will speak about your play time later.”

Cas nodded, and then dashed off to dinner, smile still plastered on his face.

*

Dean had kept walking until he’d reached the stables and only stopped when he reached the fence of the riding square, before he turned around and looked back up. He could just see the heel of Castiel’s riding boots disappear inside, before the door got closed and Castiel was gone. He sighed quietly, only now realizing that he had held his breath from the moment he’d wrapped his arms around the other boy until just now. His lips twitched as he remembered how stiff and unmoving Cas had been, almost overwhelmed by such a friendly gesture.

Dean pushed himself off the fence, walking inside the stables to find his father closing the box door of one of the prizewinning arab stallions. He didn’t seem overly pleased seeing Dean returning only now but he didn’t say anything, for which Dean was thankful. They returned to the servants’ quarters around 10 pm and found Joanna playing boredly with baby Sam, who was still much more awake than his playmate. Dean joined them on the small mattress, Sam and Dean shared as a bed and quietly thanked her, before she slipped out of the bed and shuffled over to the door and outside the Winchester’s room.

John fell into bed without any more words, his breath becoming steady and quiet, as he fell asleep rather quickly. Dean lay awake for a long time, though. He thought back to meeting Castiel, to playing tag, making him smile, laugh, blush. He fell asleep holding Sammy in one arm, a warm smile on his lips and a chant of ‘tomorrow I’m going to see Cas again’ in his head.

 


	2. Chapter 2

The next day went much the same as the last; Castiel spent his morning in his lessons with Robert, being pulled away by Ellen for lunch, and smiling at the interaction between a rather forward Ellen, and a stuttering and bumbling Robert.

After lunch he changed into his riding clothes, and then ran, instead of trudging slowly as he had the day before, down to the stables.

Castiel was a quick study, and was trotting his horse by the end of the lesson, his body bumping along to the rhythm of the horse’s gait with an ease that had even John amazed.

“Young Castiel, you are a natural at this.”

“Thank you!”

Castiel grinned, pleased at the praise, something he craved from the people he admired. Robert was kind, but did not often offer praise, and his Father had yet to even tell Castiel that he loved him. Only Ellen was open with her affections for the young boy, and for that Castiel was greatful.

The lesson ended and this time Castiel changed into the clothes he brought with him, worn in pants and a cotton shirt that were play clothes that Ellen had brought him, specifically for this purpose.

Castiel and Dean played tag for some time, but by the time Dean called it off, Castiel was bored with the game anyway.

“What else can we do?”

Dean smirked and put his closed fists on his waist, sticking out his chest.

“Tree climbing.”

*

Dean had thought about this all day long, while cleaning the horseboxes and taking out dung, before feeding the horses and brushing the dirt off their bodies. He obviously sucked at tag, at least against Castiel, who was as quick as a flash, and apart from hating to lose, Dean didn’t want Cas to get bored. So he’d thought of other things to do, climbing being one of the more obvious ideas, as they’d spend the rest of the day in the forest anyway. Hide and seek was another one, but he’s save that for until it got darker and harder for them to see each other.

Dean was quite pleased when he noticed that Castiel wasn’t as naturally talented in climbing as he was in running and catching Dean. He enjoyed being the one to explain how to do it, where to put his feet and what branches to grab, while making his way up the tree trunk. Castiel was a quick learner with this as well but still his reflexes and instinct weren’t as good as Deans, plus he seemed to be a bit obstructed to grab the branches hard enough, his delicate skin not being used to such rough surfaces. When Dean reached the crown of a rather small tree, he stretched out one hand to help the older boy up the last few feet, before grinning at him and pulling away the wall of leaves to reveal a gorgeous view over their surroundings.

“Worth it?”, he asked, wiping beads of sweat off his forehead.

*

The gasp that Castiel gave was audible, and he gripped onto Dean’s forearm for balance as he looked around over the treetops.

“This… is very, very beautiful Dean… thank you.”

He breathes out the last words, soft tone gentle as he looks at Dean. They stay up in the trees for a while, looking at different insects, bird’s nests and plucking crab apples from a tree that was offering tiny tart green ones.

The look on Cas’ face when he bit into the apple made Dean fall over in laughter, his entire body convulsed as he rolled around, oblivious to Castiel’s sputtering of ‘stop laughing at me!’.

Once the sun started to set, Dean suggested hide and seek, which would turn out to be an awful idea as Castiel was better at hiding than Dean had thought.

An hour after the sun set, and almost two hours after it had been Castiel’s turn to go hide, he finally found the dark haired boy, shivering from the night chill, face stoic. The moment that Cas saw Dean though, he launched himself at the other boy, wrapped his arms around Dean’s neck, and whimpered.

“I don’t like this game…”

*

Dean had to admit that playing hide and seek in the dark, kind of creepy forest hadn’t been his smartest idea. When Castiel leaped into his arms though, pressing his shivering body flush against Dean’s, he decided that at least everything went better than expected in the end…

He didn’t let go of Castiel, as they quickly left the forest, walking the narrow beaten track up to the Milton’s property.

“I’m sorry, Cas”, Dean said quietly, when they reached the iron gate, his hand still around Castiel’s back gently squeezing his shoulder “We won’t play hide and seek again, promise.”

Castiel looked up at him hopefully and Dean smiled back, nudging his side gently.

“Tell you what, tomorrow I’ll bring chalk and we can draw on the trees and stones, okay?”

*

Castiel nodded, then hugged Dean again, arms around his neck once more.

“Goodnight Dean.”

This time it was Castiel that ran away, up the pathway to the wrap around porch that trimmed his house. He stopped once he had hopped up the three steps to the top, turned around and waved at Dean, a grin plastered on his face.

Castiel disappeared inside, only to run smack into strong legs clothed in plain charcoal pants, black shoes that had been buffed to a careful shine, and when Cas looked up, a frown most severe.

“…F-Father!… I’m sorry, I wasn’t-“

“You were not watching where you were going, were you Castiel?”

“…No sir…”

“…Go into the study..”

“Father?! I’m sorry I didn’t-“

Castiel’s voice raised, tinged in fear.

“Castiel.”

His Father’s tone was no-nonsense, firm and unyielding and Castiel knew better than to push his luck any further. He hung his head and walked into the study, his Father following a few paces behind, unbuckling his belt as he went.

The Milton household was quiet for the next 5 minutes, all the servants hovering in the hallways, covering their mouths to gird their gasps as the sounds from the study filtered out from the keyhole and underneath the closed doors.

No one dared say anything though, and soon it was over, the harsh sound of leather hitting skin, and the 7 year olds muffled cries as he tried to bite back any sound, because ‘men don’t cry’, as his Father had told him time and time again.

Castiel was sent to bed without supper that night, and as Ellen tended to his swollen and red backside, he lay quietly on his bed, thinking only one thing: Dean was worth it. He didn’t care if he got whipped every day for being late… as long as he got to see his new friend.

*

Joanna was asleep, when Dean and John returned from work that night, her head resting on her arms, Sammy tucked under a blanket and quietly mumbling to himself. Dean smiled softly as he covered Jo with a larger blanket and then slipped in bed next to her. He slept well that night, thoughts on how Castiel had once again hugged him, on how relieved he’d looked when Dean had found him, when they hadn’t been seperated anymore. He woke up early, getting up and preparing a sparse breakfast for his father and Joanna and feeding Sammy, before one John or Jo even woke up. After taking care of Sammy’s wellbeing, Dean left the small shed and hurried down in the valley. Work was easy nowadays, always with the prospect of seeing Cas later that day. There was no clock at the stables so Dean didn’t know the exact time but soon he realized that Castiel was late today. His father had been waiting in the riding square for almost an hour now, slowly but surely getting unnerved, as he kept waiting for the young master to show up.

*

Ellen came down to the stables about an hour and a half after Castiel should have been there, looking grave. Her face brightened a little when she saw John, and they greeted as the old friends they were.

The discussion is brief, but it’s obvious from the way John’s hands gripped the reins tighter, knuckles whitening, that something was wrong.

Ellen left soon after, returning up the hill to the house, and John turned to his son, handing the reins of the horse off with a soft sigh.

“The young master won’t be joining us today Dean… he is… ill.”

John left Dean’s side to continue his work in the stables, having to re-shoe a horse, another of the stable hands having shown up to help him with the project.

*

For a minute all Dean could do was standing there, reins in hand, staring after his father. He lowered his hand slowly, then finally looked up, where Ellen had disappeared in the fog covering the grounds. Castiel… was ill? Slowly Dean started unsaddling Donna, softly stroking the horse’s side. But he didn’t seem sick the day before… a bit scared, shivering slightly from the cold… but calling in sick? It just… didn’t seem like Castiel. On the other hand- Dean didn’t know him that long. Was it possible, that Castiel was tired of playing with him? He’d seemed so happy to spend his time with him, why should he change his mind so quickly? Then again… rich people seemed to change their minds as often as they changed their underwear, simply because they could, because everyone had to obey, to fulfill their wishes. So.. as terrifying and disappointing it was, it was a possibility. Dean bit his lip so hard he drew blood, wincing quietly. He gripped the reins tight and pulled Donna forwards, leading her back into the stables and into her bay. He spent the rest of the day helping his father as good as he could, throwing himself into work, trying to forget about Castiel. He had no chance of learning about the real reason of Castiel’s absence until later that day, when he practically ran back to the servants’ quarters. Jo was still awake, with Ellen sitting next to her, holding Sammy and feeding him. Dean closed the door behind him and stepped inside, standing there quietly for a moment, before raising his voice.

“What’s wrong with him?”, he asked, hands clasping tight in the fabric of his pants “Ca-.. the young master.. how is he?”

*

Ellen froze, hand that held the spoon she was feeding Sammy with trembled slightly. She cleared her throat and then went back to feeding the infant in her arms, and when she spoke her voice was obviously strained.

“Castiel is sick today Dean… He should be fine in a few days, I am taking care of him.”

You didn’t tell anyone about what happened in the main house, no matter how dark, and Ellen abided by this rule, except for her closest friends, and John was one of those. His son however, didn’t need to know the details of why Castiel wasn’t able to leave the house. He could be spared those details.

Ellen shooed Dean away, and the boy frowned, but listened to her, going and getting his own supper.

Dean laid awake that night, looking out the window at the moon, high above, full and glowing. It lit the night so well it was almost like it was daylight, and he couldn’t help himself as curiosity, and worry, got the better of him.

Slipping out of his quarters was easy enough, Sammy was dead asleep and John rarely woke up once he passed out, so tired was he. Dean slunk up the hill, darted from tree to tree like an Indian, hiding in the shadows. There was a trellis against one of the columns at the front of the house, covered in a climbing rose bush, and that made for the perfect ladder for the light young boy to climb up, easily hoisting himself over the railing of the second story balcony. Like the porch below it, it wrapped around the entire house, making it easy for Dean to go from window to window, carefully looking inside, empty room after empty room, until he came upon the room he wanted.

Castiel’s.

The young boy seemed asleep, curled on his side in his bed, back to the open window, mosquito netting over the window billowing in the night air.

*

The lean frame of the slightly smaller boy was breathing steadily as Dean parted the transparent net and entered the room on tiptoes. He made his way over to the bed, then stopped, suddenly unsure of how to proceed. He didn’t want to frighten Cas more than necessary, so he walked around the large bed, fitted for at least two grown ups, and kneeled in front of the side Castiel’s face was looking.

“Castiel”, he whispered, warm breath ghosting over the pale skin of the older boy but he didn’t move.

“Cas”, he repeated a little louder, voice clouded with worry.

And finally, the young master moved, his eyelids slowly raising, blinking a few times. Then his eyes went wide, as he skidded backwards in a hurry, shocked and completely taken by surprise by the unannounced nightly visit.

“Shhshh, it’s me-.. Dean, it’s okay, it’s just me..”

Dean raised his hands in defence, looking at Cas out of sad yet affectionate eyes. Eventually Cas’ breathing calmed but instead of talking, of somehow acknowledging that Dean had broken in his bedroom, he kept sitting there, staring at him.

“They said you’re sick.. I was worried…”

*

“….You shouldn’t be here Dean…”

Cas looked towards the door, but no light shone in from the hallway, signaling that no one had heard his scuffling back across the bed, or the gasp he had let out when he realized that Dean had come into his bedroom.

Castiel bit his lower lip and then crawled across the bed and sat down beside Dean, gingerly, a slight wince flickered over his face as he settled his weight down on his hip, trying to stay off his rear.

“I am okay…. I just can’t-… I can’t leave the house for a few days.”

He looked down at the bed, brow furrowed in a frown as he plucked at the sheets that were now tangled over his legs.

Cas looked back up at Dean and then smiled slightly, and grabbed one of Dean’s hands and pulled slightly, tugging him up further onto the bed.

“Stay with me for a bit? …I don’t believe I will be able to slumber for some time..”

*

“But..”, Dean began but the look on Castiel’s face stopped him mid-sentence.

There was fear on his features, pure and absolute terror. And Dean felt guilty enough scaring him and intruding just like this, to decide not to ask any further. He followed with once slight hesistance when Cas motioned him to get into the bed, crawling up to slip underneath the blanket with him, turning on his side so that he and Castiel faced each other. Dean pulled the pale, cold hand closer to his body, pressing it against his chest and closing both of his own hands around it, warming it.

“I’ll stay as long as you want me to”, he says and forces a small smile on his lips.

Cause right now making Cas happy again, chasing the gloom and despair away from his beautiful features was Dean’s only concern.

*

Cas nodded quietly and they stayed like that, silent and still in the night, neither really spoke except when Cas asked Dean to tell him a story. Then Dean thought for a moment, before he whispered out a fairytale his Father had told him long ago, a story about two brothers and a bear and a raven haired princess that they had to save. By the end of the story Cas had scooted himself closer until his head was tucked under Dean’s chin, his arms curled together against his chest.

Cas slept soundly like that for hours, and when Ellen came in to check on Cas just as the sun was rising, she found Dean and Cas asleep, Dean’s arms wrapped around the older boy, Castiel’s face buried in Dean’s chest.

She didn’t have the heart to wake either of them, so just instructed her staff that no one was to wake the young master, nor enter his room for any reason. She smiled to herself, relieved that Cas and Dean had bonded so quickly, even though she was a little worried, for Dean’s sake. The wrath of Castiel’s Father would be harsh on Dean’s family if he found out about their friendship; servants weren’t ideal playmates for a boy of Castiel’s breeding.

Ellen sent Jo down to tell John where Dean was, a hand written note for the boy’s Father assured him that Dean was safe and that Ellen would look after him.

She then went to see to Robert, to make sure he knew that Castiel wouldn’t be making his lessons, and found the Professor in his office that also served as Castiel’s classroom.

They spent an hour talking, and by the end of their visit she couldn’t remember why she had come, but left with a smile on her face and a spring in her step.

*

When Dean woke the next morning, sunlight was already filtering through the heavy curtains, coloring Castiel’s sleeping face with golden rays of light. Dean smiled sleepily, licking his lips and tightening his grip around the older boys shoulders. It didn’t take too long until Castiel too awoke, yawning and munching quietly, before he spotted Dean and turned crimson red. Dean slipped out of the bed ten minutes later, only reluctantly letting go of Castiel, who seemed much more relaxed after Dean’s visit - and an extensive tickling session - and walking over to the balcony. In the bright daylight it was much more complicated to leave the house than entering it the night before. Dean turned back to face Castiel again, smiling at him and pulling him into a tight embrace.

“Get well soon, okay?”, he said quietly, nose nuzzled against Castiel’s neck.

Then he grabbed the top of the trellis, swiftly but carefully climbing down it and landing noiselessly on his feet. He looked back up and waved at Castiel, before turning to run towards the gate, taking care that nobody saw him. Something wasn’t right with Castiel’s explanation, Dean decided a little later, when he was brushing the horse’s fur absentmindedly. He was in trouble but as Castiel didn’t tell him what was wrong, Dean had no idea how to help him out of it, other than.. just being there…

 


	3. Chapter 3

It took Castiel a whole week to recover from whatever had happened and when he finally returned for his riding lessons with John, he seemed a bit more reserved, disciplined. The moment he took off his riding clothes and slipped into more casual wear, though, it seemed like he got rid off this gloomy part of his self as well, being cheery and enthusiastic as usual. Months passed and from time to time, Cas disappeared, didn’t leave the house for days and just as Cas still didn’t talk about what happened, Dean had accepted that he shouldn’t ask about it either.

It got particularly bad when Castiel first broke his leg. John had agreed on Dean taking the young master on a riding trip to the forest and as hyper as both of them had been about this first delightful excursion, neither of them had taken care of safety that much. Castiel was an excellent rider but his intent on competing with Dean, who had been riding since he could walk, lead to an unsuccessful jump over a tree log and a crying Castiel on the dirty forest ground. Dean had hurried to his side, unable to stop Castiel or himself from crying and hugging the other boy tight, apologizing over and over. Castiel hadn’t left the house for two weeks after that and after Ellen had talked to John, Dean had received his first good hiding. He felt terribly guilty for Castiel’s injury and didn’t even flinch as John hit his rear again and again. His father had kept him busy the next days and in the end, Dean hadn’t had any time to see Castiel at all for the whole two weeks.

The days got shorter and darker, the nights longer and colder and soon the first snowflakes covered the barren lands around Milton Manor. Dean worked twice as hard during the day, taking every opportunity to get his body warm and at night he snuggled in bed with Sammy and Joanna. During the winter months, the servants were working almost 24 hours and as usual Ellen was required to take care of Castiel and his siblings, who had returned from boarding school over Christmas. On Christmas Eve, Dean decided to pay Castiel a visit. He hadn’t seen him for three days and it made him antsy, not knowing about his condition. He took the usual route up the trellis and softly knocked on the window once. Twice. A third and fourth time, a signal they’d agreed on only a week after Dean’s first nightly visit. It took Castiel a few minutes to get out of bed and over to the window and when he opened the balcony door, his eyes were watering, and Dean couldn’t help but lunging forward, wrapping his arms around him and holding him tight.

“I missed you”, he mumbled against the older boys cheek, as he carefully stroked the back of his neck.

*

Castiel wrapped his arms around Dean’s back tight and shut his eyes as he buried his face in the crook of Dean’s neck. They stood still for a moment before the chill got to Castiel, and he dragged Dean inside and shut the door again.

The older boy quickly closed the thick curtain that they hung on the doors and windows in the winter to keep the chill out, and then padded quickly over to the bed where Dean joined him after shucking his shoes off.

Curled up under piles of blankets they cuddled together for warmth, and once they could both feel their hands and toes again, Castiel reached under his pillow and brought out a small brown paper package wrapped with a green silk ribbon.

“Merry Christmas, Dean…”

He smiled and waited for Dean to open the present, grinning when the other boy’s face looked stunned.

“Cas…this is your favorite book….”

“Yes…I want you to have it.”

“But…Frankenstein…Michael brought it home for you from England…”

Castiel nods and smiles.

“I know…I want you to have it.”

*

Dean was beyond surprised and honored, staring down at the book and back up into Castiel’s smiling face alternately, before he snuggled closer, hugging Castiel with one arm. He felt guilty and ashamed, accepting such a valuable gift, something that Castiel held to precious, had loved for years. They’d spent countless nights cuddled together underneath Castiel’s blanket, the older boy quietly reading to Dean, teaching him the alphabet and the pronounciation of difficult words. The thought of owning something as important as this made him feel unworthy. His heart was heavy, as he thought of the small item in his pocket, wrapped in a piece of an old newspaper, something Dean had thought Castiel would like but wasn’t so sure anymore…

He shifted around uncomfortably, not quite meeting Castiel’s eyes, as he slid his hand into his pocket and handed him the small gift, mumbling a “Mrychrsms, Cas”. Cas didn’t react immediately after removing the paper, looking at the gift for a seemingly endless stretch of time, in which Dean felt sweat beading on his forehead.

“Dad gave it to me years ago.. ‘t was my mom’s… he says it carries God’s light and.. protects you from harm…”

Reluctantly he turned his head to look at Castiel, who held the small, golden amulet in his hand with an uninterpretable look on his face.

*

Castiel’s small fingers traced over the beautiful trinket in his other hand, and after a long moment he finally looked up at Dean with tears in his eyes.

“Thank you, Dean…”

Castiel scooted closer and wrapped his arms around Dean’s torso, burying his head against the other boy’s neck once again.

“Thank you… I’ll keep it with me always.”

Castiel knew how important it was, had seen Dean take it out of the special hiding spot in the bottom of a drawer and touch it whenever he was feeling upset or sad… or missed his Mother.

Cas had never known his Mother, as she had died giving birth to him, the last in a long line of boys and one girl. His older brothers Michael and Gabriel were now 12 and 17 respectively, and Cas knew that they both missed their Mother terribly. He chalked Michael’s stoic nature and Gabriel’s mischief up to that, and their Father’s heavy handedness with all of his children. Anna and Cas were the closest in age, only a few years apart, but Anna was much more obedient than Castiel was. She never left the house except to go to the social functions their Father wanted her to go to, or to visit occasionally with Joanna in the gardens behind the house. Anna had said hello to Dean once or twice, but hadn’t really shown any interest in running around with the two boys, even though Cas had invited her once.

Castiel clutched the amulet in his hand and looked up at Dean, spoke in a hushed tone.

“Can you stay for a little while?”

*

Dean’s heart constricted as he realized that Castiel liked his gift, that he was touched by the gesture and a faint red blush covered his cheeks, as Dean returned the hug wholeheartedly, his fingers clutching into the soft fabric of Castiel’s clothes. When he pulled back a little, he smiled softly and nodded his head ‘yes’.

“But.. I don’t want you to get in trouble again”, he then said, his voice barely more than a whisper, warm breath puffing against Castiel’s white skin. But the older boy shook his head and smiled and Dean found he couldn’t resist Castiel’s persuasive power much longer.

“Can you… can we read?”, he suggested after a while of silence, lifting the book Castiel had given him a bit, holding it carefully with one hand.

He wanted to be able to read like Castiel, wanted to be the one reading bed time stories to him for a change, Castiel’s head in his lap, as he spoke of courageous knights and fair ladies, ferocious rulers and happily ever afters.

*

Castiel smiled and nodded.

“Let me get the lamp…”

He climbed out of the bed and walked over to the door before he stuffed a piece of fabric under the door crack, to block the light. Cas was quiet on his feet as he raced back toward the bed, lit the oil lamp that sat on his night side table, and turned it up just enough for them to be able to read.

Cas snuggled in beside Dean and together they cracked open the book. Castiel helped Dean pronounce words, but after all the reading they’d already done together, it was easy for Dean to work his way through the book.

The sun rose and found Ellen waking them both up for breakfast, then a sleigh ride through the apple orchards with Michael, Gabriel, Anna, John, Ellen, Joanna, Robert and of course, Castiel and Dean (little Sammy being left in the care of one of the maids). There was hot apple cider shared from a large mug, and even Michael seemed to be in a good mood.

Castiel’s Father had excused himself, stating that he had other ‘affairs’ to attend to… but no one on the sleigh ride seemed to notice or mind his absence.

*

Dean had never been a big fan of narrow spaces and large crowds of people but it appeared that at Castiel’s side not even the cramped space in the back of the sleigh could darken his mood. Cas had put the amulet Dean had given him around his neck that morning and when Dean had seen the golden pendant around the slender neck, he had shivered and averted his eyes, smiling to himself. They held hands as the white horses carried the sleigh across the snow-covered lands and Dean felt as happy as he hadn’t been in a long time.

Dean hadn’t had the opportunity to meet Castiel’s brothers before, only having seen Anna once or twice around the house, and he found that he rather liked Gabriel, even though he continually kept making fun of Dean in one way or another. Michael was a bit distant but polite and quite pleasant company. When they returned, it was time for the Milton family gathering and Dean only reluctantly let go of Castiel’s hand, as he turned around to follow John. Before he could process what was happening, he felt a hand grabbing his coat sleeve and pulling him back and only a second later Castiel’s lips were on his cheek.

“Merry Christmas, Dean”, came the whispered words and then Cas was gone, turning on his heels and dashing through the snow, jumping on Gabriel’s back and laughing at the surprised sound he made.

Dean decided then and there that this was definitely his best Christmas ever.

*

Christmas came and went, and so did the New year, bringing with it a blizzard that kept everyone inside for a week. At the end of it though, there was lots of shoveling and work to be done, and Castiel actually got person from his Father to help, on the grounds that he finished all of his lessons first before going outside.

The end of January saw Dean turning 7, and then in the middle of February, on a snowy Thursday afternoon, Castiel turned 8. They celebrated their birthdays together though, with snow ball fights and snowmen, and angels in the snowbanks. Dean taught Castiel that the only way to make a perfect snow angel was to have a friend help you out of the snow- or you would leave hand prints behind.

March saw Castiel come down with a cold, and then Dean right after him, as he had stayed with Cas while he was getting better most nights. When Dean was sick, Castiel finally ventured outside on his own, down the trellis and over to their quarters, to sneak inside and stay by Dean's side while he slowly got better himself. John only woke up once during Castiel's nightly visits during the two weeks it took Dean to feel better... but he said nothing, and simply smiled, glad that his son had such a devoted friend in the young master.

Spring came early, and by late April the apple orchards were in full bloom; they provided the perfect setting for the wedding of Robert to his long time infatuation with the lovely Ellen. They were married with a hand fasting and simple gold bands, and kissed as a flurry of apple blossom petals came raining down, thanks to Castiel and Dean shaking the branches of the trees above while giggling hysterically. Ellen looked beautiful in a white eyelet lace, a daisy chain on top of her head care of Anna and Jo. Robert looked as rough as ever with his salt and pepper beard and gray dress pants; but there was no stopping the constant smile that came to his face that day. They celebrated with a butter pound cake and peach jam, handmade presents and dancing to the tune of Anna playing a violin.

Summer brought sleeping on a screened in porch on flat mattresses, fishing, and swimming holes. Dean taught Cas to swim, and Cas taught Dean what a leech was, after Dean found more than a dozen while exploring one part of a nearby stream.

Soon it was Autumn, and the leaves were beginning to turn again, red and gold and yellow, and Castiel and Dean made huge pillows of leaves to jump into, and made a rope swing out of a discarded lead for the horses and a piece of plank from one of the back steps from the quarters Dean slept in. Dean was growing much faster than Cas, and by late September, he was already an inch taller, despite being a year younger. He teased Cas mercilessly about it, but Castiel knew that Dean didn't really care, if the soft kisses to his forehead that Dean gave him after he said it meant anything.

*

The months flew by without both of them really noticing. The more time they spent together, the more it felt as if it never had been different, as if they’d known each other a liftetime. Neither of them had ever had a friendship with boys at their age, so they couldn’t be sure of what was normal and what wasn’t – but Dean as well as Castiel soon realized that their relationship was definitely special.

When he thought back, Dean was pretty sure it had started in the year he had turned nine years old. When Castiel had waited for him after a long day of work and Dean had exited the stables, just to find himself tackled and thrown to the ground by an overly enthusiastic Castiel. Right then and there, looking up into Castiel’s smiling face, that had been the moment for Dean, the moment he just didn’t have any other choice but to admit that his feelings for Castiel were more than just brotherly, friendly. Castiel, of course, was oblivious to Dean’s inner struggle, snuggling close on every occasion, holding hands and pressing his lips against his temple, his cheek, the back of his hand. And Dean enjoyed it, he always had... but it made it so much harder to deal with his feelings. He didn’t know much about love, other than what he’s seen in other people’s life. Robert and Ellen seemed genuinely happy around each other, spending as much time as possible close, doing the exact same things that Dean and Castiel did. Dean knew there had to be more about being a couple but he wasn’t exactly keen on asking anyone, anxious about the questions this would evoke to be asked. So he remained silent, swallowing down his emotions and growing uncertainty, as he and Castiel continued to grow up together.

*

The years continued like this, Dean and Castiel growing closer and closer, until Dean felt like Cas was as important to him as his Father or his brother, but the feelings were so plainly different to Dean, even at such an early age. He couldn’t voice them, so he did what he could to express his feelings through his actions towards Cas.

Small handmade presents like carved birds would appear on Cas’ window sill in the mornings sometimes, and Cas would write Dean poetry in return. Cas knew that Dean treasured the written word, and his ability to read and write, which Cas had given to him through teaching him just as Cas had been taught by Robert.

Before they knew it, Dean’s 12th birthday had passed with a celebration of cake and flavored ice made from the freshly fallen snow that covered the grounds outside. Cas gave Dean his present that night while they sat up, huddled together under his covers. It was Cas’ journal, which he’d been writing in since he was 5 years old. There was still space in the back, the leather bound journal having enough room to tie more pages into it as needed.

Dean gaped at Cas, but the young teen just smiled and shook his head, something sad in his eyes as he pressed the journal to Dean’s chest.

“Please Dean, I want you to have this.”

“…Okay, Cas.”

By this time Dean knew better than to argue with Cas once his mind was made up about something. That didn’t stop him from trying, when a month later, Cas entered the servants’ quarters, sitting next to Dean on the bed and told him that he was leaving for boarding school the next morning, only a week after Cas had turned 13.

“I don’t understand Cas!”, Dean said, his voice stifled and full of concern. “Can’t Robert teach you everything you need to know right here?!”

“Dean, I don’t want to go!…Father is making me. This isn’t open to discussion.”

Silence followed Castiel’s words. Dean averted his eyes, staring down at his hands, balled into fists, as he felt his throat go dry.

“…Fine…”, he said and he sounded dead serious “Then we’ll run away! We’ll…. we’ll go somewhere else where no one can find us.”

A small, a mirthless laugh broke free of Castiel’s throat, as he looked back at Dean, softly shaking his head.

“…How would we live? Where would we live Dean?”

“…I don’t know. I’d…I’d get a job at a stable, and you could teach people to write and to read…and...”

Dean fell silent, a single tear running down his heated face, dripping down on his hands

“We’d….we’d figure it out.”

Cas stared at his best friend, watched as tears welled in Dean’s eyes, and couldn’t stop his own eyes from becoming glassy either. He hugged Dean tight then, skinny arms wrapped tight around Dean’s shoulders, and whispered into his ear, voice tear filled.

“I love you, Dean.”

And when Dean pulled back with a shocked look on his face, for they had never said those words to each other, Cas used the moment to cup his face with both hands, and another first, kissed him full on the lips. It was chaste and sweet, just a gentle press, and then Cas turned away and ran back up the hill and into Milton Manor, the door slamming shut behind him.

*

It was over as quickly as it had begun. His lips were tingling, tickling where they had been pressed against Cas’ merely seconds ago. And now he was gone. Dean didn’t have the strength to run after him, to try to argue, to hold him back, cause he knew that whatever he could say would only make it worse, would make it even harder for Castiel to leave. And he had to leave.Dean had spent too much time with Castiel not to notice how strict his father was, how cruel he could get whenever Castiel disobeyed or talked back. He couldn’t bear getting Castiel into trouble, couldn’t live with knowing he was the reason for his pain, for the dark red wounds gracing his pale back. So he let him go. He didn’t show up the next morning to say goodbye, watching from afar as Ellen, Robert, Anna, Joanna and even John and 8-year old Sam came to see the young master off. He could see the pain on Castiel’s face, felt his own stomach hurt with guilt and self-hatred. When he couldn’t take it anymore, he turned around, running until he couldn’t breathe anymore, sinking to his knees somewhere deep in the forest, letting the darkness engulf him until he fell asleep, tears burning hot on his cheeks.


	4. Chapter 4

_7 years later_

Today was not a good day. Dean had know it ever since he’d opened his eyes that morning. It was cold, much colder than usual at this time of year. The fields were frost-covered as he walked down the road to the valley, skidding on the slippery ground more than once. When he entered the stables, he knew his instincts hadn’t betrayed him. Donna was dead. The old pony was lying on its side, large black eyes staring into nothingness. Dean’s heart hurt, as he called the stable boys to help him get her out of the box. He didn’t have time to take care of what happened to her though. Ever since his father had died of a cardiac infarction three years ago, Dean had taken over his job as the head groomer, taking care of the stables, the horses and the other farm hands. Still, Donna’s death hit him harder than he’d thought. He left the stables, making his way over to the hurst, sinking down against a thin tree trunk and hid his face into his hands. A deep sigh escaped his lips, turning into a shocked gasp, as he felt somebody leaning against him. He spun his head around, his surprised gaze returned out of equally green eyes.

“Anna”, he said, half anxious, half relieved as she snuggled closer, intertwining her fingers with his and kissing his shoulder.

It had always been like this. Well... ever since Castiel had left for boarding school, leaving Dean devastated and giving Anna the chance to finally overcome her shyness and confess her feelings towards Dean. It wasn’t like he had a choice... Anna was the daughter of his master and as much as she assured him of her affection, she also made it very clear that she wouldn’t take ‘no’ for an answer. Kissing Anna had been easy, much to Dean’s own surprise, but whenever he closed his eyes, all he saw was still Castiel. Which was weird, as Dean didn’t even know how he looked at 20, having last seen him as a 13 year old teen. Castiel was an adult now, just as Dean was. Dean often wondered if he’d changed as much as Dean had... he always had had certain feminine features, long lashes, soft skin and full lips. But with the years his shoulders had become broader, his upper body now much more muscular and firm than it had been years ago. Due to the years of horseback riding, he’d gotten massive bow legs and Anna always joked about that, making Dean feel uncomfortable and inferior. Yes, Dean didn’t really like his life as a 19 year old head of the family.

*

A large black carriage drawn by two beautiful black horses clanked and bumped it’s way down the long dirt road towards Milton Manor, and Anna’s eyes brightened as she stood up, clapping her hands in front of her and making a small happy sound.

Dean stood up as well, a frown on his face as he looked over at Anna.

“….Don’t you know? …Oh, of course you don’t…. Castiel is coming home today Dean. He’s done with school.”

She ran across the ground, skirts held up so they didn’t drag, the icy ground making her slip as she ran.

The carriage stops at the front of Milton Manor, lurching to a halt, the horses stamp their feet and breathe out puffs of steam in the cold morning air. The driver got down, but not fast enough for the occupant of the carriage, who opened the door and stepped out on his own a moment later, leaving the driver to stand and look shocked.

The man who stepped out of the carriage had pale skin, a headful of black messy hair, and shockingly blue eyes, the color of lapis lazuli. He straightened his suit jacket’s front and then pulled the sleeves before he walked around to the back of the carriage and started taking the luggage off the back with the help of the driver.

He stopped, however, the moment he saw the bouncing redhead come running at him, a reserved smile coming to his face as he recognized his sister instantly.

“Anna.”

*

Dean was dumbstruck. He stayed in the exact same position, even as Anna jumped up, running towards the mansion, her hair and dress blowing in the wind. It was too far to get a clear look on the man who exited the coach, but even without Anna’s words Dean would’ve known it was Castiel immediately. It was like back in the days when they’d first met, spent their first days together - somehow the air around them changed, turned into something sweet, something innocent yet exciting. And then Dean finally got up, following Anna up the hill, his steps getting faster until he practically ran, only coming to a halt, when his shoulder bumped with Anna’s. She was standing a few feet away from her brother, which should’ve made Dean wary in the first place - but he only had eyes for Castiel. The resemblance to his younger self was uncanny, almost shocking. He had grown quite a bit but Dean still was a few inches taller than him. His dark hair was as messy as always and even though the features of the man before him were beyond beautiful, Dean couldn’t help but thinking of him as adorable. He took a step forward, completely disregarding Anna and the driver, wrapping his arms around Castiel’s shoulders and pressing him tightly to his own body.

“God.. Cas”, was all he got out, hot breath puffing against the cold skin of his neck, as Dean once more felt tears filling his eyes, this time out of joy and relief.

*

The body in Dean's arms immediately went rigid, and then a moment later Dean fond himself being shoved abruptly away from Cas. The pale face was creased in a frown, eyes flaring with a cold fury.

“....I did not give you permission to touch me... Mr. Winchester.”

Castiel looked down at his suit jacket and brushed it off with one hand, as if Dean touching him made him dirty. There was a slight twitch in his upper lip, almost like a sneer, as he turned around to focus on the luggage once more, effectively dismissing Dean.

Anna looked as shocked as Dean felt in the moment, and turned her head to look at her brother's former best friend.

The time spent at boarding school had not changed Michael much, nor Gabriel. Gabriel was too stubbornly childish to change much, and Michael had already been formed by the crushing grip of their Father's hand.

Plus both of them always had visited the family on holidays, spending at least some time at home and away from their strict teachers. But the years away had changed Castiel, they had changed him a lot.

The man was lean but muscled, standing stiff and tall as he carried a suitcase of luggage up the stairs to the porch, his sister and his childhood friend ignored for the moment.

*

With a look of incomprehension, of disarray, Dean stared at Castiel, watching him unloading suitcase after suitcase as his thoughts were racing. For a moment he considered Cas to be joking. It wasn’t his usual style but Dean could’ve lived with it. But then the young master had unloaded the last piece of luggage, carrying it upstairs and completely disregarding the seemingly uncomfortable driver, before he closed the door shut behind him. They stood still like this for a while, until Anna finally moved, handing the driver some bills and then turning around to face Dean, as the coach slowly rode away. Her gentle hand cupped Dean’s cheek and he looked down at her, seeing a similar fear in her eyes.

“Maybe he’s just tired”, she said and she sounded so hopeful, so sincere, that Dean couldn’t help but smile.

He wanted to believe her so bad. And yes, maybe that was the reason for Castiel’s unapproachability. Maybe later that day or tomorrow morning Castiel would visit Dean, as he had done almost daily seven years ago. He shut off ever other thought, taking Anna’s hand and raising it to his lips, kissing the back of it gently.

“Yes... that’s probably it..”, he agreed, even though somewhere in the back of his head a voice was screaming, yelling at him to stop daydreaming.

He spent the rest of the day working harder than ever, taking over tasks that didn’t even fell into his responsibility, cleaning out horseboxes until his whole body was covered with sweat. That night he returned late to the servants’ quarters, finding Joanna and Sam sitting at the table, each of them eating a bowl of soup. He sat down next to them quietly, running his hand through his hair and groaning. Then Sam cleared his throat, putting down his spoon and looking at Dean with a serious face.

“Cas is back”, he said and hearing the name of his friend rolling over the lips of his younger brother, made Dean’s hands twitch.

“Yeah”, he said, his quiet voice betraying the storm that was roaring inside him.

“So? Have you seen him already? You guys must have loads of stuff to talk about..”

“I really don’t want to talk about this now, Sammy.”

For a moment there was a silence in which both Joanna and Sam stared at the oldest Winchester, unsure of what to do. Then Sam grabbed his spoon and kept eating, not saying another word. He knew when Dean had to have a moment and Dean was grateful for him understanding, even though he had no idea what the real reason for Dean’s weird mood was.

Cas didn’t show up that night, or the next morning, or the next night. In fact Dean didn’t see him for almost a week, in which the young master didn’t set one foot outside. Dean had tried to climb the trellis a few nights ago but he was way to heavy and the bars were too small, too thin to carry him. Also the balcony doors of Castiel’s former room were closed, as were the heavy curtains, day and night, not letting one ray of light inside. If it weren’t for Anna, Sam and Jo, Dean wouldn’t even be sure, if he had just dreamed of Castiel’s return. It was so unlike him, acting like that, and Dean really started to worry about him. What had happened in those seven years? What on earth could have forced Castiel to change as severely as he obviously had, forgetting everything that had been between them?

Dean had thought about Castiel’s last words a long time, lying awake almost every night after Castiel had left Milton Manor, repeating them again and again inside his head.

‘I love you, Dean.’

And Dean had loved him back with all his heart, he knew he had...

But thinking about it, he realized that seven years were a long time. So many things had changed in seven years, both Dean and Castiel had experienced a lot of new things without each other, Dean had lost his father, had learned to take care of John’s business and little Sammy, had been breadwinner and father and brother at the same time. He had felt desperation and fear, had felt surrender and shame, when Anna first forced him, to sleep with her. And yes, it had changed him. But when he had first seen Castiel after all those years, when his eyes had met the bright blue one’s of the boy.. the man he had loved, he had known immediately, that his feelings hadn’t changed one bit. His heart still raced at the mere thought of the dark haired man that was now Castiel and when Dean climbed in bed the fourth night after Castiel’s return, he found himself unable to touch himself to the thought of his childhood sweetheart...

*

Castiel rested for the entire first week he was home. The trip home had been exhausting, as the ship journeys from England were still not the best, and left one feeling weak from both sea sickness and lack of proper food.

By the seventh day though, Castiel felt much better. He got out of his bed and dressed, and went down to see his Father and brief him on everything he had learned while away at boarding school, at least the things he hadn’t informed him on in their regular correspondence that occurred twice a year

Castiel was to become a lawyer, like his Father, and that was all there was to it. While he was away at school he had found that his talent for drawing things with charcoal and chalk that Dean had given him was of no use in the real world; no matter how much he loved it. He was told to put away childish things, and focus on the things that would improve his life; things that would make him a successful business man and lawyer. He was taught business ethics and practices, proper etiquette, higher learning such as math and science, to a degree, and of course, an introduction to law and why it was so important. Their Father had chosen careers for all of his sons. Michael was to be a Doctor, despite his squeamish stomach, Gabriel was to be a politician, which truly fit him in some ways, and was a dreadful idea in others. And Castiel was saddled with being a lawyer, and a businessman. Michael would take over the family business once his Father died, with the help of Castiel and Gabriel. Their Father had everything planned out, and all of the cogs in his machine, being his children, would work perfectly together or there would be hell to pay.

Castiel had learned the first week at his boarding school that he would not be allowed to send letters to anyone but his Father, and his nursemaid Ellen. For the first two years, he sent his Father letters along with one to Ellen, and hidden inside Ellen’s letter was a letter to Dean. It told him of how much Castiel missed him, and how lonely things were in England. It also detailed all the things Cas was learning, and the beautiful gas lamps in London, and how lovely the ladies were in their finery.

Then, in the third year, his Father stopped giving Ellen her letters, after opening one of them on a whim, and finding Cas’ letter to Dean.

Since then he had lied to Cas in his return letters, stating that Ellen had moved on to caring for other children, and wanted nothing to do with him anymore, and that no one at Milton Manor thought of Castiel anymore, but his Father and his siblings.

Castiel refused to believe it…. But by the forth year, when no letter arrived from Dean or Ellen, there was no choice. He was alone but for the few school friends he had made, and his Father.

He grew up in a dorm room, and grew into his body by the time he reached 17, stopping at a full height of 6’, with a lean but muscled frame, thick black hair and crystal blue eyes. He was, in a word, gorgeous. Dimples showed in his cheeks whenever he smiled, and before long there were several school mates that showed interest- but Castiel never returned the affection, somewhere in the back of his mind still hoping to go home to his childhood friend.

When he turned 18 though, one of his friends cornered him and kissed him, and the rush of pleasure from the human interaction soon had Castiel shedding his coat and then his shirt, touching the other boy with eager hands.

Until the school matron found them both, and they were sentenced to re-education, whipping, and solitary confinement while they thought about their blasphemies, sins, and disgustingly immoral behavior.

From that moment on, it was ingrained in Castiel that homosexuality was a sin, and that his feelings, however strong they might be for a member of the opposite sex, were not good, right, or allowed in this world.

His Father agreed, and lectured him for an hour once Castiel was done reporting all he had learned from the school.

The first words out of his mouth when Castiel was done telling him that he had graduated with the highest praise from the school were ‘I’m disappointed in you’.

Castiel’s heart sunk as he slowly lowered himself into the chair his Father pointed at with a shaking finger.

The words abomination, disgusting, filthy, and vile were thrown at him from his Father’s foaming lips, and Castiel had never seen the man that angry in his entire life. Even though now he could take the older man easily, as his Father walked with a cane from scoliosis… Cas was still terrified of him, and even the raised voice was enough to make his stomach flutter nervously and his body tremble in anticipation of being struck.

When Castiel was finally allowed to go outside, he dressed warmly for a ride, having not been on a horse since he boarded the ship for the Americas, he missed it. He strode down toward the stables, and halfway there slowed his pace, the realization that Dean would be there dawning on him. No, perhaps John would be there today, and with that thought he walked a little faster into the stables, looking around in the dim afternoon light.

“Hello?”

*

Dean was miserable. He hadn’t slept well all week, dreams of his Cas, young and sweet, slowly turning into nightmares of the new, the cold Castiel, the young master that didn’t think of Dean as his friend anymore, that considered him dirty and unworthy. He almost couldn’t keep his eyes open, the dark circles underneath them blatantly witnessing his grief. He was trying his hardest staying awake, cleaning the expensive saddlery carefully, when he heard the rough, unfamiliar voice. Putting down the grease and cleaning rag, wiping his hands on his pants, he stepped onto the aisle, freezing on the spot as he realized who had just entered the stables.

“Ca-.. Master Castiel”, he said, catching himself before the all too familiar nickname rolled off his lips “What… what can I do for you?”

It was hard, so very hard keeping his cool, hiding just how painful it was, being so distant, so cold and respectful towards the one person his every being yearned for.

*

Castiel stiffened, seeing Dean standing there like that. It had been…. excruciating, to see his childhood friend walking up to him, cheeks rosy from the cold and excitement, to watch in shock as this gorgeous man that his best friend had become rushed up to hug him.

Castiel’s heart skipped a beat the moment it happened, and all he could think of was ‘My Dean’… and then immediately he knew he had to stop it, because this was wrong, this was vile and dirty and real men didn’t have feelings like this about other men. They just didn’t. So he had pushed Dean away, and gone up to his room to seclude himself, hoping that it would be enough of a hint that Dean would back away, and Castiel wouldn’t have to hurt him even more. He slept that week fitfully, and prayed to God time and time again whenever his dreams would shift and wander over grass green eyes and freckles and plump lips.

And here he was, standing so tall and broad shouldered, sturdy torso and long bowed legs in the stable. And they were alone. This was not good. Castiel took a step back, looking away from Dean nervously.

“…Where… Where is your Father? …I would like to take a ride.. I would ask him to saddle Donna for me.”

*

His heart ached, as Castiel averted his eyes, turning away both physically and emotionally, leaving Dean once more with disappointment and sorrow. He bit his lip, as he too lowered his head, not being able to look at the other man any longer as necessary.

“My… he’s.. he passed away”, he finally said, voice quiet and choked up as he thought back of how horrible it had been, being there and not being able to help, having to watch as the life poured out of proud, strong John Winchester. He quickly shook his head, reminding himself of the current situation, of the questions still waiting to be answered and added, quietly: “And I’m sorry but.. Donna died a few days ago..”

Once more the stables are filled with the deafening silence that now seemed to be the normal state of their relationship, then Dean suggested carefully “I could prepare you another horse, though…”

*

Castiel’s blue eyes flew wide and he snapped his head back to look at Dean, shock showed across his face, and for a split second he looked like his old self, emotions laid so barren over his face. Castiel schooled his face back into the calm mask he wore everyday now, and nodded an affirmative to Dean.

“Yes… please prepare another horse… and, Mr. Winchester?”

Castiel paused, then looked away from the empty stall where Donna, the pony he’d learned to ride on all those years ago when he was but a child, had lived, and died most likely, back to Dean’s face. His expression was unreadable, but his voice did waver, the gravel sound hitched when he spoke.

“I am sorry about your Father.”

John had been more of a Father to Castiel than his own Father had ever been, just as Robert and Ellen had been surrogate parents as well, providing young Castiel with an assimilation of a real family; and it was the best he could have ever had.

*

Dean swallowed at Castiel’s words, still and even less able than before looking back into his eyes. So he just nodded, mumbling a “thank you, Sir” before turning around and hurrying back into the tack room. He was pretty sure that Castiel still was a good rider, probably even got riding lessons at boarding school, so he chose a young and well mannered Fresian horse, the pitch black fur shining in the faint afternoon sun. He lead the horse outside, only flinching slightly when his hand touched Castiel’s for a second as he handed him the reins, before he turned back around, wishing his master a “pleasant ride” and disappearing back inside. He waited until he couldn’t hear the sound of hooves on the gravel anymore, before sliding down against the wall of Donna’s former horsebox and crying.


	5. Chapter 5

Castiel left the stable and rode the new horse, Diamond, for the single white diamond that adorned the horse’s forehead, towards the woods. He spent hours just walking Diamond through the woods, remembering every single thing that he and Dean did here. The failed hide and seek games, carving their names into trees, writing on flat river rocks with charcoal they found from a tree hit by lightening. Everything came pouring back to Cas and by the end of his ride he wanted nothing more than to run into the stable and hug the man that his childhood friend had grown into.

When he got back to the stable though, his Father was waiting for him, and he handed the reins off to a stable boy without a look over his shoulder to see if Dean was there.

They had dinner that night in silence, Anna, Castiel and their Father, both Gabriel and Michael off at college now. The tension was palpable, as Anna kept flicking nervous glances at Cas, but he seemed oblivious, barely touched his food, and excused himself to his room with a complaint of stomachache halfway through the meal.

Anna finished the meal and then sought Dean out, cornering him in his quarters and shutting his bedroom door before she turned to him and pressed a fevered kiss to his lips.

“I missed you… you haven’t come to see me since Castiel got back”, she accused, a frown engraved on her pretty features.

*

The rest of the day had been equally if not more horrible than its beginning. Dean had eventually stopped crying, wiping away the tears and telling himself to calm down. It hurt like hell, seeing Castiel and knowing he couldn’t talk to him, not like they used to anyway, and that Castiel saw him as nothing more than a stable boy, a servant, only good enough to work for him and his family but nothing else. When he returned to the servants’ quarters that night, he had been looking forward to being alone, to just let his tough facade crumble and cry himself to sleep. So he wasn’t exactly thrilled, when Anna sneaked into his room, kissing him like she owned him, Dean felt nauseous and for a moment he almost couldn’t restrain himself from shoving her away. He gave in after a few breathless seconds though, kissing her back reluctantly, until she pulled away by herself. He didn’t answer her half-question but it soon became obvious that she didn’t really care anyway. Taking his clothes off went rather quickly, Anna being fairly trained in this by now and it didn’t take long until she sank down on him, her naked body rutting against his, and Dean closed his eyes, one tear sliding down his cheek as in his mind replaced bright red hair with dark black and soft green eyes with piercing blue…

*

Anna left Dean alone that night and walked back to the main house wrapped in a heavy coat, oblivious to the pair of eyes that watched from the second story.

Castiel’s heart beat fast in his chest, breath caught in his throat as he realized that there was only one person close to Anna’s age in the small quarters she had come from.

Dean.

Castiel’s Dean.

Cas shut his eyes tight and leaned his head against the cool glass of the window, then went back to bed, hoping that dreams would take away what he had just seen.

They didn’t. Instead he dreamt of Dean, this gorgeous new man that Dean had become, laughing in his face when he told him he loved him. Dean called him sick, said he needed to see a doctor, or a priest, because what he thought about Dean was wrong. And Anna stood beside him, smirking as she watched her younger Brother be berated by his former best friend.

Castiel woke in a sweat before the sun rose, and was out the door half an hour later, bundled up for a walk through the barren apple orchards.

He needed space to think.

*

Dean was grateful when Anna climbed off him and left his room just before midnight. It wasn’t that he was averse to sex in general, he liked it and he was good at it - but ever since his first time, he’d felt like a cheater, like he was betraying the one his heart and body really belonged to. He felt dirty that night, used like a doll, that Anna pulled out whenever she fancied some distraction of her dull daily routine. Anna wasn’t a bad person, she really wasn’t. She was kind and sweet, not to mention beautiful - but she wasn’t Cas. And she knew that Dean didn’t feel about her the same way that she did for him, so Dean could understand that she saw forcing him in a relationship as a last resort. He wasn’t mad at her or hated her. Instead he felt sorry… so incredibly sorry, for what she had to endure, for how her father treated her, for how he ensured she became the manipulative person she had become. He leaned back against the headboard, staring at the ceiling, as he desperately tried not to think about Castiel. How gorgeous he had looked… how cold he had acted towards him… He fell asleep to the sound of his own heavy breathing…

-

The weeks went by without incidents. Dean worked harder than ever before, diving into work headfirst, cleaning out horseboxes, helping with the feeding, the horseshoeing and brand marking. By the end of the fourth week since Castiel’s return he was close to a break down, falling into bed without being able to keep his eyes open another second longer. He had seen Castiel almost every day for those last four weeks, Dean preparing Diamond for the Young Master to take him for an afternoon ride. It hurt being so close to him but not being able to talk to him, to touch him. In the fifth week though, Dean was so incredibly tired and exhausted and when he handed Castiel the reins that Monday afternoon, he forgot his good manners for a moment, smiling at the slightly older man and saying “Have fun, Cas.” It was awkward afterwards, Dean apologizing over and over and Castiel finally leaving the stables without another glance backwards. Anna came even more frequently to see Dean these nights but soon realized that he wasn’t of much use, as weary as he was. So instead she settled for visiting him at work, making him take breaks and kissing him in the tack room or shoving her hand down his pants in one of the horseboxes. It was one of these days, a rainy Thursday afternoon, when she had ignored his protest and dragged him behind the stables, swiftly starting to open his belt buckle, shoving his pants down just enough to make whatever she had planned, work. Dean leaned back, his head falling against the brittle wooden wall, as he stared up into the cloudy sky, raindrops falling on his face and mixing with the sweat and dirt.

*

The scene that Castiel stumbled upon after coming back early from his afternoon ride because of the sudden downpour was disturbing, to say the least. It was heartbreaking, to say the most. His older sister had her hand wrapped around Dean’s hardening cock, her lips attached to his throat, and Dean himself had his head thrown back, eyes shut in what appeared to be ecstasy.

Something inside of Cas snapped as he witnessed this, and instead of ignoring it as he had all these nights he’d seen Anna leave Dean’s small quarters after the obvious deed was done, he acted. No longer would he sit back and try to pretend that nothing was occurring between his former best friend, the first and only love of his life, and his sister.

Castiel stormed over to the pair, boots splashing through the small puddles that had already started forming on the dirt ground, and threw Anna away from Dean at the same time as he pinned Dean to the wall of the barn with one hand around his throat. Castiel snarled at Anna, eyes flashing danger, and spoke in the darkest voice she had ever heard, even more threatening than her Father’s.

“You will NEVER touch him again…. AM I UNDERSTOOD?!”

Anna’s eyes wide so wide they were almost all whites and she nodded, then scrambled to her feet and ran back to the man house.

Castiel snapped his gaze to Dean’s face, the snarl still in the back of his throat as he glared into the other man’s green eyes, his own narrowed and dark with fury.

“You…. Touching my sister… bedding her like it was nothing…”

He bared his teeth and snarled again, a feral sound from somewhere back in the times of hunters and gatherers, when humans had to fight tooth and nail for the things they wanted.

Castiel didn’t wait another second, didn’t bother asking for an excuse from Dean before he grabbed the taller man by his jacket and hauled him into the barn and slid the far door shut. He barked for one of the stable boys to get a specific servant from the house, a man who split wood and felled trees and fixed the manor for his living. A man who was strong and cold hearted, and Castiel knew would have no problem doling out the punishment he had in mind.

The man was found within minutes, and he came as Castiel had ordered, shutting the other barn door behind him, leaving the three men alone in the barn but for the horses and the sound of rain on the roof.

Castiel still held Dean by his shirt, and his hand trembled as he did so, face cut into a dark expression that was almost unreadable. It could be anger, or rage, or perhaps it was pain and sadness… one couldn’t tell for her.

Castiel shoved Dean to his knees unceremoniously, then pointed at the servant and spoke in a calm, cold tone.

“Whip. Lash him. 15 lashes.”

He didn’t look at Dean as he spoke.

“You will take this punishment for what you have done….”

*

It all happened so fast, Dean had barely had time to realize what was going on. One moment he was staring at the grey sky, trying to pretend arousal, the next he was kneeling on the cold floor, covered in straw that scratched the skin of his knees, listening to his childhood love sentencing him to punishment. He swallowed hard, terror and fear on his mind, as he heard Castiel and the servant moving behind him. The first hit came without a warning and despite his intent on handling this with as much dignity as he could, Dean cried out, falling forward on his hands. The second whip was as bad as the first, the burning sensation on his back getting only worse and by the time the whip collided with his back for the sixth time, he felt the skin cracking open, releasing the first droplets of blood. He was crying silently by now, not making any sound when he felt the next hit. He lost track of time but then he heard quiet conversation behind him and the whip came down another time and another time and Dean realized that Castiel didn’t care about his initial sentence of 15 lashes anymore. He wanted to see Dean suffer and Dean wasn’t giving in to the pain, Dean wasn’t giving Castiel what he desired to see, so Castiel kept torturing him.

”..that’s not”, Dean whispered, the next hit leaving him breathless for a few seconds, before he kept talking, voice quiet and hitching, as he tried not to cry “-this isn’t you, Cas… Cas…”

*

Cas stiffened when he heard the childhood nickname, Dean’s voice hitching as he said it, and rage flew through him again.

“Enough!”

He stood up and snatched the whip from the other servant then snarled at him to ‘Leave us.’ When the man stood there, just staring at Castiel, he snarled out ‘I will finish this, now GO.’ The servant nodded and left the way he had come in, making sure to close the barn door again behind him.

Castiel tested the weight of the whip in his hands, the squeak of leather as he wrapped his fingers tight around it, loud in the sudden quiet of the barn.

Castiel turned to face Dean’s back again, and moved the whip back slowly, then struck forward with a quick snap of his arm, putting all of his strength into it.

The sound of leather hitting skin was deafening, echoing off the rafters of the barn, and Castiel felt ill as he heard it, his stomach rolled inside him and his knees weakened.

*

It was worse. So much worse. Dean had seen the servant Castiel had ordered to punish him and he was easily taller and stronger than his master. But the moment Castiel’s first hit stroke, Dean felt a part of him dying. He was biting his tongue so hard he drew blood but it didn’t matter anyway. There was no longer hope or faith, only pain and grief and misery. He breathed heavily through closed teeth, his hands grabbing the straws on the ground, knuckles scratching over the rough ground, leaving them bloody and soiled.

“Cas”, he whispered once more, his voice sounding not even remotely like his own “Cas.. Cas…”

The whip swished down again but Dean didn’t stop, couldn’t stop. He felt strangely calm. If this was dying then somehow… somehow it was okay. Cause it was Cas, as different and cruel he may be. Cas was ending his life, draining drop after drop of his blood out of his limp body, marking him as his with brutal justice.

*

The second lash hit and all Dean said was his name, over and over and over. There was no crying or angry screaming, none of the self justified anger that should have been there for someone who had been fucking his sister, unmarried, beneath his nose since he returned to the manor…and who knows how long before his return as well.

All that Castiel heard in Dean’s voice was heartbreak. The same heartbreak he was experiencing as he held onto the whip, the end covered in Dean’s blood, having lashed open streaks over Dean’s back again and again. Cas felt something inside of him, the same thing that had snapped earlier at seeing his sister touching his childhood friend like that… his Dean… like that…. that same thing broke again, in an entirely different way.

The rage drained from him as he dropped the whip and walked slowly over to Dean’s side, then knelt behind him and with a trembling hand, reached out to touch Dean’s back. The smell of blood was thick in the air and it made Cas nauseous to know that he was the cause of this, that all the pain Dean was experiencing was his fault. He spoke quietly, voice wavering.

“Dean…?”

*

He was dead…

He had to be… cause Castiel’s voice was close to his ear, saying his name, warm breath ghosting over the sweaty skin and Dean couldn’t feel the pain anymore. All he felt was lightness and relief, Castiel was there and that was all he needed. He couldn’t talk, something in the back of his throat hindering him but it wasn’t of importance. Cas was there. His Cas…

He felt his body shaking, his arms giving in under the weight of his slack body, as he slid headfirst down on the ground, his cheek colliding with the rough surface, leaving him gasping for air. His eyes were still wide open but unseeing, everything around him a whirl of colors and shapes, light and dark, so much dark…

“C-..s…”

His voice was barely audible, as his tongue tried to form the all too familiar name.

*

Cas choked back the sob of disgust at himself and sadness for what he had done to Dean, and pulled the other man over into his lap, being extremely careful not to touch any of the open wounds on the man’s back.

“I’m so sorry Dean…. please forgive me…. I’m sorry…”

The words are whispered against Dean’s ear as Cas gently pets his head, fingers running through the hair. Castiel feels something warm and wet coat the hand around Dean’s lower back and looks down; glittering in the lamp light was coppery red blood, coating his hand. Dean’s blood. Cas made another choked sobbing sound and held Dean tighter, rocking him as he spoke out again.

“’m so sorry Dean, ‘m sorry…”

He placed small kisses along Dean’s shoulder, brushing chapped lips over the tail end of one of the wounds, the taste of metallic rich blood flooding his mouth with just a flick of his tongue over his lips. Cas shuddered and gripped his hands around Dean even tighter, eyes shutting.

“….I don’t…. if you love her, it’s okay… it’s okay…. Just…marry her. Make it right….. If you love her Dean, you have to marry her…”

*

Dean didn’t understand most of the words Castiel was muttering. But the sound of his voice alone was heaven to Dean, forgiveness and regret and… love.. he could hear the word in between strings of other words. ‘Sorry’ and ‘love’, being said over and over again. Lifting one of his hand took all of Dean’s strength and when his fingers grazed over Castiel’s upper arm, he felt as tired as if he’d climbed the highest mountain.

“-love…”, he said and his voice was still far from strong and proud but he knew that Cas could hear him, could understand him, as he flinched and his grip around Dean’s side tightened a bit.

”..always… loved y-.. you, C..s”

Castiel didn’t move, didn’t show any reaction at all so Dean took a moment to gather his strength, before he managed to lift his head just enough to look into the deep blue eyes of his young master.

“I’ve never.. stopped loving you.. Cas… Cas..”

Tears were running down the sides of his face but Dean didn’t notice and even if he had, he wouldn’t have cared. Cas was here. They were together. And the Cas he’d known wasn’t dead. He was there, caged inside a body that had witnessed seven years of strict education and had grown cold and numb. But he was here now and he was sorry and Dean felt as if he could die happy, knowing this.

*

Castiel froze, his entire body still in the moment as Dean looked at him with tear filled eyes and professed his love to him. Dean…. loved him. Actually loved him. Had always loved him. Castiel felt tears springing to his own eyes, scalding hot and burning, and he shut his eyes and leaned forward to press his forehead against Dean’s, soft sobs wrecking his lean frame. Castiel pulled Dean closer and held him up, all of his weight pressed against Cas’ torso so that Dean could relax and let go.

He realized quickly that Dean would need medical attention, and he had learned enough to get by while away at school, and from the bit that Michael had taught him when he’d been home on visits. He could tend to Dean’s wounds on his own. He stood up and then carefully gathered Dean into his arms, trying his hardest not to touch the open cuts across his back and failing. Each step brought a soft cry from Dean’s lips, but soon enough Castiel set Dean down on his bed, and took off the remains of his shirt. A soft gasp and an ‘oh Dean… what have I done…’ are whispered as Cas takes in the lacerations across Dean’s back. Criss crossed and openly bleeding, there were 10 cuts in total, perhaps more that had simply been layered on top of the other ones.

Castiel quickly sets about boiling some water over the fireplace in the small cottage, and finds a few clean shirts that he rips into long strips to wrap the wounds with. Alcohol for disinfectant is next, and he finds a bottle in the small kitchen that will work fine.

By the time he was done cleaning the wounds and wrapping them, they were already starting to clot. He knew that a few of them would need stitches, but he would have to borrow a needle from Ellen, and thread as well for that. He winced when he realized that it would soon be known throughout the manor that this cruel punishment that had been inflicted upon Dean was his idea…

Cas shut his eyes as he sat on the edge of the bed, then leaned forward on his knees and buried his head in his hands to cry quietly.

He had ruined the one good thing in his life that he had ever had, all because he had lost his temper over something that he didn’t even understand yet. Maybe it had all been Anna’s idea. Maybe Dean hadn’t even wanted it… or liked it. The only thing Castiel knew for sure was that no amount of apologies would make up for how he had hurt this beautiful freckled man that was once been his childhood friend.

*

When Sam left Ellen, Robert and Jo’s quarter that evening, his stomach full with an exceptionally rich dinner, he didn’t expect to find his and Dean’s room dimly lit, a quiet voice that was definitely not the one of his brother talking. He slowed down, taking step after step as quietly as possible, and stopped in the door frame, pushing the door open just a crack to peek inside. The young master-.. Castiel was sitting at the side of Dean’s bed, face buried in his hands as he kept whispering incoherent words. Sam could understand ‘sorry’ and ‘my fault’ and ‘Dean’ and that was when his gaze fell on the body on the bed. He gasped in shock, as he realized who the blemished and bloody back belonged to and kicked the door open, watching Castiel’s head spinning around and his eyes widen at his sight.

“Sam-“, he started saying but the youngest Winchester didn’t even let him start.

“GET AWAY FROM HIM!”, he shouted, for a moment forgetting about their different social ranks, forgetting that Castiel was his superior, his master and that whatever he said was law around here.

He dashed forwards, sinking down next to Dean’s side and pushing Castiel away. Once more the young master tried to speak, to explain, but when Sam turned his head to glare with unrelenting loathing, Castiel flinched and resigned. He stood back up, wiping his hands on his riding trousers and slowly walked over to the door.

“Some of those cuts require stitches… I will.. send someone to take care of this. Please.. make sure to tend to his wounds carefully..”

Sam bit his lip, listening to what Castiel said, trying his best not to yell at him again or jump at his throat. When he raised his head to return his brother’s childhood friend’s gaze he saw guilt and shame but there was not a spark of sympathy within the young boy.

“Don’t ever touch him again”, he said and for a second Sam could see the old Castiel; cheerful, happy, kind of weird but awfully nice Cas. Then the man turned around and left Sam with his unconscious brother.

-

Dean heard voices.

He couldn’t be sure though, if they were real or if he was imagining things. So he didn’t move. He couldn’t have moved anyway. His whole body hurt, ever pore, every muscle screamed of pain and he kept passing out from the intensity of it. When he opened his eyes, he could’ve sworn he’d only slept for five minutes. But it was deepest, darkest night outside and next to him on the bed, gently dabbing off the wounds on his back, wasn’t Castiel but Sam.

“S..mmy”, he said but his voice still wasn’t much more than a deep groan and his brother quickly silenced him by putting a finger to his lips, quietly ‘shhh’ing.

He closed his eyes again; too tired, too exhausted to being able to make sense of this. A name slipped over his lips as he drifted back into nothingness, gentle and full of love and the softness of it broke Sam’s heart.

“Cas..”


	6. Chapter 6

Cas sent for a real doctor the next day, and by evening the man had travelled from the nearest town to their manor, and tended to Dean’s wounds. The wounds themselves weren’t terrible, but Dean had a fever from a minor infection, which the Doctor treated him for.

The Doctor spoke in soft tones to Dean, who drifted in and out of consciousness, and prescribed a salve that contained medication and healing properties from plants.

Another day passed, and by now Dean was fully awake, the fever having dissipated somewhat, and the pain much less than the first day. Food was sent down from the main house, but there was no note, just a single sprig of clover with a clover flower, something from their past when they would spend hours lying in the clover, seeing who would run from the field first, scared of all the bees. They wound up falling asleep once, and woke up to discover it was dark, and there were now fireflies instead of bees alighting on them.

The food was rich, better than most that Dean and Sam saw, but also plentiful, enough for both of them and then some.

But Castiel was not seen out of his quarters, having sequestered himself away in his room, despite his sister hounding him from the hallway for hours, speaking in hissed tones that she was ‘Sorry’ and that he ‘mustn’t tell Father!’.

Castiel did not reply.

*

Three days after Castiel had laid hand on his brother, Sam was still furious. Dean had tried to explain it to him but even he couldn’t make the facts sound better or less horrible than they were. Joanna had joined Sam in taking care of his brother, ordering him strict bedrest and hissing disapprovingly whenever Dean tried to get up or even moved the slightest. When the bandages on his back finally weren’t bloodstained one morning and the fever had subsided completely, Dean got back to work - much to Sam’s dislike. Dean couldn’t remember that night very well but he knew for sure that Castiel had apologized… again and again as he had held him and cared for him. He had sent the doctor and food.. it had to mean he was serious, right? He really was sorry, wasn’t he? Sam didn’t admit it but more than he was worried about Dean’s physical wounds, he feared for the emotional trauma this breach of trust had brought with it. But the worst thing was, that Dean didn’t really seem angry with Castiel, something Sam couldn’t even begin to understand.

*

A week had passed since Castiel had lain into Dean with all of his anger and hurt, and a week had passed since anyone had seen the young master. The servants brought him food, but it mostly remained untouched, spare for the occasional missing piece here or there.

Anna visited him every day, slipping notes under the door and speaking softly through the keyhole, begging her brother to come out. She didn’t understand why he was this mad with her; she was incredibly fond of Dean, but she would stop the relationship she had cultivated if it made Castiel that angry.

Their Father left for a business convention in New York, and would be gone for well over two months, leaving the house in Castiel’s hands, a long letter with instructions shoved under the door. He did not have time for games, and knew that Cas was sulking about something.

‘Man up, Castiel. You are behaving as a child!’, he barked through the door, before stalking down the hallway and stairs.

The carriage pulled away from Milton Manor, carrying its Master away, and with it the dark cloud of fear and worry the man settled over the place whenever he was there.

Still, Castiel did not remove himself from his room.

10 days after the whipping, Anna went to visit Dean in the stables, hoping that Dean could convince her brother to come out of his quarters.

She knew nothing about the whipping, as what had happened spread like wild fire within the ranks of the servants, but was kept from Mistress Anna… as everyone knew the reason why the young master Castiel had snapped… and everyone also knew that Anna was the one who instigated the relationship between she and Dean.

“Dean? Are you here?”

*

Dean winced at the sound of the familiar female voice, stopping his work and turning around slowly, carefully, as quick movements still were more than uncomfortable. Anna looked worried, as she made her way over the yard, stopping only a few feet in front of him, eyeing him curiously.

“I am sorry for what happened”, she said, smiling awkwardly, raising one hand to touch Dean’s arm “He shouldn’t have seen us.. I will be more careful in future.”

It took Dean a moment to realize that Anna didn’t know. She was too casual, too much at ease to actually know about what had happened, once she had left, and he didn’t intend to be the one to tell her. She didn’t need to know. So he shrugged, returning her smile only half-heartedly.

“I’m kind of busy, Anna..”, he said, hoping, praying that she would catch his drift and leave him alone, but Anna only stepped closer, her hand sliding up to cup Dean’s face, as she kept talking.

“It’s about Castiel… he has not left his room in almost a week. We worry about him but he won’t talk to anyone..”

Dean’s heart sank, as he listened to Anna’s words, as the realization sank in. She wanted him to go and talk to him. Dean, who had been the reason for Castiel’s fury and the victim of this cruel punishment. He swallowed hard, lowering his gaze to their feet, as he tried to keep his composure. When he looked back up he wasn’t smiling anymore.

“I’ll check on him”, he said, his voice firm and determined, despite the fear boiling inside his whole body.

He followed the Mistress up the hill and inside the mansion. He hadn’t been in here for years, almost a decade. They took the stairs up to the first floor silently and when they reached the West Wing, where Castiel’s room was located, Anna left him alone without another word.

Dean was trembling now. He couldn’t move, not even one more step, his breath coming in ragged gasps, as his whole body refused to come any closer to the man who had wrecked him only ten days ago. Then, in spite of the roaring fear inside him, Dean raised a hand and knocked. Once, twice.

“Cas..”, he said, his voice embarrassingly quiet, then again, a little louder “Mister Milton, Sir. It’s me.. Dean….”

*

There was silence from the room for a minute, and then a creak as someone inside moved from the bed and padded quiet to the door. A lock turned and then the door opened all the way. Castiel stood there, eyes hollow, circles like deep dark bruises beneath his red eyes, mouth dry and face drawn. He looked at Dean and the look was filled with sorrow, regret and shame, his lower lip quivered as his eyes watered. Castiel couldn’t even say anything, his throat too tight, filled with tears and emotion, captured all the words he wanted to say even though he knew they wouldn’t make it better.

The man that stood before Dean wasn’t the same man who came home from 7 years abroad in a boarding school. There was nothing cold or emotionless here, all the obedience and training was gone, stripped from him by the heartless action he had done to the one person in the entire world who really mattered to him.

Dean… the only person he’d ever loved.

Castiel finally managed to open his lips, and get a sound out. It was choked with emotion, and he was barely able to form the words as they cracked on the way out.

“I-… I’m so s-sorry…”

Tears spilled from the corners of his eyes and he looked down and away. The edge of a cord was visible around his neck now, the tunic he had worn to bed having a lower cut neckline than the high neckline of the dress shirts he was forced to wear as a proper gentleman now. There was a slight bulge in the middle of the man’s chest, beneath the slightly see through cloth, and it was obvious from the shape what necklace Castiel was wearing.

*

It took Dean a while to take in the image of the broken man in front of him. He had thought of Castiel in those last few days, had wondered why he didn’t come to see Dean, why he had shielded himself from the outside world so completely. He saw it now, understood that it was guilt and shame caging Castiel inside, keeping him from forgiving himself. He bit his lower lip, the cut from when he had bitten it that fateful night still visible and hurting, but he didn’t care.

“You look awful”, he said after the possibly longest stretch of silence between them and finally looked up.

Castiel’s eyes were filled with tears and Dean’s first instinct was stepping closer and brushing them away, kissing the wet cheeks and licking the salty wetness of Castiel’s pain away. Instead he lowered his gaze again, walking towards Castiel and entering his bedroom, gently pushing him to the side and waiting for him to close the door behind him. He walked over to the huge windows and drew one of the curtains back, ignoring the wheezy sound Castiel made at that and doing the same with the second panel of fabric. He opened the balcony door, breathing in deep the fresh air from outside. When he turned back around, Castiel was standing in the middle of the large room, obviously uncertain of what to do. He looked so small and lonely and for a moment he reminded Dean of the Castiel he had known seven years ago, shy, gentle Cas who he had taught to ride and swim, who he had kissed, who he had loved. He softly shook his head as he made his way over to stand right in front of him, only a feet distance between them.

“You haven’t eaten in days, Sir.. let me get you something out of the kitchen-“

*

Dean said ‘Sir’, and Castiel winced, looking down at his feet. He clenched his hands around fistfuls of tunic and swallowed thickly, then spoke again.

“Plea-… I know… I have no right… to ask this of you, but-…”

Cas looked up then, into Dean’s eyes, his own pained with the distance between them; for it was miles to Castiel, further than the ocean had ever separated them, not the few feet that reality told him it was.

“…please, don’t call me that…”

He shut his eyes and took a slow sad breath, then opened them again and looked into Dean’s eyes once more.

“I made a mistake… I… I had no right, to do that to you. Anna told me everything… that she was the one that started… things… between you… and that you were nothing but kind to her.”

He swallowed thickly, his brows furrowing as he tried his best to explain himself… but there was no explaining what he did away.

“I am sorry Dean. I should not have done that….”

*

Every word, every syllable Castiel said begged for forgiveness, salvation but to Dean it was as if they were ripping the barely healed wounds back open again, dripping salt or alcohol over them, making them burn and making it impossible for Dean to forget about the events.

“You don’t.. you don’t have to apologize”, he then said, his voice betraying him, trembling despite the calm words he was saying “It is forgotten.”

Castiel didn’t seem to believe him, though. Of course he didn’t, he wasn’t stupid. They may have spent more time apart than together but Castiel still was the person who knew Dean best, and the realization of it made him feel a curel, a bitter satisfaction.

When he looks into Castiel’s eyes again, he feels his calm facade crumbling, crashing like a sandcastle underneath a tidal wave and falling like a dead leaf.

“Please, just.. don’t… don’t talk about it..”

*

Castiel nods quickly and looks down, trying his best not to reach out and pull the other man into the tight hug that he now wanted so very desperately. All the training, the brain washing and scolding, beatings and solitary confinement- none of it lasted against the renewed love for the man in front of him.

To think that he could have hurt him, even in a rage…it made Cas feel ill once more and he backed away from Dean toward the bed, clinging to one of the posters that supported the canopy. While he was gone they had upgraded the bed in his room, something longer and more fit for an adult, a four poster bed with mosquito netting around it in the summer, but now there were heavy drapes hung from it, to seal heat inside. Cas leaned against the poster and looked down at his feet.

“….you must know…I will never hit you again.”

The words are soft and small, but there’s a vehemence behind them that speaks of a promise, something burning inside of Cas that would never die out.

He made the mistake once…it would never happen again.

*

”..stop……”

As honest and sincere Castiel’s words are, Dean can’t take it. He can’t take seeing his childhood friend like this, broken and guilty and wrecked emotionally. He just can’t.

“….just.. just stop, please? It’s… it’s okay..”

He forces a small smile on his lips as he looks over to Castiel, leaning against the post of his large bed and staring at him in disbelief. Dean can’t hold his gaze for very long, averting his eyes again, letting them wander over the sparsely furnished room. Not much had changed in here, the atmosphere as gloomy and lonely as ever and it made Dean feel confined and hopeless. He felt his breath accelerating and quickly walked over, one hand on Castiel’s shoulder, bringing him to look up into his eyes.

“Wait here.. I will get you something to eat.”

He turns around after a moment, his hand sliding off Castiel’s body and instantly missing the warmth of the other man, as he turns around, heading for the door.

*

Castiel shut his eyes and let the scalding hot tears that wanted to fall go, tracing down tracks on his cheeks that had been there since early this morning, when he woke up after yet another nightmare.

Dean left the room, and Cas sunk to the floor, reaching up to bring the amulet out and hold it, clutch at it like it was an anchor that could bring him in from this turbulent sea. He had ruined everything, and the Dean he once knew, his carefree childhood friend, he had lashed any hope of ever seeing that boy again right out of the sad man that came to see him today.

Cas took a deep breath to calm himself, then stood up and went to the water basin on top of a dressing mirror’s desk, and cleansed his face of tears and dirt, his neck and hands as well. He turned around and walked to the other side of his room, pulled out clean clothes, and begun to change. He was naked as the day he was born when Dean walked in, pushing the door open with his back, as his hands were filled with a tray of food and fresh water.

Cas froze, eyes shocked wide, undergarments in hand as he stood there beside his bed, pale skin and smooth expanses of leanly muscled, very grown up, body showing.

*

Dean had expected Castiel to not being ready when he re-entered his bedroom back first, wanted to give him a moment time to pull himself together - when he turned around though and saw that Castiel would have needed a lot more than a short moment, the stuffed tray almost slipped out of his hands. A bunch of grapes slid off the tray but Dean didn’t even notice. His eyes were fixed on the other man’s naked body, completely oblivious of how rude and inappropriate it was of him, staring shamelessly like this.

“You..”, he started but wasn’t even sure what he was trying to say.

His gaze dropped from Castiel’s naked chest to his stomach, flat and just faintly muscular, further down to where one of his hands rested on his hip. His skin was almost white and it was one of the things, Dean had always loved most about Castiel. He swallowed hard, as he tried his best to raise his head and look back into Castiel’s eyes. Clearing his throat he continued.

”..food…. I have-.. you should have dinner…”

Then, finally, he managed to avert his eyes, swallowing again and turning to carry the tray over to the bedside table and setting it down, carefully rearranging the several small meals on the tray, doing everything to keep busy, to give Castiel time to dress and himself the chance to get his arousal under control, his tight riding pants already slightly tenting in the groin.

*

Castiel finally managed to bring his mind back to the present, the way Dean’s eyes had roved over his body not going unnoticed. He felt a flush creep into his cheeks and dressed quickly, black britches and a pale blue shirt that remained untucked, open at the neckline. The amulet still hid inside the shirt, safe from prying eyes. He had hid it all through school, knowing that jewellery was expressly forbidden, and all items of taboo were taken away and destroyed.

Cas cleared his throat to signal that it was alright for Dean to look up again, and nodded to him before he spoke again.

“…Thank you for this.”

He licked his lips and frowned slightly, hoped to bring the conversation around to something distracting.

“My Father is gone for two months to New York. I will be in charge while he is gone… I… Please let me know if you are in need of anything… or any of the other occupants of the manor… or the quarters, need of anything. I do not know everyone now… so much has changed.”

He walked to the window while he spoke, pulled the thick drapery back to look outside. The overcast day cast soft filtered light over his face, highlighting dark stubble and crystal blue eyes, his profile standing out in contrast with the rich burgundy drapes.

*

Dean nodded his head ‘yes’, pouring a glass of water and then walking over to stand next to Castiel, handing him the gracefully curved glass. They shared a long look and Dean watched without shame as Castiel raised the glass to his lips and drank, a droplet of water running down his chin and throat, making it almost impossible for Dean not to reach out and brush it away. He didn’t, though, turning away just in time to hold himself back, walking back to the bedside table and fumbling with the several tables and cutlery.

“You shouldn’t stay inside all day”, he then said, out of context and felt Castiel’s gaze hot on the skin of the back of his neck.

“The landscape is beautiful at this time of the year. You shouldn’t waste a day inside, as long as it’s still mild outside.”

He cleared his throat, then turned around, taking a few steps forward and leaning against a bed post.

“You could just summon the servants.. I am sure they all would be pleased to meet you again.”

*

It was all Cas could take not to rush over and tackle Dean onto the bed like he used to when they were kids, wrestling and giggling until they were panting from the exertion. He didn’t though, even as his hands itched to touch Dean again, to go back to the day he came home and instead of responding like the cold lifeless mannequin they had made him into, wrapping Dean in his arms and telling him how much he had missed him. How much he loved him still, even though he shouldn’t. Even though it was a sin.

Instead he stood still, back straight, and looked out over the grounds while he listened to Dean talk, just enjoying the sound of his deep warm voice. Cas spoke again, and found himself blushing at how harsh and gravelly his own voice sounded compared to Dean’s.

“Thank you… I think I will call for a meeting tonight… perhaps a dinner… When was the last time there was a dinner with the family and the servants together?”

He turned his head to look at Dean, an eyebrow raised inquisitively. Cas could remember long picnics where everyone took the day off when he was a child and his Father was away, and the servants and children of the household alike came together and played and ate and slept under the apple trees in the shade.

*

Dean licked his lips, unable to avert his eyes from the young man looking at him with interest and a still slightly wet neck. He gulped and slowly shook his head.

“I can’t remember”, he simply says and it’s the truth.

Ever since Castiel had left, this tradition had slowly but surely faded away, until the relationship between the Milton family and their servants had become as cold as Castiel, when he had first returned from boarding school.

Their gazes meet once more and again neither of them is able to break the eye contact too soon. This time it’s Castiel who makes the first step, turning away to look outside the window again and Dean can finally move.

“I will leave you to eat”, he says, slowly making his way over to the door and stopping, one hand on the doorknob “Please eat, Castiel. I worry about your health.”

And with that Dean leaves his bedroom, hurrying down the corridor, down the stairs and into the servants’ quarters. The room is empty when he bursts in and shuts the door, before he sinks down against it, breathing heavily.

“Cas..”, he breathes, closing his eyes, thinking back to the moment he had entered the bedroom, finding his young master completely nude, faint blush on his cheeks. He groans, as he shoves his hand down his pants, roughly gripping his erection and bringing himself off, the image of Castiel’s lean body, his slender hips and beautiful cock vividly on his mind…


	7. Chapter 7

Castiel ate as Dean had urged him to do, seated cross legged on his bed, looking over a new book he had brought back with him from England. His accent hadn’t been affected that much from his time over there, surrounded by English and American teachers and students alike, it had just become a bit clipped, rather than drawn out the way the people spoke in this part of the Americas.

He ate in silence, reading quietly, and when he was done he took a walk around the grounds, bundled in a coat and bidding all the servants hello with a curt nod at first. By the end of his walk around the manor and the grounds though, there was a feeling of familiarity and warmth that he couldn’t ignore, childhood memories having come flooding back to him. Every servant he saw now got a soft smile and a gentle nod, and soon the entire manor was buzzing with the change in the young master’s behavior.

Castiel soon called for the head servants, the ones in charge of the grounds keeping, the head ostler, the main cook and the main housekeeper. They were to meet for dinner, just the five of them, that evening at 5pm, just as the sun would set. Castiel had much to discover about the way things were being run now, if anything was going to change for the better.

*

When Dean got the message to come to Milton Manor that afternoon, he felt confused, anxious even, but as soon as he learned that it wasn’t a dinner for two but for five, he felt more relaxed. He put on his best clothes, that still didn’t even come close to what Castiel and his family was wearing, but he didn’t feel as worthless, when he walked up the muddy path to the mansion. He rang the doorbell once and waited, one of the housemaids, Missouri opening him and escorting him to the dining room. Half of the guests were already present, but their host was still missing. At 5 o’clock sharp Castiel entered the dining room, clad in a dark black suit, radiating confidence and determination. He sat down at the head of the table and the servants started bringing in the first course. Dean felt much more comfortable in Castiel’s presence with the other servants around, being able to look at him for longer than a minute for the first time since he came back.

*

Castiel spoke in a calm determined voice, hands steepled under his chin as he looked around at all the faces present.

“I have brought you here because things are…. not right here, under this roof, and on these grounds.”

He cleared his throat and placed his hands flat on the table in front of him, smooth fingers lying unmoving on the dark cherry wood.

“You are the heads of this estate, you four are the cogs that keep things moving here, working properly…and you have not been appreciated.”

His eyes flick to Dean as he says the last word, then continue to move around to the other faces.

“My Father will be gone for two months. He has not cared for this place, or his staff as he should have in my absence…. I… have made mistakes of my own,” Castiel admits, with a slight hanging of his head, before he looked back up, face stern.

“…that will not happen again. This place is my home, and I will not be leaving again. We will return it to what it once was, and then make it even better. We will work together on this.”

His words are fierce, said with a fire that came from a place deep within the young man, a place of strength and heart. It had saddened him to walk around and see all the servants gape when he smiled, and even worse, some ran away or cowered. This was not the way things should be, and he knew part of that was his fault, because of what he had done to Dean. There was something else there though, a disconnect, as if they expected him to not even look at them, and were surprised when Cas acknowledged they were human.

*

Dean’s breath hitched slightly, as Castiel spoke of the ‘mistakes’ he had made but he was pretty sure, nobody noticed. He leaned back into his chair, folding his hands on his lap, as he tried to look at Cas as casual as possible. A few moments passed in which everybody present shared short looks full of confusion and doubt. It was very unusual of a member of the family speaking so openly, so down to earth about changing the tone around and Dean couldn’t blame them for being wary of the sudden change in mind. Then the main cook who was sitting opposite to Dean cleared his throat and got the attention of the rest of the table’s occupants.

“This sounds very.. commendable, Sir… but Master Charles will be back eventually. Wouldn’t he object to the changes you suggest?”

There was approving mumbling all around and Dean licked his lips, looking over at Castiel who still seemed very calm and focussed.

“I’m sorry, Sir - but I agree..”, Dean said slowly when the voices had become quiet again and the look he gave Castiel was compassionate “We just don’t want you to waste your time on something that will be destroyed in a heartbeat anyway.”

*

Castiel’s fingers gripped the wood in front of him and his head snapped up to look at the servants coming in to drop off the next course. He shook his head at them and they quickly retreated. Cas cleared his throat.

“….My Father…. will not be around forever. He wants Michael to take over the manor… but Michael does not want to. Gabriel is too free spirited. I will be the one to take over the manor, and keep things alive here….”

He spoke in a firm voice.

“Are…. Are any of you happy here, as things are?”

Cas looked around the room at the four faces staring back at him, and saw exactly what he thought he’d see. Surprise. Not one person in the room expected that question to come out of the mouth of their young master.

*

It was Dean who spoke first this time, softly shaking his head no, his gaze firmly on Castiel.

“No, Sir. This place isn’t what it used to be.”

He knew the others agreed with this but it still seemed to surprise them that Dean was so straight forward in the young master’s presence.

“We welcome change. And I think I speak for all of us if I assure you to help with whatever you plan. But.. it would be… comforting to know what we are signing up for here…”

*

Cas felt something warm inside of him, his heart skipping a beat as Dean looked him in the eye for the longest period of time since he’d been back.

“The house is falling apart… I noticed water damage to the veranda, broken windows in the back, and the stairs are weak. The apple orchards are not being cared for… there is mistletoe in over twenty of the trees. The horses….. are beautiful.”

His eyes flickered over to Dean as the corner of his lips quirked slightly.

“But the barn needs to be re-roofed….”

He sighed and frowned.

“More… than any of the things that need to be taken care of… is this feeling… There is nothing of family in this estate anymore… when…. when I was a child I felt at home with every person in this estate. I do not understand what happened to make that feeling disappear from this place… but we will bring it back. Starting tomorrow, with a feast for all.”

*

The four servants exchanged a few quiet looks, before turning to face their master and stating their approval. Dinner got served and unlike all the years before, there was a comfortable atmosphere and excited chatter about the upcoming changes. Dean left the mansion with the others past midnight, only turning his head once, giving Castiel, who was watching them leave from the door frame, a small smile.

Castiel kept his promise and organized a pretty impressive banquet, considering the short notice. Literally everyone was invited, from cook maid to housekeeper, from stable boy to gardener. In the beginning the atmosphere was tense, everyone only slowly getting used to the fact that things would probably change and still being a bit wary about it. Dean sat down next to his brother and Joanna at the end of one of the long-stretched tables, joining in their cheerful laughter, when his eyes caught Castiel’s. They held the gaze for a moment, before Dean nodded and turned his head away again.

-

Time flew and within three weeks things around Milton Manor had changed drastically. Slowly but surely Castiel had convinced everyone to join him in his plan and even Sam seemed to hate him a little less nowadays. When Castiel had first showed up at the stables, wearing simple pants and a dirty, patched shirt, Dean had almost choked and had only hardly managed to refrain from rubbing his eyes. His request of Dean helping him with some work around the house, had been accepted rather quickly and soon it was common for them spending half the day together. It almost reminded Dean of their childhood, Castiel being a lot more laid back and high spirited than he had been when he first returned home. Still, whenever Dean entered the mansion or Castiel met him down at the stables, there was this tension, a tingling sensation seizing his whole body and Dean couldn’t quite grasp just what it was for a while. By now he knew that it was fear. It wasn’t like he was actually scared of Castiel, not anymore at least. But there was this doubt, the anxiety that maybe, some day Dean would do something wrong, something that would displease the young master, something that would make him mad and forget himself again.

*

In the past three weeks, a lot had been done around the estates, more and more as the weather warmed, spring coming late and dry. This was great for the re-roofing of the stable, which was almost completed.

It was amazing to Castiel, watching Dean as they worked. The boy he had known had grown up into a gorgeous man, tall and muscled, strong and kind. Every thing that he did spoke of the upbringing he’d had, an actual Father figure that gave him morals and guidelines, not lectures and beatings.

They worked together on the roof, placing shingles and hammering nail after nail in place. Joanna brought them lemonade at a little after noon, and they both took a break in the shade of the barn.

Cas rested in the shade, mopped his forehead with the shirt he had just taken off, barely any part of it dry from the amount of sweat he had worked up from their morning work.

He drank his lemonade in silence for a moment, seated on a bale of hale.

“….Dean… I have asked Anna to leave you alone.”

His eyes flickered over toward where Dean was sitting, then back to the lemonade in his hands.

“She confessed that she knew you were merely indulging her, and did not actually want a future with her…. was she correct?”

*

When Castiel started talking, Dean, who had put down his tools to get some large gulps of the lemonade, choked on his drink. He wiped his mouth with his left wrist, coughing a few times before looking back up into his master’s guilty face. Licking his lips, he stared back into his wondering, blue eyes, thinking of how he could possible break this to him. Eventually he put the glass down on the ground next to the hay roll, turning his body towards Castiel’s.

“Mistress Anna.. she was very lonely”, he began, choosing his words very carefully “She’s always been gentle and very kind towards me.. everyone around the house. I…….. it never occurred to me that she-.. how she felt about me.”

He fell silent again, his eyes still on Castiel, even as he realized that this was the most awkward conversation they’d ever had, talking about why he had been sleeping with his childhood friend’s sister.

“I didn’t want to hurt her feelings”, he eventually said, lowering his head to stare at Castiel’s hands, resting balled up in his lap and for a moment he forgot about their different social ranks, the distance that had been growing in the past seven years, and reached out to cup Castiel’s hands with his own, squeezing lightly.

“I’m sorry…”

*

Castiel stiffened slightly, then slowly intertwined their fingers, bringing the back of Dean’s hand to his cheek and just leaning into the touch for a moment. He let go of Dean and picked up his lemonade glass again, drained the rest of it in one gulp, then stood up and tossed his shirt on the hale bale.

“I think we can finish the roof today… what do you think?”

He backs up, shading his eyes with one hand from the sun to look at the progress they had made thus far on the new stable roof.

The entire estate had been working hard. They had started almost immediately after the banquet, working first on the large job of things around the house, shutters that hung off one hinge, the termite eaten stairs and the veranda that was falling apart. Once those were done and painted, they had moved onto the stable, and next in line were the apple trees and the mistletoe problem.

During this time Castiel had not mentioned the incident with Dean and Castiel taking a whip to his best friend’s back again, respecting Dean’s wishes. But he had not forgotten it, nor had he forgiven himself. It lay in the back of his mind, festering like a wound, and even when Castiel came at night the idea of that freckled body trapped underneath him as he rocked inside of Dean, he felt overwhelming guilt once the pleasure had washed away.


	8. Chapter 8

Another month passed in busy efficiency, as every occupant of Milton Manor did his and her best to assist in making the mansion and its grounds as glorious as they once had been. Two months after Castiel’s inspiring speech, it was already blatantly visible, how much the house had changed, both in appearance and atmosphere. Servants were greeting cheerily instead of frightened and intimidated, sharing conversations and laughter as they worked hand in hand with the Milton children present. Soon all the large, time consuming jobs were done and left everyone with taking care of the smaller things, like patching up torn apart cushioning or re-painting some parts of the fences. A few days ago Castiel had sprained his ankle, accidentally falling down the stairs in front of the manor. It wasn’t that bad but the doctor had confined the young master to bed and forbid every kind of labor. So when the whole mansion left for cutting down the trees with mistletoe far on the other end of the grounds, Dean was left behind, taking care of Castiel’s needs. He wasn’t sure how it had come to this and part of him would’ve given everything to go with his colleagues. As much as he had enjoyed the last weeks, the fact that they spent almost as much time as they had back in their childhood, working closely together, their fingers brushing every so often - there was still a certain form of cool distance, a feeling that took hold of Dean whenever their gazes met or their bodies touched incidentally. The manor was quiet with everyone out and Dean didn’t like the way, his footsteps echoed through the large entrance hall, as he carried a tray with a glass carafe of cool ale to the lounge. Castiel was seated on the long-stretched davenport, facing the now off fireplace, lifting his head when Dean entered and put down the tray on the coffee table in front of him. He poured some of the beverage into a glass, offering it to his young master.

*

Castiel took it, his fingers brushed over Dean’s as he grasped the glass and he could feel his heart skip a beat. Cas pulled his hand back quickly, and almost as if in slow motion the glass dropped as they both released it at the same time. Cas tried to catch it again as it fell, but was not swift enough, and soon the glass was shattered on the floor, Dean stuttering that he would clean up the mess, and that he was sorry, and that it was his mistake.

It broke Castiel’s heart to see someone who was once so full of spirit, so open and honest and equal with him be like this. Afraid. It did not suit Dean at all.

His voice was firm when he spoke, but calm.

“Dean.”

Dean hesitated from bending down to start picking up the glass, looked up at his master.

“…Yes Master?”

“….Please… don’t call me that… I hate it… I hate it so much…. I hate to see you like this.”

He stood up, ignoring the Doctor’s advice and the broken glass on the floor, his feet bare, as he stepped to the step and around the mess to stand leaning against the chair nearest Dean.

“I…. I wish with all my heart I had never hurt you. I should have never whipped you. I miss you Dean.”

Cas’ voice cracked as he spoke, trying his hardest to continue looking Dean in the eyes.

“I miss the way things were when we were children… when you looked at me as a friend… not your master… when you saw me as someone who brought you happiness… not pain… I would do anything to take that back.”

Castiel’s face was contorted with pain, longing for what once was, and anger at himself. His hand gripped the chair back tight, hanging on as he wavered on his feet slightly, all his weight on one foot alone.

*

He knew where this was heading, even before Castiel had gotten up, even before he had started speaking. And still his words hit Dean hard, made him take a few steps backward, away, out of reach for the other man.

”..stop….”

The word came silently, more a plea than a demand, as Dean forced himself to look up into his master’s-… Castiel’s eyes.

“I never asked you for anything.. so please…. just.. don’t talk about it. I beg you-..”

But Castiel shook his head, letting go of the chair back and limping over, crossing the distance between them slowly, as he started speaking, started apologizing again.

“I hurt you.. I betrayed your trust and I.. I know I can never.. there is no way-“

“SHUT UP!”

The words broke out of Dean without a chance of holding them back. He had his face covered with his hands, trying to calm himself but feeling tears welling up in his eyes.

“Yes, you hurt me.. I.. I felt like I could never forgive you for what you did to me…..”

He took a shaky breath, his lean body trembling with the emotional pain of those memories.

“I would have done anything to make you happy.. anything to make you appreciate me and our friendship like you did when you left. And you.. you took advantage of my love and respect for you and you broke me. You broke my heart, Castiel.”

A broken sob escaped his lips at those last words and he couldn’t stop himself from sinking down on his knees and crying, desperately, shamelessly, kneeling on the cool wooden floor.

*

Cas felt something inside him break, crumble apart when Dean confessed that he had broken Dean’s heart with his actions. A strangled whimper escaped his lips as he sank to his knees quickly, ignoring the twinge of pain from his ankle, and gathered the crying man into his arms. The hug was tight, desperate as almost immediately Dean stiffened in his arms and tried to shove Castiel away, but Cas wouldn’t let him.

“No…No Dean….Please…”

There was a plead in there, an aching hurt to the way Castiel was begging Dean to let him hold him, rocking slightly as he held the other man to him. Dean’s hands covered his face as Castiel held him, effectively trapping his arms against Cas’ chest. Both men shook with Dean’s sobs, and soon Castiel was crying as well, silent tears running down his cheeks in scalding hot paths as he spoke over and over against Dean’s neck.

“I’m sorry…I’m sorry…I’m so sorry Dean…”

Dean shuddered against Cas, pushing again with a whimper, trying in a feeble attempt to run away from the other man, but Cas just tightened his hold on Dean, pulling him back in so that now their foreheads were pressed together, Dean’s eyes squeezed shut around his tears, but Castiel’s were open as he stared at the man in front of him, in such obvious pain. Castiel gave a shuddering breath, and as the end of the exhale with a soft sob, spoke as his hands shifted to clasp either side of Dean’s face.

“I love you.”

*

The words didn’t sink in at first. Dean was still crying too hard, sobs echoing in the spacious room, as he tried and tried and kept on trying to get away from this man, the person who had broken his heart, the person who Dean still couldn’t stay away from, lost in his orbit, circling around him without the slightest chance of ever breaking free. He swallowed heavily, a shaky breath escaping his slightly parted lips, as he slowly realized what Castiel’s words had meant. He opened his eyes almost reluctantly, lips still trembling as he looked up into Castiel’s eyes, blue and glistening with tears, running down over his pale cheeks. His mouth opened but not a word came over his tear covered lips, as he softly shook his head, unbelieving, uncomprehending. His hands tensed up against Castiel’s chest as he tried to push him away once again but failed, his arms gliding down to rest against his own sides, slack and unmoving.

“Don’t.. don’t say that….. let me go..”

His voice was quiet, nothing more than a whisper, afraid that if he spoke any louder, he would start yelling again. But Cas didn’t let go. His arms still embraced Dean tightly, leaving him no chance to escape and the longer he was trapped in his arms, the more Dean realized that it was okay. That this was the only place he wanted to be, the only place that ever felt right. Castiel was his home, his safe haven, his destiny. And with that thought, Dean’s hands came up to wrap around Castiel’s shoulders, as he leaned forward, pressing his lips onto Cas’, the desperate need finally taking over his whole being, making it impossible to withstand.

*

There was an explosion inside Castiel in that moment, a million voices shouting at him, deafening in their vehemence and anger.

‘DISGUSTING! VILE! SINNER! YOU’RE GOING TO HELL FOR THESE THOUGHTS! GOD HATES MEN LIKE YOU! FILTHY PERVERT!’

Castiel’s fingers dug into Dean’s back just slightly, and then he released him quickly, breaking the kiss with a soft ‘No…’.

His forehead furrowed, lower lip quivering.

“…G…god….Dean…”

He shook, the memories of being alone in a dark room for weeks coming back to the surface, of his first kiss and caress as an adult leading to a beating with a flexible cane of willow, so severe he couldn’t sit without wincing for over a week. They swirled in his head along with his Father’s reprimand of ‘You are a disappointment.’

Castiel let out a soft gasp and touched his fingers to his lips, brushing them over the tingling flesh. Cas was visibly shaking, the look of horror and fear on his face unmistakable, lost in a loop of damning phrases and dark places in his head.

His eyes unfocused and for a moment it looked like Cas might pass out, but with a few shuddering breaths he came back to himself, and looked over at Dean slowly, blinking. In that moment another flashback hit, this one filled with laughing summers and cuddle filled winters, riding in the forest and discovering new worlds in ponds together. He let out a soft sound, determination filling him, and Cas reached out again to wrap a hand around the back of Dean’s neck, pulling him into another kiss; this one was harder than the last, desperate almost in its fierceness. He spoke against the other man’s lips, quiet and quick, more to himself than to Dean.

“I don’t care…. I don’t care what they say or think or believe…. I love you,- I love you so much Dean.”

He looks into Dean’s eyes and brushes a tear away from the corner of his eye.

“And no one is going to tell me that’s wrong.”

*

Dean’s head was filled with fear, overpowering his every other feeling for the few moments, in which Castiel was pulling back, whispering no, his eyes speaking of painful memories and deadly terror. And then he’s back, pressing his body flush against Dean’s and kissing him and Dean can’t think of anything at that moment. He didn’t know where Cas had been just a few seconds ago, could only guess that he was having a hard time dealing with these feelings - but it didn’t matter. Not when Castiel’s hands were on his face, the back of his neck, holding him but no longer trapping him, guiding him towards the man he loved, the man he had always adored more than anyone else excluding his family. A soft sigh escaped his lips as he let go of that last bit of reluctance, that last ounce of worry and leaned into the kiss, parting his lips and tilting his head, slightly changing the angle. His hands, still resting on Castiel’s back, slowly started moving, tracing his shoulder blades, the skin just above his spine, down to rest on his hips, stroking his sides and pulling him in closer.

“Cas..”, he breathed in between kisses but being silenced by another, even hungrier kiss, as Castiel pushed his tongue into his mouth, sending jolts of pleasure through Dean’s whole body, when it touched his own, dominant and yet so very loving.

*

Castiel had waited so long; 20 long, untouched years. The few kisses or caresses he’d shared in his life had been either chaste, or hurried and rushed. Neither had been as fulfilling as this; neither could even hope to touch the way Dean was making him feel now, filled to the brim with emotion, overflowing with need and want.

Cas moved quickly, pulling Dean even closer and starting to fumble with Dean’s clothing, fingers clumsy but urgent, every button an obstacle that stood between him and what he needed ever so desperately to see. Cas had seen Dean while they worked together, the strong shoulders and thick and muscled torso leaving him aching hours later, cock throbbing to the memory of the freckles across Dean’s shoulders. Now he could see and touch and taste, and Dean wanted it. He wanted him. He had never wanted Anna, and the realization hit somewhere in the back of his head, but he ignored it, more important things at hand.

Like Dean being naked and underneath him in the next five minutes. Cas shuddered and gave up on being gentle with he man he loved, taking hold of the shirt and ripping it open, buttons popping off and scattering over the wood floor. Cas backed away from the kiss to look, unabashedly admiring the flesh before him, tanned and freckled and begging to be touched.

“You are so beautiful Dean…”

*

Dean’s eyelids fluttered close when Cas started touching his upper body, hands on the buttons of his shirt and only winced once and slightly when he felt the fabric rip open. A long stretched sigh escaped his lips, as he opened his eyes again, looking over into Castiel’s bright face, blushing as he realized the older man was taking in his naked form unashamedly. Dean moved closer, hands sliding up Castiel’s arms and coming to a halt around his neck, thumbs brushing over the warm skin there. He bit his lower lip, swallowing hard when he let his gaze wander over his face, taking in every detail, the faint traces of stubble, the light laugh lines around his eyes and the thick lashes, almost female in their delicacy.

“Cas..”, he said and it was so much more than a name, so many feelings poured into this one-syllable-word, more significant than a thousand words of affection, of devotion “Cas, please…..”

He leaned in to kiss his lips once more, before pulling back, laying down on the floor, his hands gently tugging the other man along, as he spread himself out before him, panting and sweating, naked chest heaving in anticipation.

There was so much he wanted to say.

‘Take me, make me yours, make me forget’

But not a word came over his lips. Nothing he could say seemed right or important enough, nothing could express what he was feeling right now. So he let his body speak for him. His hands left Castiel’s hips, slowly, almost teasingly sliding up over his chest, deft, impatient fingers popping open button after button of Castiel’s clothing, then sliding further down, over his thighs, his knees, before moving over to Dean’s own body, letting his fingers travel over his stomach, his chest, neck, cheeks, until they came to rest right above his head. He looked wrecked and achingly erotic like this and he noticed Castiel’s body trembling with want, even more than only seconds ago. He didn’t move though, so Dean shifted his hips, spreading his legs and hooking them together around Castiel’s torso, pulling him in as an unmistakable invitation.

*

Castiel shuddered at Dean’s gentle touches, shutting his eyes for a moment to just savor the feeling of the man’s warm fingers traveling over his body. He opened his eyes when the fingers finished unbuttoning his shirt, and his breath hitched in his throat at the sight of Dean touching himself. Even in his best fantasies Dean was never like this, so laid out and open for him. Cas felt warmth pool deep in his belly, his cock twitching to life and rapidly hardening in his pants at the actions of the gorgeous man before him. Cas licked his lips and leaned down, propping himself up on his forearms, kissing Dean gently, but quickly the kisses became hungry, needy.

Cas slid one of his hands down Dean’s torso to his hip, gripping it before lowering his body completely on top of Dean’s and grinding down into him, hips gyrating slowly to the rhythm of their kisses.

“Dean…”

His voice was a whisper but deep, hoarse in his throat.

“Please be mine…”

He kissed down to Dean’s neck, nipping gently at the skin there, licking and sucking to taste it, groaning at the salty sweet taste of Dean, the smell musky and heavy, invading his every sense with DEAN. Cas felt himself grow ever harder with each slow grinding thrust against the man beneath him, and knew that he would have to do something soon, his cock’s impatience throbbing out with his heart beat against Dean’s body.

*

Dean didn’t hold back anymore. There was no logical reason, nobody around to hear him, to see them. So he let himself go. Moaning deep with every touch of Cas’ body to his own. He closed his eyes, dwelling in the indescribable feelings the man above him triggered inside him, his hands twitching above his head with every of Castiel’s thrusts against his groin. He couldn’t keep his hands off of him for any longer though, reaching out to grab Castiel’s hips, fingers sliding up and down his sides, over his arms, and back up to wrap around his neck, as Cas kept kissing and sucking a wet line down Dean’s throat.

“Cas.. Cas…”, he gasped, trying his hardest to steady his voice but failing, coming apart beneath Castiel “I’m yours Cas.. I’ve always….. always been…”

There was a low groan escaping Castiel’s throat at Dean’s words and Dean knew this was right, knew this was exactly what Cas had wanted, had hoped to hear. Cas was grinding down again and Dean moaned, lips half parted, eyelids fluttering open to look at the man above him. Dean’s hands found Castiel’s open jacket and pushed it back, down over his arms and off, sliding back up to continue undressing him. He cursed the complicated, layered clothing Cas wore and a frustrated sound escaped his lips as his slightly trembling fingers failed to open the buttons as swiftly as he had planned.

“Need you.. now, Cas… please……”


	9. Chapter 9

Cas sat up quickly, ripping the confounded jacket from his body and then the vest and overshirt, leaving him in only the soft thing undershirt and his pants, which he undid with trembling fingers, breath heavy as he watched Dean beneath him. It suddenly occurred to Castiel that he didn’t want to do this here… not here, in a lounge, where there wasn’t a proper bed.

Castiel leaned down and kissed Dean again, long and sweet, before backing away just an inch to look into the man’s eyes.

“Let us move to my bedroom….”

He stands up cautiously, making sure not to place too much weight on his leg, and gathers his discarded clothing in one arm before turning around to make sure that Dean was following. Cas was able to put weight on his leg, but not for long, so was grateful when Dean helped him up the stairs and down the hallway to his bedroom. The second the door is closed though, clothes are tossed away and Cas had Dean pinned against the door, his hands everywhere, needing to touch every inch of Dean’s freckled skin.

“I missed you… I missed you so much Dean…”

He speaks between feverish kisses, his hands working to strip Dean of the rest of his clothing.

“I…. I have always wanted you… wanted this… The thought… of….. Anna…..”

He growls, not even able to finish the sentence, and shoves his hand down Dean’s pants, wrapping around his cock and starting to pump his fist over the hard-on, mouth working over a mark that was already a dark red on Dean’s neck.

*

Dean followed without a word, arm wrapped around Castiel’s hip to steady him, only to find himself pressed against the door, as soon as they’re inside Cas’ bedroom. A quiet moan fell off his lips, as Cas shifted closer, kissing and touching him everywhere. But then his voice dropped an octave, and Dean could almost feel the emotional pain it caused Cas to talk about Anna. He wanted to help him, soothe his pain, tell him that it didn’t matter, nothing ever would matter, as long as they were together but Cas’ hand is in his pants and suddenly every coherent thought was erased from Dean’s mind. He cried out unashamedly, bucking forward into Cas’ hand, his fingers gripping the thin undershirt hard, tugging him closer and resting his forehead against Cas’ shoulder.

“Oh-.. oh… Cas…”, he gasped, hot breath ghosting over Castiel’s skin, as his fingers found the hem of his shirt and pulled, pulled it up and over his head and finally, finally there was naked skin beneath his hands and Dean touched everywhere he could reach. It suddenly occured to him, just why the thought of Anna brought so much pain to his lover. He suddenly understood that it hadn’t been righteous anger driving Cas to punish Dean - it had been desperate love and furious jealousy.

“Don’t.. think of her….. I’ve always.. always thought of you, Cas……. I’ve always loved you..”

*

Cas kissed Dean again, his hand still working over the other man’s cock slowly but with a firm grip. He broke the kiss to move toward the bed, carefully taking off his pants and shoes and socks as he went, until by the time they reached the four poster bed, now bare of its winter curtains, Cas was only in his underwear. The white cloth hung loose around his hips, slung low over jutting hip bones. He pulled Dean to him again, kissing him slowly, and then pushed Dean down onto the bed. Cas peeled the rest of Dean’s clothing off of him, breath catching in his throat at the sight before him and it’s all Cas can do not to pounce on top of Dean and take him right then and there. But there was an order to these things, and Cas wasn’t about to screw anything else up, no matter how badly his cock ached for attention.

He crawled onto the bed next to Dean and pulled the other man close, kissing his slow and deep, his hands gliding over Dean’s muscular body, the warmth from his skin intoxicating.

It occured to Cas that he may want to confess something before they move any further, so he broke the kiss and pulled back, looking into Dean’s confused eyes.

“Dean…. I have not……. Done this, with anyone before.”

Dean blinked and smiled.

“I haven’t with a man either….”

“..No… I mean…anyone. I am still a virgin.”

*

Dean licked his lips, slowly, as he lets the words sink in. Cas was a virgin. This was.. unexpected…. of course he knew that the boarding school he had been sent to was very strict, very respectable - but he had always kind of assumed, that in their free time the students would have the possibility to go out, have fun and… maybe one or another sexual encounter, as well. He blushed at the thought of Castiel’s body still being untouched, at the knowledge that he, Dean, would be the first person to see him coming undone, to make him writhe in excitement, cry out in ecstasy and he felt his cock twitch at that prospect. Somehow he felt… dirty, unworthy, already defiled by Anna’s touches and kisses and he turned his head to the side for a moment, taking a deep breath, before looking up into Castiel’s wondering eyes again.

“Don’t worry”, he said, voice gentle and soothing “I’ll show you..”

It was true, Dean had never had sex with a man before. But back when he first discovered his sexuality, thinking about Cas had made him.. curious and imaginative. So when he was sure of Castiel watching him intently, Dean raised his hand to his lips, sucking in index and second finger, before he moved his hand down his body, sliding over his pelvis, ignoring his leaking cock, and further down over his perineum. He moaned, deep in the back of his throat, preparing for what was coming next. The first finger slid inside without much resistance and still the odd feeling sent chills over Dean’s whole body. He spread his legs farther, shifting his hips to grant Cas the best view as he moved his finger inside of himself.

“I.. I’ve always thought of you when.. when I was doing this..”, he whispered, his words only interrupted by low moans, when he grazed a very sensible spot.

*

Castiel’s eyes widened as far as humanly possible as Dean slid his finger inside of himself, so easily swallowed deep into the man’s body. Cas leaned over to watch, absentmindedly stroking a hand up and down the inside of Dean’s thigh, and when he inserted a second finger, Cas’ hand griped the thigh tight, a stuttered gasping moan escaping his throat.

“Oh….Dean…”

Castiel was catching on, and had already figured out that he was to make love to Dean in the fashion that was deemed immoral and wrong by his Father and the church- and he didn’t care what they thought anymore. He wanted Dean so badly, wanted to watch him moan and see what his face truly looked like when he reached ecstasy; Cas needed to replace the memory of Dean’s face as it had been when he had caught Anna molesting Dean behind the barn. Cas needed to hear Dean cry out his name as he climaxed, wanted to swallow the man’s moans as he made love to him for the first time.

He leaned down and kissed Dean slowly, sliding his hand up his thigh to grasp his lover’s cock gently, wrapping fingers firmly around the length and slowly pumping his fist, tighter around the head, thumb brushing over the slit and spreading the precome that had collected there.

*

The sensations took over Dean’s whole being, threatened to drive him mad even before anything had really happened. His fingers kept moving inside of himself, as Cas’ hand came down to stroke his cock, making Dean’s breath hitch with pleasure. It was hard keeping his eyes open but he didn’t want to miss a second, not even a single facial expression. Cas was beautiful like this. He didn’t hide anymore, didn’t try to cover his feelings or desires and it was glorious. He bit his lip, as he kept stroking Dean, his fingers both gentle and passionate, moving over his length quickly, teasing moan after moan out of Dean. Eventually the younger man raised his free hand to grip Castiel’s upper arm, fingers digging in the warm, sweaty flesh, as his eyes dropped to where his master’s hand was pleasuring him, the slick sounds both embarrassing and arousing him.

“L-like that..”, he managed to say, just before another moan slipped over his lips, as he let his head fall back, baring his throat to the other man.

He felt feather light kisses, soon replaced by strong, possessive ones, marking his body, making it his and the thought - if even possible - turned him on even more. Soon the whole bedroom was filled with their moans and Dean found that he wouldn’t even care if they weren’t alone. They had suffered for so long, alone and apart from each other, scared and unsure - who could possibly deny their love? Who had the right to tell them this was wrong, dirty even? Another long stretched moan escaped his throat as their hands in Dean’s groin brushed against each other and reluctantly Dean let his fingers slip out of his body to travel up Castiel’s hand, holding him still for a moment.

They exchanged a look, filled with nothing but love and devotion, before Dean slowly sat up, pushing Cas backwards until he was spread out on the bed beneath, a look of surprise on his beautiful features. Dean smiled brightly at him, the first, real smile in Castiel’s presence since his return, and lowered his head to kiss him, long and passionately. Castiel’s hips bucked up but Dean held him still, kissing over his throat, his collarbone, stopping to suck at his pectoral muscles, his nipples. The sounds his lover made were music to his ears and he smiled against the sensitive flesh, as he continued to kiss and lick a wet stripe down Castiel’s stomach. He licked his lips, shooting a quick glance up at Castiel, who seemed absolutely flustered and confused, before lowering his head again, fingers wrapped around the thick, throbbing cock, as his lips parted to embrace it into hot, tight wetness.

*

Castiel all but sobbed as Dean took his cock deep inside his mouth, fingers wrapped tight around the length. The blue eyes stared at the ceiling for a moment, trying to focus on something that wouldn’t just shove Cas right over the edge straight into climax. Once the moment had passed and Cas was sure he wouldn’t let go the moment he saw Dean like this, he looked down, and fuck, he was wrong it was still hard not to let go. Dean’s plush lips were wrapped obscenely tight around his girth, Cas’ cock disappeared deep inside his mouth, and a thrill of pleasure shocks straight up his spine when Dean looked up at him, green eyes on his as his cheeks hollowed out and a gorgeous sucking sound filled the room.

Cas’ hips bucked toward Dean, but the other held him in place with two firm hands, gripping bruisingly hard over jutting hipbones.

Cas shivered, soft moans and gasps escaping his lips as Dean worked him over, curling his tongue under the head and around the tip, before diving back down. He reached down and petted Dean’s hair, the sweat in it making the short strands stand up in spikes, whispering soft words of praise to his lover.

“D…Dean…..this-a..a..h….you feel so good…ah!…oh….god….p..please…..”

His voice strained, deeper than usual, gravel rough and hoarse from a lust choked throat, his eyes half lidded as he watched what had be the sexiest thing he’s ever seen happen before his very eyes. No fantasy could compare to this, all of his day dreams and wanton thoughts paled when in comparison with how Dean was sucking him now, flushed cheeks and soft moans that vibrated down Cas’ length to rocket up his spine and explode behind his eyes in flashes of pleasure. The smell alone, thick with dirt and sweat and the outdoors, all grasses and trees and strangely enough, spices… Dean’s smell was like an aphrodisiac, pushing Castiel closer to the edge with each inhalation.

“Dean!..S…stop…I …I can’t…”

*

It wasn’t the first time Dean had ever thought of doing this but it was the first time he actually acted out his desire. Of course it felt strange, Dean wasn’t used to this feeling and for a few endless moments he barely was able to breathe. He had to hold Cas down, stop him from pushing up and into his mouth. Once he got the grip of it, though, he sank down, taking in as much of Cas as he could, using his tongue and lips to pleasure his lover. He lost track of time, his head bobbing up and down, nose nuzzling into the thin pubic hair as he watched Cas come apart beneath him. With a jolt of pain, he remembered how his first time had been, how Anna had pushed him back against that same barn wall, kissing him and sliding to her knees, pulling out his cock and swallowing it down like a professional. He had hated himself for letting it happened, even more for actually enjoying it at some point. But knowing that now he could give Cas something incredible like this, knowing that he was the first to do it and that Castiel actually wanted it, had craved it for so long, was an indescribable feeling. When Cas gripped his hair, tugging slightly and moaning, begging, Dean pulled back a bit, his mouth leaving the throbbing flesh with a wet popping sound, before he crawled back up the bed, his lips meeting Cas’ in a fiery kiss. Closing his eyes and just concentrating on touching, smelling, tasting, he reached down, wrapping his hand around both their erections and bringing them together, moving his body slightly, moaning of the friction caused and breaking the kiss to lean his forehead against Cas’ shoulder.

“Cas.. oh….. god, I’m… I’m close….”

*

Castiel kissed him back just as fiercely, panting into Dean’s mouth as soft whimpering sounds came from deep inside of him. Cas’ hips jerked erratically up into Dean’s hand, the slick wet sounds of flesh on flesh driving him on.

It didn’t take long at all before Cas was indeed coming apart beneath Dean, his entire body stiffening and with a few sharp thrusts of his hips, Cas was coming in Dean’s hand with a shout of ‘DEAN!’ and a long cry. Cas’ fingers held tight around Dean’s shoulders, digging into the flesh and clinging to him as the first orgasm of his life that was delivered by another person rocked him to the core. Cas’ breathing was shallow and fast, puffing out of his mouth against Dean’s neck.

It took him a split second to realize that Dean hadn’t come yet, and with a shaky hand he flipped them, crawling down to Dean’s crotch and taking Dean into his mouth, mimicking what his lover had been doing to him just moments earlier with a moan. Cas worked his mouth and hand in unison, taking Dean as deep as he can, and in that moment realized that he has no reaction to Dean’s thick length sliding down his throat. Cas moaned and looked up at Dean, still shaking slightly from his own orgasm.

*

Hearing Cas’ voice as he came had to be one of the most beautiful if not the most beautiful thing Dean’s ever heard in his life. For a moment it seemed as if Cas was lost, moaning and taking in gasping breaths, still riding out his orgasm, a look of wonder on his flushed face. Then suddenly Dean is on his back with Cas hovering above him, sliding down his body and taking in his cock and Dean can’t hold back from thrusting his hips upwards in surprise and lust. Cas was good, oh good was he good, for somebody who seemingly had no practice in all things sex at all and Dean had a hard time holding himself back from thrusting into that tempting mouth, all plush lips and hungry tongue. He felt his orgasm building and grabbed Cas’ shoulder, digging his nails deep into the warm skin and pulling him up, this kiss almost shockingly desperate, hungry, needy. He cried out Cas’ name one last time and then he was coming, covering his and Cas’ bellies and the bedsheet beneath, as he was moaning uncontrollably into his mouth, tasting himself and tensing up at that thought, only to come even harder. He’s had some orgasms in his young life, some of them caused by a certain redhead, but most of them by his own hand and thoughts about the man above him. When he finally managed to open his eyes, Cas was still there, unlike in his numerous fantasies, where the image of Cas had always made place for the rough, leaky ceiling of his room in the servants’ quarters or the brittle wooden door of the barn, he had spent nights with waiting with a foaling mare. Cas was still breathing hard but he was smiling and Dean thought that this was the most beautiful thing he would ever see. His breath hitched and he shut his eyes for a moment, tears of joy welling up and gliding down over his reddened cheeks.

*

The smile comes over Cas in waves; first a tentative smile, then a genuine, pleased smile that showed off how exhausted but happy he was, and finally, a wide grin of abandon, all thoughts of anything but Dean gone from his mind.

“Dean…”

Cas’ voice is happy, laced with all the emotions flitting through him, as he pulls the other man back down for another kiss, gentle and loving. He wipes away the tears from Dean’s cheeks gently with his thumbs, murmuring gentle ‘I love you’s over and over, then kissing the tear trails away.

“Please don’t cry, Dean..”

A soft frown appears on his face as he watches Dean, eyes searching the emerald green for a hint of why Dean was upset. They had just made love hadn’t they? After too long a time apart, and misunderstandings and dreadful mistakes… everything was put in the past now, and they were finally, gloriously together. But Dean was crying… Did he regret this? The thought sends a shiver of terror and panic through Cas and his eyes widen, bafflement replaced with worry.

“Dean?”

His voice quakes when he speaks, scared of what Dean might say that would end this perfect moment.

*

The gentle caresses only made everything worse and Dean cuddled closer to Cas, his fingers grabbing a hold of his hair, stroking it gently but desperately. It took him a while until the tears finally subsided and his breath became even again.

“I’m s-..sorry.. ‘m okay, Cas… I’m okay…..”

He knew that this had to be very confusing to Castiel and he didn’t want to scare him, hell, that was the last thing he had wanted to do. He pulled back his hands a bit, sliding them from the back of his neck to Castiel’s cheeks, cupping his face gently and pulling him in for a possessive kiss.

“I just.. I guess I’m just a bit overwhelmed… that’s all..”

He opened his eyes, glistening green meeting wide and bright blue and when he managed a small smile, Cas seemed to relax a little more as well. Dean kissed him again and once more, unable to stop pressing their lips together, now that they walked this path, now that they knew that they felt the same way.

“God, Cas… you-.. you have no idea how long I waited for this…”

*

Cas shuddered and closed his eyes, his voice wrecked with emotion when he speaks.

“Perhaps as long as I’ve been waiting Dean…”

He wrapped his arms tightly around the back of his best friend, his lover… his Dean, and squeezed gently, feeling all the solid warmth that confirmed that this was real and not just another dream.

Castiel opened his eyes and looked up into Dean’s, shifting them so they were lying on their sides beside one another.

“…Dean… Do you remember that summer, when we went swimming and it was so hot that we stayed in the water until well after dark?…And then we laid on the grass and counted falling stars… and the fireflies came out?”

He kissed Dean gently, once, twice, slow sweet kisses that were just a press of their lips together, Cas’ own trembling slightly.

“…That was the night I fell in love with you. You took my hand and held it, and I remember thinking ‘I want this forever’.”

He pulled Dean into a tight hug, kissing his forehead, one hand around Dean’s back, the other in Dean’s hair. There’s a press of metal between them, cutting into both of their chests, and Dean realized with a start that he hadn’t even noticed during their rushed sex… but Cas was still wearing the amulet that Dean had given him so long ago. Cas whispered against Dean’s forehead, his voice firm with the knowledge that what he’s saying was the absolute truth.

“I love you. I will never let anything, or anyone, take you from me again.”

*

Dean felt his heart skip a beat at Castiel’s sweet words and for a moment he felt like all the air had been sucked out of his lungs, making it almost impossible for him to breathe. A rush of joy jolted through his body, as he inched closer, his right hand closing around the amulet. Muttered words came over his lips but Cas couldn’t understand them, so Dean leaned back a bit, focussing on Cas, his eyes watering again.

“I just stopped crying…”, he said and felt another rush of joy, as Cas’ lips curled into a smile “..so please… let’s just….. can we just not talk? Just for a moment.. I need to…”

He cleared his throat, holding back the tears as good as he could and biting his lip, before he spoke again.

“I don’t even remember when I fell in love with you, I just… I just know I did and I can’t remember a time when I didn’t love you with all my heart.”

There’s silence for a few seconds, Castiel’s gaze on him, his eyes filled with trust and wonder and endless love. Dean smiles at him, lifting the amulet to his lips and kissing it, then crawling further up and kissing Castiel once more.

*

Castiel wrapped his arms around Dean, and within moments they fell asleep like that, curled around one another. The afternoon went by with neither of them awake at the same time, but whenever one woke up he would simply lie there and stare at the other, awed by how they finally managed to come together. That this was real.

Cas woke Dean up finally, as the sun set, knowing that the rest of the manor would soon be returning from the orchards with a wagon full of firewood for the winter that was so far off for now.

“We should bathe and change… or at least wash up…”

He smiled sheepishly and peeled himself away from Dean, chuckling slightly at the sound of their bodies peeling off of one another, having been stuck together by come and sweat.

“And… I think our clothes are probably unfit to wear in public.”

He looked down at the mound of wrinkled and torn clothing, cursing their impatience for now they would pay for it in buttons that had to be sewn back on, and clothing that would need washing and pressing before Castiel could wear it again.


	10. Chapter 10

Dean woke only with reluctance, clinging to the warm body desperately, until he blinked and finally escaped his drowsiness completely.

“Nnnh~”, was all he could manage for now, stretching extensively and yawning, nudging Castiel’s side, when he chuckled at the adorable sight.

Cas helped him get up, catching him in his arms, when Dean stumbled over his own feet and holding him there for a moment, kissing him gently. Dean insisted on Castiel using the bathtub first and dipped the bath sponge deep into the water, before letting it glide over Castiel’s shoulders and back. The water was lukewarm but not too comfortable, so they didn’t take too long to wash each other, taking turns when Castiel was clean and wrapped into a white bathrobe. It was hard letting go but Dean needed to get down to the servants’ quarters to change and Castiel would need some time to dress up properly, as well. They stopped at the door of Cas’ bed room, Dean wrapping his arms around his lover’s back and tilting his head down, kissing him eagerly, hungrily. Who knew how long he would’ve to wait for this to happen again. He couldn’t bear the thought of being with Cas but not being able to touch him, hold him, couldn’t even begin to imagine how he was able to do that before.

“I will miss you”, he said, when his hand clutched at the doorhandle and he pressed one last kiss to Cas’ lips “I love you.”

And then he turned around, slipping outside and hurrying down the corridor, his torn apart clothes wrapped provisionally around his warm body.

*

Cas leaned against the door and watched as the man he knew he wanted to be with forever walked down the hallway and turned down the stairs and out of sight. He let out a soft gasping laugh and ran his hands over his face, not able to stop the giddy smile that came to his lips.

Dean loved him. Actually loved him, after all that he had done, and said, and been in the time since he came home. Cas in no way deserved Dean’s love, but he would be a damned fool not to accept it and cherish it every day from here until death. So that was what he was going to do.

He would tell his Father, and accept the disowning he knew would come, because Dean mattered more than any false family bond that his Father thought they had.

Dean meant more than anyone in his entire life to him, and Cas wouldn’t let anything come in the way of that again. He was going to have to talk to Anna though…she did not deserve to find this out from anyone else.

Cas dressed in clean clothes and with the help of a crutch made by one of the more talented servants, hobbled his way back down the stairs and into the lounge, just in time to intercept a messenger. The boy had ridden from the nearest large city with a letter that had been sent a month prior from his Father. It was short, and simply read.

Castiel,

Will stay longer in New York than anticipated. Keep the manor functioning. Will return before the frost.

Sincerely,

Mr. Milton

Conflicting emotions ran through him in that moment. Anger, at his Father for so cavalierly handing off the manor to his youngest son, without regard to Castiel’s own plans or ambitions, disdain to a Father who signed a letter to his son as Mr. Milton, though honestly, Cas knew he should be used to it by now. And finally, elation. His Father would be gone for at least another 4 months. 4 months in which there was so much more than could be done around the manor. So much to improve the lives of the people he was already so fond of.

*

Dean didn’t have his room for himself for very long, Sam scuffling inside just half an hour later, hands dirty and covered in cuts but with a happy glow on his exhausted face. He teased his big brother about what he’d missed and how boring it had had to be, staying behind and nursing the sick master. Dean had to force himself to smile and not to indulge in a laughing fit. He usually wasn’t a big fan of destiny and all that nonsense - but if Cas hadn’t sprained his ankle, who knew how long they would’ve danced around each other, how long it had taken until they finally had been alone and overcome their insecurities, to confess their feelings to each other. Dean didn’t talk much that evening, pretending to be tired from taking care of the young master and he was grateful for Sam’s own fatigue. When his younger brother was fast asleep, Dean was still lying awake, green eyes staring at the ceiling, thoughts back with Cas… his Cas…

-

Just like Dean had feared, the next week went by without many opportunities for Cas and him to meet. Since their make-out session they had only kissed once and rushed, when the housemaid had left the living room for a minute to prepare tea and let the family doctor inside. Dean had bent over the couch, pressing his lips to Cas’ forehead, the bridge of his nose and his lips, humming softly at the touch they obviously both had craved for. Too quick there were steps audibly and Dean pulled back, leaving the living room only reluctantly. Another half a week passed and Cas’ ankle was finally healed and he joined the servants’ at their work around the manor. It was a late, sunny afternoon, when Dean entered the kitchen, where Cas was standing next to Ellen, watching intently as she prepared dinner with swift fingers. Dean cleared his throat and both turned around to smile at him.

“Ca-.. Sir, I need to speak with you…..”, he began, standing in the door frame a bit awkwardly.

Before Cas could react, Ellen had put down her kitchen utensils and spun around.

“I need to go cut some herbs”, she announced and without another word left the kitchen.

Dean licked his lips nervously and waited, until they couldn’t hear her anymore. Clearing his throat again he turned to face Castiel.

“Hey..”

He stepped closer, his hand finding Cas’ on the kitchen table and squeezing gently. He knew they didn’t have much time and he didn’t want to make things even more awkward, so he didn’t move in to kiss Cas again.

“I will fix the fence on the west side of the grounds tomorrow… and I was thinking.. I could use some help…?”

*

Cas squeezed Dean’s hand back, feeling an ache in his chest at not being able to see Dean openly just yet. He knew that it was a big risk for both of them, as not everyone would accept their love- some of the servants might up and leave, rather than have a homosexual master. He hadn’t told Anna yet either, but was working up the courage to. He figured that Ellen knew, or had suspicions, with how she smiled at Cas whenever Dean was around, and how her eyes darted from one to the other when they were in the same area, but not near one another, as if she could catch them making eye contact or blowing kisses or some such nonsense.

Cas nodded with a soft smile, tracing a thumb over the back of Dean’s hand.

“I would love to.”

He leaned over and kissed Dean’s cheek quickly, disentangling his hand from Dean’s just as Ellen walked back in, Anna in tow.

“Hello Castiel, Dean… I was wondering… should we consider taking a trip into town now that the weather is fitting?”

Cas turned around and gave Anna a soft smile, the idea sparking something in his mind.

“That is an excellent idea Anna. We will make a trip into town next month for supplies, and I believe this would be a good opportunity for everyone to enjoy the fair…”

There was always a county fair in the summer that ran for two weeks when the weather was warm enough and the fruit was in season. Pies and cakes, sweets and meats were sold, along with bolts of fabric and new electrical devices, and remedies for all kinds of ailments and diseases. There was always an eating and embroidery contest, and dancing for all ages with live music. Anna smiled and practically skipped out of the kitchen, her heart set on designing and sewing a new dress to go into town wearing. Ellen patted Cas’ shoulder and smiled, nodding her agreement to his idea.

*

Dean watched the scene, leaning against the countertop, silently smiling at the siblings’ euphoria. He truly enjoyed the way things had changed during the last months, because a nice trip to the city was something he hadn’t taken part in in years and something he was looking forward to. As much as he wanted to, he couldn’t stay in the same room with Anna for very long nowadays, so he pushed himself off the counter and walked towards the door.

“I will wait for you at the stables tomorrow afternoon, around 4, Sir”, he said and nodded at Castiel, managing a small and innocuous smile, before leaving the kitchen.

-

Work was going well and easy the next day, almost as if everybody took care of making it as pleasant as possible for the head groomer. At 3.45 pm Dean saddled two horses, packing together a bunch of tools and stowing it in his horse’s saddlebag. He saw Cas walking down the narrow path but pretended not to have noticed him, re-tightening the cinch around Diamond’s body, only looking up when he heard footsteps behind him on the gravel.

“Good afternoon”, he greeted him, maintaining the formal attitude out of habit, even though they were alone “..uhm… you ready?”

*

Dean’s solid figure made Cas’ heart skip a beat the moment he saw it, and Cas found that he practically jogged the last few meters into the barn’s shade. He grinned at Dean, his hair wild and mussed from working to help air out the house’s carpets earlier on in the day, beating them with large wire rackets. Cas walked close to Dean, casually brushed fingers over Dean’s as he took the reins for Diamond from him.

“Ready.”

Cas smiled again, then with a step into the stirrup and a soft grunt swung himself up into the saddle gracefully. They left for the far west side of the estate, trotting their horses gently at first, but then something got into Diamond’s head and the horse was off like a shot, cantering and then galloping at a full on run through the trail in the forest, Castiel laughing like a mad man as he hung on for dear life.

The ride was short lived though, for when they exited the forest on the far side and into a clearing, Diamond pulled up and slowed down to a walk, shaking his head as if he were proud of himself. Cas patted the horse’s large neck gently, chuckled to himself and looked over his shoulder to see if Dean had kept up with their wild pace.

*

Dean had followed the two of them in a slightly slower pace, letting Diamond and Cas have fun, while he took care of the tools not getting too jarred. They reached the first part of the broken down fence and descended from their horses, tying the reins to a tree from the close forest. Dean removed the saddles from his horse’s back, carrying them over to the fence and starting to assort the tools, handing Cas a box of nails and a hammer.

Despite the fact that they were finally alone again and Dean felt as if he couldn’t keep a straight mind another second longer, he somehow managed to do just that. They took turns in holding torn off planks and nailing them back on the fence and by the time they finished repairing about 60 feet, the sun was already standing low, casting long shadows over the land.

Dean kneeled down, fumbling inside the bags until he found a flask of water, handing it to Cas and watching him drink with a soft smile on his lips.

“I think that’s enough for today”, he said, when Cas gave the bottle back and lifted it to his own lips, taking a few small gulps.

*

Cas smiled and wiped his mouth of the back of his hand before he reached over his head and pulled the shirt off of him in an easy movement, the loose cotton soaked with sweat. Cas wiped his forehead again with the material then left it draped on his shoulder.

“It is intolerably hot!”

Cas sighed and picked up the tools they were using, depositing them back into the saddlebags in the same manner they had come out in. He thought to himself while he put things away, then spoke in a quiet manner.

“Dean… thank you for your work today. The fence will hold up for many years to come, I am sure.”

He looked over his shoulder and smiled at Dean, before clearing his throat and looking away again, staring off at the horizon where the sun was starting to set.

“…I don’t feel like going back to the manor just yet…”

*

Dean swallowed hard when Castiel pulled his shirt over his head, not able to avert his eyes from the sight of the lean muscled, sweaty body. Memories of their first real kiss, the passionate love making returned and he felt his cheeks flushing. His throat went incredibly dry and when Cas looked back over at him, he felt his heart skip a beat.

“No..”, he said, slowly, stretching the word as if it had at least three syllables “no, we should.. we should stay a little longer…”

His feet almost moved by themselves, crossing the distance between them, until Dean was right to Castiel’s side. He put his hands on the other man’s shoulders, thumbs drawing gentle circles on the naked skin. Then he pressed him down, carefully but determined, making Cas sink to the ground, legs crossed and eyes staring up at him in wonder. Dean watched him from above, taking in his slender frame, then reached up to pull off his own shirt, mirroring Castiel’s moves, before sinking down on top of him, his legs wrapped around Castiel’s hips.

“I missed you”, he whispered, just before his lips met Cas’, kissing him gently, tenderly.

*

Cas wrapped his arms around Dean’s waist, pulled him flush against his sweaty chest.

“Miss you as well, Dean…”

He sighed and pressed their foreheads together, just breathing in unison with Dean for a moment, his hands stroked lazily up and down Dean’s back.

“…..Do you know if the pond is still there? Has it dried up?”

There was mischief in his eyes as he looked up at Dean, a slow grin appearing on his lips. Cas could remember the last time they swam there, and he got a hard on and sheepishly hid it by not coming out of the freezing cold water until it was gone. Being 13 and in love with your best friend and swimming naked together would do that to you.

*

Dean licked his lips, trying to focus on Castiel’s question instead of his groin pressing against his own.

“Uh.. yes.. yeah, it’s still there”, he said, shifting a bit, removing his legs from around Cas waist, resting his knees next to his body instead “You wanna go?”

He smiled at Castiel’s eager nod and bent down to kiss him again, quickly, just a small peck, before leaning back and getting up again, offering his hand to pull Cas back up as well. The pond wasn’t far away, so they left the horses and tools where they were, making their way inside the forest. It was magical around here at this time of day. The sun had already set and the sky was of a dark purple, streaked with oranges and reds, the first stars appearing on the firmament. Dean lead the way, knowing the place like the back of his hand, and soon they reached the small pond. Fireflies were illuminating the pitch black darkness around them and Dean felt more safe and at home than he had his whole life.

His eyes didn’t leave Castiel’s, when his fingers found the other man’s pants, undoing the buttons and sliding them down slowly, touching every inch of newly uncovered, naked skin.

*

Castiel shivered as Dean undressed him, feeling somewhat like a Prince whose servant was treating him with the utmost care. It was endearing, and also saddening at the same time. Dean shouldn’t treat him like this..they should be equals in all things, no matter what Castiel’s station. Cas gently grabbed Dean’s wrists and hauled him back to his feet from where the man had knelt after pushing Cas’ pants down to the ground.

“Dean….I want you-….When we are alone I need you to treat me as you did when we were children…I don’t like this…feeling….I get. I’m not your Master….I’m your friend…and your lover.”

He brushed a hand over Dean’s cheeks, thumbs finding and following the line of Dean’s beautiful cheekbones, sliding up and into his hair to pull gently on the back of his head so Dean’s head was tilted down towards Cas.

“Promise me?”

Castiel’s too blue eyes searched Dean’s green ones, the light just enough from the barely there sun and the rising moon that they could still see one another.

*

He let Cas pull him back up, returning his intense look out of serious, somehow sad eyes. It was no question, of course Dean would do anything to make Cas happy. He nodded his head ‘yes’ and lifted his own hands from where they had rested on Castiel’s hips, up to cup his neck.

“I will try”, he said quietly, breath brushing over Castiel’s cheeks. Leaning their foreheads against each other, they stayed like this for a while, Dean’s hands wandering down over Cas’ shoulderblades, his back and hips to cup his bottom.

“You don’t really want us to go back to how we behaved around each other as children, do you?”, he then said, voice a little lighter, laced with a teasing tone “That would mean cuddling only from now on.”

He chuckled at the shocked snorting sound Castiel made at that and moved closer, face nuzzling against Castiel’s neck.

“On the other hand..”, he whispered, pressing small kisses to the warm skin there and feeling Cas tensing up at the gentle caresses “…I know it is beyond inappropriate but.. I wanted you even when we were kids..”

He pulled back a little, catching Castiel’s gaze out of hooded eyes, making sure that Cas watched him, as his hands found the buttons of his own pants, undoing them slowly, letting the fabric slide down on its own and stepping out of it. He came closer again, pushing Cas back and against one of the surrounding trees, sliding one knee in between his legs and parting them gently, rubbing against the thin fabric of his underwear.

“I wanted to kiss you so many times”, he continued, leaning slightly down to kiss Castiel’s throat, sucking gently but not leaving any marks, then going down further to lick at his collarbone “but I was scared of losing you.. I was afraid of ruining our friendship with.. this….”

*

Castiel’s breath hitched in his throat and a soft moan escaped as Dean slid his leg against Castiel below.

“N…no….You wouldn’t have ruined anything…I….I felt the same…I feel the same..”

He shivered until Dean’s attentions, but captured the man with a hand on either side of his face, bringing him back up to look into his eyes, Castiel’s own half closed. Castiel spoke in a soft voice, almost a whisper, knowing that what he had to say was probably not something most people would admit to.

“I remember the first time I touched myself, and it felt more than just good….my first climax was to a memory of us wrestling, right here, over the sand.”

He bit his lower lip and chuckled, looking down at the growing hardness in his underwear.

“Apparently…the memory affects me still….though I suppose it’s better now that I can think of you like this…”

Cas trailed his hands down Dean’s chest, a shiver racing up his spine at the beautiful muscles that he found there, fingers bumping down each of them like sliding down stairs, one at a time.

*

Hearing Cas talking like this, all low and gravel-like, rumbling words was almost too much for Dean. He felt his fingers sliding down his body and shivered at the soft yet intimate touch, trying to think back to the memory Cas was talking about.

“mmh.. that… that is.. really fascinating”, he managed to say, licking his lips before gripping Cas’ wrist, keeping his hand still where it covered the left side of his chest “..but I think… you and me need to make some new memories… don’t you agree?”

He smiled down into Cas’ face cheekily, leaning forward to capture his lower lip between his teeth, gently nibbling before releasing it and licking the puffy, red spot. He let the magic of his words hang over their heads for a few more seconds, feeling Cas shifting closer, his breath hot on Dean’s skin. He pulled back too quick for Cas to react, chuckling at the look of surprise on his face, before turning around and running towards the pondside and jumping into the water, head first. He dove for a few feet, then coming back to the surface with a gurgling laughter.

“I guess now you got to get me”, he shouted over at Cas’ silhoutte, still standing at the bank, obviously utterly shocked by Dean’s sudden change of mind.

*

Cas stared after Dean, his sudden departure indeed shocking him into stillness. A slow smile broke over his face though after a moment, and Cas chuckled as he padded into the water after Dean, shivering at the cool liquid that lapped at his legs. It felt wonderful though, and soon Cas was swimming out towards Dean, slow strokes of his arms and legs propelling him forward. He was in no hurry, eager only to enjoy these fleeting moments of privacy and intimacy with Dean.

“I was considering something earlier today….would you be willing to rebuild the trellis at the front of the house? I believe it is falling apart…the wood is weak…”

He stops a few feet from Dean and treads water, smiling at Dean with just his head above the water now.

“I believe we should build a trellis that could withstand much more…pressure…exerted upon it.”

*

The water was amazing. Dean’s whole body was trembling from its coldness but instead of craving the moment when he could finally escape the icy floods, Dean treasured it, enjoying the cold prickling on his skin. He leaned back to swim backwards, feet carrying him on as he kept looking at Castiel, smiling gently.

“You planning something?”, he asked, even though knowing very well what Cas was referring to.

His back collided with a fallen tree trunk, bark squashy and wet and Dean made an undignified squeaking sound, that had Cas crooking with laughter. Dean groaned and raised his hand to splash some water into his direction. And suddenly, in this very moment, it really was like back in their childhood. Just Dean and Cas and the muddy old pond, probably filled with slippery frogs and moray eels, slimy twiners and a bunch of other, disgusting stuff. They didn’t care as much about all those things, as they did back when they were still 8 and 9 years old, making jumping competitions into the dark water or dipping each other underneath its surface, just to spit the grimy liquid back at each other. When they both recovered their breath and Cas was once more treading water right in front of him, Dean reached out with one hand, curling it around his lover’s neck and pulling him in, kissing him hungrily, his tongue touching Cas’ and eliciting a small moan from the other man.

*

Cas knew he loved Dean with everything that he had… but if he hadn’t already known, this moment would prove it to him over again. He felt like he was falling in love with Dean every time he saw him, his heart skipping a beat and his chest tight whenever they were apart. Dean pulled feelings out of him that had been repressed and buttoned away, tight under lock and key as they were inappropriate according to every person in an authoritative position in his life thus far… besides Ellen and John and Robert.

Everyone else had taught him that love made one weak, and homosexual love made one a sinner.

How could something that felt so right be wrong though? How could something that made his heart soar and his body tremble be frowned upon by God? Castiel shook himself of the thoughts and wrapped his arms around his lover, bringing them flush together, chest to chest, and kissed him again with a sigh.

“Yes… planning ahead… I do not wish to spend my nights alone any longer… consequences be damned, I need you Dean.”

*

Dean’s mouth went incredibly dry at those words and he was glad that Cas took his silence as an opportunity to kiss him even deeper, tongue dancing fiery with his own. Dean knew how much of a risk their relationship - and referring to it like that, even just in his head, made him feel as if he could fly - was to both of their lives. Castiel’s father was a cruel man and Dean was sure that he wouldn’t tolerate his son being with a servant, on top of that a male servant. But all those thoughts became incredibly unimportant in that moment, when Cas moved closer and urged Dean to swim backwards, until his back hit the pondside and he had firm, yet slick ground under his feet. Dean wrapped his now free arms around Cas’ back, pulling him in and pressing his own body against his lover’s, grinding their groins together and moaning low at the sensations tingling through his whole body. It was remarkable how quickly his body temperature went from close to freezing to almost boiling, the touch of the body of the man he loved so close, his hands everywhere, touching, feeling, caressing. Dean threw back his head, exposing his throat to Castiel, as his hand simultaneously slipped down Cas’ wet body and inside his underwear, gripping his cock and starting to stroke it gently, yet determined.

*

The sudden firm grip around his cock sent a shock of pleasure through Cas, and he cried out, then latched onto Dean’s neck with nibbles and hard sucking, bringing bruises to the skin quickly. Cas wanted Dean to be his, body and soul, wanted to know that everyone else in the world knew Dean was his, and happily so.

It would happen. Cas knew that the life they would lead would not be an easy one, and though it made his stomach sour to think about it, admitting they were together could possibly make his Father disown him, or worse, attempt to harm Dean.

But Castiel refused to hide this forever. He felt no shame now, being like this with his best friend, his lover. The only things he felt was lust, desire and an all consuming burning love for the freckled man.

“Dean…. I want you…”

The words are whispered against Dean’s ear as Cas worked the lobe over with nibbles and bites, teeth gentle as he dragged it into his mouth to suck on it again.

*

Dean shivered at the quiet words, so full of desire that it would scare him wouldn’t he be as lost as Castiel was. A low moan escaped his lips, as he grabs Castiel’s hair, tugging him closer, scratching his nails over his lover’s scalp, as he lets him kiss and suck on his ear and neck.

“You already have me”, he muttered right back, voice stuttering with excitement and eagerness “I’m yours, my love…”

He didn’t precisely know what Cas was asking for but in the end it didn’t matter. Not anymore, not if it was Castiel. He would do anything for Cas, he would let Cas do anything to him, if only it made him happy. Dean knew this made him sound like a faithful servant, bowing down in front of his master but he also knew that this was not what made him think like this. Castiel had asked him to, not knowing that Dean was already giving him what he was begging for. He would sacrifice everything he knew for Castiel, his friend, his lover, who he had to let go and live without for so many years, who he finally had back.

*

Cas struggled to stand up in the murky water, the mud beneath their feet sucked him down with each step. He finally made it out of the mud and onto the sand, having helped Dean as well, and pulled the taller man into his arms for another kiss, gentle this time.

“Please stay with me tonight… I… We will bathe one another and then… tomorrow we will work on the trellis…”

He smiled softly and brushed a leaf off of Dean’s shoulder, his fingers lingered over the freckled skin. Castiel wasn’t sure how to phrase it, so he decided to just blurt it out, and hoped for the best.

“I want you to stay with me.. tonight…. in my bed. I want to make love with you again.”

Cas blushed slightly, shivered in the cool air of the evening. The moon was high in the sky now, giving them enough light to make their way home when they did, but they were certainly late for dinner.


	11. Chapter 11

Dean couldn’t see his lover blush but he didn’t need to, when all he needed to know was audible in his voice, the way his lips trembled and the skin of his hands warmed against Dean’s. He smiled, lifting Castiel’s hand to his lips to kiss his palm and every single finger, slowly, gently. Then he leaned forward, his lips grazing Cas’ earlobe, as he whispered his reply.

“There’s nothing I would rather do.. and nowhere I would rather be, my love……”

They kissed again, Dean feeling light headed and almost as if they were floating mid air, the moonlight carrying them away from this place, somewhere were they could be together always.

They dressed quietly, Dean helping his friend into the shirt and buttoning it back up. The horses were still where they had left them a while ago and after Dean had put the saddlebags back on the back of his horse, they took off, making their way back to the mansion. It was pitch black, when they hurried up the path leading from the stables to the manor and inside the windows there were candles, their soft light guiding the way back home. It wasn’t as hard smuggling Dean into Cas’ bedroom as they had thought but they still leaned against the heavy door, once they were inside, breathing in deep a few times, before quietly chuckling. Dean felt like a kid, like a love-sick teenager, before he realized that this was exactly what he was. He spun around, pressing Cas against the door, pinning his hands above his head and kissing him fiercly.

“Cas… I love you.. Cas”, he breathed in between frantic kisses, pressed everywhere he could reach.

*

Cas shuddered and kissed Dean back, his body arched away from the door with each slow roll of pleasure that flowed through him from Dean’s insistent kisses. Castiel’s breath was soon coming in pants, and the moans that escaped his throat were louder than they should have been, though the only other person on the second floor was his sister, and she was surely asleep, and her room was located at the opposite end of the hallway.

Cas bucks against Dean and manages to spin them around, reaching for Dean’s clothing quickly to divest him of the annoying garments. He needed to see all of Dean, right then, or he felt he might die of hunger, for all he felt was a gnawing low in his belly to touch and taste and take Dean.

They were naked within minutes, despite stopping for more quick deep kisses, and bathe one another in clean water even quicker. Cas tumbled onto the bed, naked, the only light the blue light trickling in through the windows, the mosquito netting having been moved from the windows to the four poster bed. Cas lied back on the sheets, the blankets thrown from the bed in his hurry, and beckoned to Dean where the other man was finishing a quick drying off with a clean piece of linen.

“Dean….”

Dean turns around to see Cas lying back on the bed, wet hair falling over his forehead, cheeks flushed… and one hand languidly stroking himself, his cock hardening as he watches Dean move on the other side of the room.

*

The sight was almost unbearable. Dean had been aroused ever since their literally wet kisses in the pond and it had been a hardship having to wait until they got back and inside Cas’ bedroom. He stood there for a moment, just staring, his eyes following Castiel’s slow movements, his mouth now completely dry. When he moved it almost surprised himself how fast he was, crossing the distance between them and climbing onto the bed, crawling over Cas and spreading his legs, kissing the insides of his calves, further up to lick languid stripes over his thighs. He felt Cas shudder beneath him and smiled, pulling back to lick his lips, just to move back down, hot breath puffing against Castiel’s hand wrapped around his own cock.

“Oh god, Cas”, he whispers, barely able to restrain himself “Cas, you’re gorgeous like this..”

He continues kissing a way up Castiel’s body, stopping to plunge his tongue inside his belly and over the muscles of his stomach and chest. When they kiss, it’s fiery hot and Dean licks deep inside Castiel’s mouth, swallowing his moans like they’re air, like there was no way he could live without them. And maybe there wasn’t, he realized almost in passing. Maybe this feeling of numbness, of desperation whenever they were apart was indeed a sign that Dean would not survive long without him…

*

Cas shivered and wrapped both arms around Dean, thrusting his hips up against the man’s body as they laid pressed together. He moaned against Dean’s lips as the other opened up to him, explored his mouth in slow motions at first that grew more needy and frantic with each delving lick of tongue.

“Dean…”

Cas whined, and squeezed Dean’s ass with both hands, thrusting up against his body.

“I…. I want to be inside you…”

He bit along Dean’s jawline slowly to his neck, then sucked there hard as his hands came back up to wrap around Dean’s lower back. Cas could feel his cock harden even more against Dean’s, throbbing with need already, wanting so badly to possess the beautiful man above him.

With a swift move and accompanying grunt of effort, Cas flipped them and pinned Dean down, arms above his head, and grinded his hips down against Dean’s, the look in his eyes almost wild with want, desire.

*

His heart skipped a beat and his breath got caught in his throat at Castiel’s quiet words, the meaning of them sinking in rather quick and making his whole body tremble with want.

“Yes”, he said, the word coming out as more of a gasp, as Cas grinded against his groin again, holding Dean’s hands in place above his head.

He spread his legs further, letting Cas sink between them and bending his knees, his feet resting on the mattress right next to Cas’ hip. He moved up his lower body, rubbing their growing erections against each other and moaning with each touch, each delightful slide of skin on skin. He closed his eyes, when Cas raised his hand to his lips, licking and sucking on them, and only seconds later he felt them gliding over his belly, his hip, his ass, finally pressing against his entrance.

“Cas, please”, Dean gasped, his hands still loosely held above his head, and shifted underneath his lover “Please… I need you…”

*

Cas nodded slowly and kissed Dean deep, at the same time slowly pressing one finger inside of him. Cas was gentle, making sure to take his time at this, knowing he could hurt Dean if he didn’t.

‘Men are not made for that kind of sex! It is an abomination, and goes against God’s design!’, the matron’s voice came back to him, but he brushed it away quickly with a thought of ‘I love him, how can love be an abomination?’.

Once the finger was fully seated inside Dean, Castiel started sliding it in and out, dragging the tip gently over the inner walls of his lover, watching Dean’s eyes for any sign of pain.

“Tell me if there is pain, Dean…”

A second finger presses in, and Cas hisses softly at how tight Dean is, and presses soothing kisses across Dean’s neck and chest, both fingers sliding in until they couldn’t be pressed anymore.

Cas crooks both fingers and drags them back out, the tips of them brushing over something… different… than the rest. He presses there, eyes flickering back up to Dean’s in curiousity.

*

It didn’t hurt as much as it simply… felt weird… different… Dean knew this, had done this a hundred times to himself, so no… he didn’t feel any pain and once Cas realized this as well and pressed another finger inside of him, Dean let out a quiet sigh that was sheer bliss. He caught Cas’ lips, kissing him hungrily, as he felt his fingers move inside the tightness of his own body, sliding so deliciously in and out, making him feel closer to being whole again. When Cas’ pressed deep inside and bent his fingers, Dean tensed up, his whole body stiffening, his eyes going impossibly white, as he threw his head back and moaned loudly.

“Oh-oohhgooood… Cas”, is all he managed, the words coming over his lips without pause, one long-stretched syllable of lust and satisfaction.

Dean lifted up his hips, needed to be closer, so much closer to Cas, to his fingers, needed it like air. Where a minute ago all his thoughts had been on foreplay, on extending the duration of their first time together, they were now circling around desperate words like ‘want’ and ‘need’ and ‘now’. His body trembled with desire, as he reached down for Cas’ cock, wrapping his hand around it and stroking, gently at first, then picking up pace, groaning at the delicious, slick sounds his hand made around Castiel’s dick.

“C-as.. I can’t… can’t wait..”

His words came stuttering, so incredibly needy and submissive but he was way beyond caring. He wanted Cas. Now.

“Please.. I’m ready, just… I need you inside.. please……”

*

Cas shivered at the undeniable need that came across in Dean’s voice. It only succeeded in making him harder, throb in Dean’s hand. He swallowed thickly and nodded, withdrawing his fingers from inside Dean and stepping away from the bed to pull a small jar from the bedside table. Cas quickly opened the jar and dipped his fingers inside, coating his cock with three quick strokes.

He turned back around and stilled, his breath catching at seeing Dean spread open for him like that. A flush rose in his cheek and he walked back to the bed, closing the netting behind him before climbing back onto the bed and hovering over Dean. Cas quickly spread the leftover sunflower oil over Dean’s entrance and pulled the man closer with an arm hooked under each knee.

“You will tell me if it hurts.”

The statement was not a request from the way Cas said it, staring into Dean’s eyes. He leaned forward and kissed Dean slowly, positioning himself with trembling hands.

“….Dean…”

Cas pushed inside, gasping with wide eyes at the tight feel, silken heat enveloping him and drawing him ever deeper, sliding inch by breath taking inch until he was inside Dean to the hilt.

“Oh… god… Dean…”

*

There was pain now. Of course there was pain. Cas was huge and all Dean had ever used were his own fingers. So yes, it hurt. His face contorted with pain for a few, breathless moments in which Cas sunk inside of him, slowly but steadily, groaning at each millimeter that disappeared into Dean’s tight entrance. Cas’ eyes were closed now and Dean was thankful for that. He didn’t want him to see his face right now, didn’t want him to freak, to pull out, to blame himself for hurting him. Cause it was good as it was. It really was and all Dean needed was this moment, those few seconds his body needed to get used to being filled completely. Finally he relaxed, fingers slowly releasing Castiel’s upper arms, where they had gripped him tight earlier, faint half-moons witnessing the firm press of his nails to the soft, pale skin. Dean bit his lower lip, his eyes slowly opening and looking right into the bright blue orbs of his lover, hovering above him and watching him intently, beads of sweat gliding over his forehead, his cheeks and dripping down on Dean’s naked, shameless body.

“Cas.. oh… Cas”, he breathed and realized that his voice was shaking.

‘No.. don’t cry, Dean, not now of all times!’, he told himself and pressed his eyes shut for a few seconds, then opening them again, a smile spreading over his lips.

“Finally….. you’re here… waited-.. so long for this, Cas..”

*

Castiel returned the smile, and bent down to kiss Dean, moaning gently as he shifted inside him.

“R…ready?”

At Dean’s fervent nod Cas pulled out and then slid back in, slow at first, his body moving with shaking precision, not wanting to rush and ruin this. He wanted their first time to be perfect, for Dean to come crying his name, and to come back to him night after night seeking more of the same.

Cas shuddered at the pleasure sliding like fire through his body, flames licking up his spine as Dean’s body clenches around him with each shallow stroke. Cas picked up the pace though, slamming inside Dean with a little more urgency, breaking a shaking whimper of a gasp from his lips as he held onto Dean’s hips and snapped his own forward, burying himself deep in his lover.

“GOD DEAN, ….yo…you are so …so g-good…a..ah…hot…”

*

Dean couldn’t talk. He was way beyond being able to think straight and instead of a reply there were only incoherent words and sounds falling off his open lips. Cas was pounding inside of him now, making Dean cry out with lust, reaching for the bedhead and grabbing the artfully convulted iron bars tightly, holding on to them as if this was the only way to stay here, to keep him from being catapulted straight into heaven.

“Ca..aaa..aaaas”, he gasped, interrupted by deep moans of himself, every time the older man hit that special spot deep inside his body, that made him see stars and writhe underneath his strong body.

It was beautiful, magical, wild and breathtaking. Dean had no doubt that this was the best thing ever to happen in his whole life and with that thought he let go of the bedhead, grabbing the messy, dark hair of his lover, tugging at thick strands and digging his nails into Castiel’s scalp. He didn’t want it to end, never wanted to let go of Cas again, forever drown in this feeling of absolute bliss, of complete and utter devotion. But he knew that he was close, knew that it would be impossible to withstand pleasure like this for much longer. So when Cas pulled out almost completely, just to thrust back in firmly, hitting that spot again, Dean let go. There was no time to warn Cas, no time to say or do or think anything. And then he was coming, powerfully, mindblowingly, slamming his head back into the pillow, not sure if there was a ringing in his head or if he was actually crying out in mindless delight, bucking against his lover with the desperate need of being close, closer, so much closer.

*

Cas grit his teeth as Dean’s body rose up to meet his, the sound of flesh hitting flesh loud in his bedroom, but Castiel couldn’t muster the energy to care about how loud they were being, his only concern Dean, Dean’s pleasure, Dean’s body rocking beneath him. So the minute that Dean locks up around him and gives a cry that would wake sleeping giants, he wraps a hand around Dean’s cock and strokes him through his orgasm, gratified that the man beneath him gave a second cry, almost breathless, high pitched and keening as the orgasm tripped up inside him and crashed down twice as hard. Cas felt something swell inside him at that moment, and with a low whimper of ‘oh, Dean…’, he slammed into the other man, bringing Dean’s lower body completely off the bed.

Cas pulsed deep inside Dean, his hips trembling as waves of pleasure blinded him to everything, white light and sparks shattering his vision so everything was just streaks of dim colored blue reality and golden flecks of orgasm.

He cries out softly, almost a sob, and collapses over Dean, shaking from the intensity of it all, struggling to hold himself up as he rests his head against the bed. Dean’s skin was burning hot, sticky with sweat, and Castiel found it hard to breathe, his heart was hammering away like a hummingbird’s in his chest, but he couldn’t bring himself to pull away. Every cell in his body told him this is where he belonged, connected in such an intimate way with the man he loved, so Castiel simply brought a hand up to touch Dean’s face, braced himself up over Dean’s chest with the other hand on the bed, and kissed him, desperate kisses that spoke of how much this all meant to him.

“Dean…Dean….”

*

For a few endless, breathless minutes Dean didn’t move or speak. The only sounds in the dark bedroom were heavy breathing and the sound of wet skin against wet skin. When Dean opened his eyes again, Cas was there, still so close, kissing the sweat off his forehead, his brows, his eyelashes, pressing sweet and salty kisses to his lips. Dean’s hands found Cas’ shoulders, sliding up and cupping his neck, thumbs gently stroking the soft skin there, as he just looked up at the man, who was everything and even more to him. His gaze dropped to where they still were connected, Cas buried deep inside Dean’s body and a shiver ran down his spine at that sight. He pulled him down for another passionate kiss, all feverish and yearning and unsaturated, needing more, more. He couldn’t believe it was over, couldn’t believe how he could’ve let that happen, how he could’ve just let go. He clinged to Castiel’s sweat-covered body, kissing him again and again, before pulling back slightly to breathe. His eyes were half lidded, as he looked back up at him, his heart skipping a beat at the beautiful of his lover, all damp hair and flushed cheeks and kiss-swollen lips.

”..perfect”, he finally said, voice hoarse from screaming out his orgasm, its roughness almost reminding of Castiel’s natural intonation “Cas.. it was…. it was perfect… Cas, I-.. I love you, my heart hurts, I love you… so much…….”

*

Cas stared at Dean for a long moment, quiet as he watched the man he loves confess so much to him, pour out his heart. It hurt to hear it all, after waiting for long, not knowing if Dean was even still living at the manor- not knowing if Dean even remembered him.

“Dean…”

Cas kissed him again, gently brushing the hair off Dean’s forehead, sweat making it stand up in spikes.

“….My Father hid my letters to you…didn’t he?…..I wrote to you every time he received a letter…You used to get them from Ellen, remember?….He stopped giving Ellen hers 5 years ago…that’s what she told me….”

He buried his face in Dean’s neck, eyes squeezed tight.

“After he found out about the letters, he told me that Ellen had moved away, that was….4 years ago I believe…and I had no way to get you the letters after that…I’m so sorry if you thought I had stopped writing…or that I had stopped thinking of you.”

He raised his head and cupped Dean’s cheek with one of his hands, eyes glossy with tears.

“I never stopped thinking about you….I thought of you every day while I was there…I missed you every single day Dean.”

*

It hurt seeing Cas like this. Shame and unreasonable guilt written all over his face and Dean leaned forward to kiss the frown from his face. It was true… Dean had stopped receiving letters from Castiel years ago and every time he asked Ellen about it, she brushed him off with an excuse, until he gave up asking her. Until he gave up ever hearing from or seeing his childhood sweetheart ever again. Several minutes passed before he found the strength to speak again, voice soft, barely a whisper.

“It doesn’t matter, Cas”, he says and quickly continues, as he sees disbelief in his lover’s eyes “It’s in the past. You’re here now. With me.”

He raised a hand to gently stroke over Cas’ cheek, wiping away beads of sweat, before leaning down and kissing him, once, twice, soft touches full of affection.

They stayed like this for a while, bodies entwined, Cas’ softening member slowly sliding out of Dean and making him groan absently. When Dean shifted underneath his lover, Cas rolled to the side lazily, giving Dean some space to straighten himself up.

“We need to clean up”, he said quietly, fingers curled into Cas’ damp hair “Come on…”

*

Castiel blushed then nodded before he stood up from the bed slowly, body sticky and stiff from the exertion of their sex.

“Mmm….We will have to take an actual bath tomorrow…”

He stretched and padded quietly over to the standing wash basin to dip a cloth into it. Cas wrung the cloth out, the cool water splashed quietly back into the basin from the cloth in his hands.

“Come here Dean…. I will wash you.”

He smiled and beckoned to Dean with one hand, head tilted to the side. Being able to wash his lover was yet another new experience that Cas had dreamt about, but had yet to actually have the chance to do.

*

Dean shivered as he followed Castiel over to the wash basin and came to a halt only a couple of inches in front of him. A slight blush covered his cheeks, when Cas lifted his hand to stroke the wet cloth over his chest and he instinctively moved closer, pressing against the firm touch. Cas swept the washrag over his trembling body, wiping away sweat and dried semen and Dean had to avert his eyes several times, to stop himself from getting to flustered from the sight. Cas wrung out the cloth and poured more water on it, before sliding it down over Dean’s stomach, his hips and around, forcing Dean to spread his legs to give Cas more space. Wiping the cloth over Dean’s perineum and hole, cum out of his tightness, was both strange and surprisingly erotic, and Dean dug his nails into Cas’ shoulders, biting his lip. Once his lover was done, Dean returned the favor, cleaning Castiel’s slender body carefully and then dropping the cloth into the basin, hands on Castiel’s hips, as he leaned back in to kiss him tenderly. They stumbled back into the bed, Dean propped up against a pile of cushions against the headboard, his arms wrapped around Castiel’s shoulders, his lover’s head resting on his chest, listening to his heart beating steadily. Dean tried his best to stay awake; he wanted to spend every wake minute with the love of his life, didn’t want to miss a single breath he took - but he was exhausted and despite being filled with pure and utter joy, his whole body hurt, his insides roughened and sore from where Cas had been thrusting inside him, again and again. He made a soft sigh, then his eyelids closed. He told himself he wasn’t going to fall asleep, he was just… resting his eyes… listening to Cas breathing…

*

Cas felt Dean fall asleep, but didn’t move from his spot leaning against the man’s chest. He shut his eyes as well and just listened to Dean’s heart, felt the slow rise and fall of his love’s chest as he breathed so calmly in sleep. Dean was warm and they barely needed a sheet, the night air was perfectly cool.

Soon enough, Cas fell asleep as well, head leaning against Dean’s arm, lulled away by the slow rhythm of Dean’s heart in his ear.

~

Morning came on swift wings, and Cas found himself awakened by a knock on his door and Ellen’s voice calling through it.

“Castiel? Breakfast is ready Sir.”

Cas jolted out of bed at that, and struggled over to find clean clothes to wear down, work clothes, but they had to be free of bodily fluids. While his plan was to tell everyone on the manor of Dean and his involvement on this day, he didn’t imagine doing it with semen stained trousers was a brilliant idea.

“Dean….”

Cas whispered in his ear, gently shaking him.

“Dean, wake up…. Breakfast is ready and we must go downstairs….”

*

Dean just groaned when muffled sounds and voices woke him, blinked once, then squeezed his eyes shut again. His back hurt, having slept partly sitting up and so he just slumped down, pulling one of the numerous pillows over his head. He heard Castiel sigh, then chuckle low and then he felt his lips on his shoulder, his arms and hands gripping the pillow, until Dean let go and Castiel could pull the pillow out of his grasp.

“-t I don’t want to”, he mumbled, reaching out his hands to pull Cas down and kiss him, morning breath and post-coital awkwardness forgotten.

They stayed like that for a minute, then Cas pulled back and after a second or two, Dean took the hand he offered him and let him pull him up with him. They kissed again, before Cas turned to walk over to his cupboard, rummaging around for clothes for both him and Dean. The clothes Dean put on in the end were a little bit too tight and too short but there was no other way, Dean couldn’t leave the house naked and his working clothes were soaked with sweat and dirty. When they made their way over to the door, Dean stopped Cas, holding his arm and searching his eyes.

“Do you.. I mean… you really want to do this?”

He could kick himself for asking this, for giving Cas the chance of a doubt, of changing his mind but he couldn’t help himself to wonder if he really was ready for this step.

“It’d be okay, you know… I can.. I could wait here until everyone’s busy and.. leave…”

*

Cas paused, seriously thinking about it, then tilted his head and brushed his thumb over Dean’s cheekbone, their eyes locked on one another.

“No Dean…I won’t keep you a secret. You deserve better than that. You deserve to have the world know that I love you, and that you are precious to me.”

He kissed the tip of Dean’s nose then, smiled again, eyes crinkling at the edges, and then walked out into the hallway, one of his hands intertwining with Dean’s as they went. The walk downstairs was quiet, all the servants either in the kitchen or already outside, but once they got into the dining room, the bustle of people moving about was almost instantly silent, the faint gasps and clink of spoons hitting porridge bowls the only sound.

Anna’s eyes widened as she took in the sight of her younger brother holding hands with her ex-lover, and without one word uttered by anyone, she stood up and left the room.

*

Dean felt horrible. Like the ground was swept away beneath him. Like all the air had been sucked out of his lungs. His legs moved by themselves, making a step into Anna’s direction but stopping when he realized that he was still holding Cas’ hand, even tighter than before. They saw her red hair disappearing through the kitchen door and then there was silence. Nobody dared to say a word and Dean felt worse than he had ever felt before in his whole life. He felt Cas squeezing his hand, reassuringly or frightened, Dean didn’t know and it really didn’t matter, cause it only made him more nervous than he already was. Actually it wasn’t really necessary to say something. It was pretty obvious from the way the two men were standing in the doorway and holding each other’s hands. But Dean knew that they Cas had to do this. They had to do this.

“G-ood morning”, Dean said, his voice a little shaky, as he tried to find a friendly face in all the blank, gaping ones and finding Ellen, standing at the sink with Jo next to her, both looking as well, but Ellen giving them a small, encouraging smile.

*

Castiel cleared his throat and then spoke in a firm but gentle voice.

“I’m sure some of you expected this.. knowing the history that Dean and I share. For those of you that weren’t… and did not see this coming..”

Cas turned his head toward Dean and smiled.

“Then I am sorry that this may come as a bit of a shock…. but I love Dean, and we wish to have a life together…”

Ellen and Jo had both paused what they were doing, and were now paying rapt attention, along with the others in the dining room, servants from the stables and orchards, around the house and other areas of the grounds. The only people that weren’t there that they would have to re-tell this to were Sam and Anna.

“My Father will obviously not approve, and some of you may not approve as well. That is your right, as a free thinking person to have an opinion. I will not tolerate any open hatred, abuse, verbal or otherwise, towards myself, my family, Dean or his family, or this estate. I give you an option now… if you disapprove of this choice I have made for my life partner… the person I love, then you are free to leave. You will be given a severance pay and a ride into town when next we leave, or you may go on foot. This is your one chance, so make your decision to stay and support us, or leave and settle elsewhere with my fond farewell. If you stay, know this. Things will not change. We will continue our work on the mansion and grounds, and when my Father returns I will inform him of my wishes, and take the blame for the changes made in his absence on my own shoulders.”

He paused then, smiled to himself and raised Dean’s hands to his lips, kissing the back of it once before speaking again in an even softer voice.

“I love this estate… it is my home. I wish to make it even greater than it is now… and I have someone who sees my dream and wants to make that come true, by my side. I could not ask for more.”

*

Castiel Milton had always known his way with words. He was a gifted writer and his voice could carry whoever listened to faraway places, make them see foreign lands and hideous creatures as well as beautiful princesses with his vivid imagination. So to Dean it wasn’t a surprise at all that everyone kept staring at him, completely captured by his speech, his soft words of understanding and tolerance. When Ellen moved, Dean actually winced, squeezing back Castiel’s hand. At this point he was literally expecting everything, from servants throwing fruit at them to shouting and beating. What he hadn’t expected was Ellen, stepping over to them, wrapping her arms around Cas and burying her face in his neck. She cried, Dean realized and swallowed hard. He couldn’t hear what she said very clearly but the few whispered words he understood were “finally” and “happy for you” and “proud”. Dean felt his heart swell in his chest, his hand sliding out of Cas’, as Ellen let go of him to turn to Dean, pulling him in a vice-like embrace. Joanna had stepped closer as well, resting one hand on Dean’s arm and looking at him with a small smile. Maybe she had known all along, Dean didn’t know, but she seemed a little taken aback nevertheless and she didn’t hug him. But that was okay.

“I know this.. must be hard for you…. for some of you more than others…”, he said, a bit awkwardly and not even sure what he was trying to say. He just wanted to say something, do something, don’t let Cas do this alone.

“I love him. And I love this place, I love all of you. And I will do everything I can to make this house into a home again.”

*

Cas held onto Ellen tight as well, tears springing to his own eyes as the woman who had acted as his Mother for so many years told him that she was proud of him. He blinked the tears back as she left go to hug Dean, and looked around the room. A few of the faces were shocked, some lingering between shock and disgust, but overall was just a quiet acceptance. This was the way it was, how the younger master of the house had said it would be, and they trusted him.

Cas swallowed thickly around the lump in his throat in realizing this, that the people of the estate had grown to trust him again in such a short time. It made his heart swell with pride to be so loved, and he reached out for Dean’s hand blindly while still looking around the room at all the faces of those that he called friend in private, when no one was looking and deeming it inappropriate.

Dean’s hand easily found his again, and they gravitated toward one another as Ellen wiped her eyes and let out an easy laugh.

“Alright, alright… enough, everyone, back to your business! Castiel, Dean, breakfast my loves?”

*

And thank god for Ellen, cause the moment she finished, it almost seemed to be like it had been before. Dean followed Cas to the table, sitting down on the chair next to his and finally letting go of his hand.


	12. Chapter 12

Breakfast was quiet but that wasn’t unusual. The only sounds filling the kitchen was content chewing and Ellen clattering with cutlery and crockery. It was one of those perfect, sunny days and when they all finished their meals, Cas decided to go have a picnic out in the apple orchards, later that day. The servants started preparing and Dean and Cas left the kitchen, stopping in the main hall, where Dean sank down to sit on the stairway, sighing quietly.

“Thank god it’s over”, he said, looking back up into Cas’ soft smiling face and reached out a hand to pull him down, until Cas was kneeling in front of him and Dean could easily lean forward to kiss him, tender and chaste.

“We should talk to Anna, Cas…”

He pulled back slightly, leaning their foreheads against each other and closed his eyes.

“I don’t want her to think we’re mocking her Cas….. I want her to understand…”

*

Cas leaned in and gave Dean another gentle kiss, then nodded and stood up straight.

“Yes…. and Sam. They both deserve to hear from us what is going on… and in private.”

He held out a hand for Dean and helped him up off the stairs. They took the stairs slowly, each thinking about what they would say to Anna once they reached her room, and Castiel was ready with a small speech by the time they got to the 2nd floor of the manor, only a few feet down the hallway was Anna’s closed door.

“Are you ready Dean? ….We do not have to do-”

Dean squeezed Cas’ hand, signaling that he was indeed ready, and Cas gave a sad smile then walked the few feet to Anna’s door, and knocked twice.

“….Anna? …Can you please open the door? I would like to speak with you….”

His voice is soft, knowing that his sister was hurting from what she would more than likely deem a betrayal.

There was no answer for a moment, then the door opened slowly, Anna’s form already retreating from the opening door back towards her bed.

“Come in Castiel… Dean too… I know he is out there as well.”, Anna’s voice is calm, almost too calm, as if it was just a moment away from a storm.

*

Dean felt horrible. Even more than back down in the kitchen, actually. Cause it was Anna. The woman he had been sleeping with for… hell, almost three years…

He and Cas entered Anna’s bedroom and the feeling of awkwardness only rose, as his gaze fell on her bed, the light nightgown draped over it artfully. He swallowed hard and then stopped, unsure of how far they should go, if Anna even would let them sit down. There was an uncomfortable silence and neither Anna nor Cas seemed to know how to do this, so eventually Dean cleared his throat, taking another step forward into her direction.

“I know this isn’t fair to you, Anna”, he said, his voice calm and soothing, apologetic and guilty “and we don’t ask you to be happy for us… or be on our side in all of this…”

He paused, his eyes not leaving Anna, who was standing with her back turned on them, not even moving while he was speaking.

“… but it would mean very much to me… to us…… if you could maybe, some day… if you could forgive us and… accept us…”

He fell silent again, lowering his head and staring on his feet, taking a deep breath before speaking once more.

“I care about you, Anna… you’ve always been like… like a sister to me and I love you, I really do……. but I’ve loved your brother ever since I first saw him.. it’s just… I couldn’t stop loving him, even if I tried…”

*

Anna’s face was impassive, emotionless as she stood on the other side of the room from Dean and Cas. There wasn’t even a flicker of emotion as she listened to Dean stutter over his words, the speech no where near as eloquent as the way Cas spoke… but somehow much more meaningful.

Once his words were done though, Anna was still for a while, before she spoke up in a quiet voice.

“….Why….. in all this time… why did you not say anything Dean? Of your love for my brother?”

She stared at him, unflinching, hands calm at her sides, no tension in the way she stood or spoke.

Cas’ eyes went wide and he turned to look at Dean, searching Dean’s face for a moment, wondering what the answer as well. Castiel knew only that Dean had said Anna was lonely, and while this was true, it wasn’t the best reason to start a long sexual relationship with someone… or to let someone start one with you. Cas took Dean’s hand though, reassuring him through touch.

*

Dean swallowed heavily, averting his eyes and staring over at the thick curtains that shut out daylight, making the room seem even more gloomy than it already was. He spoke quietly and the Milton siblings could hear how uncomfortable this subject made him feel.

”..he was gone, Anna… I thought he didn’t care about me…… the letters just stopped and I thought… I thought he forgot about me… I didn’t want to suffer more than necessary…… and I didn’t want you to think you didn’t deserve to be loved… cause you do, Anna…..”

He fell silent again, his voice breaking with the last few words. It was true… he loved Anna like a sister and as much as thinking about their sexual relationship hurt him, he knew Anna never intended to punish or torture him with it…

“I know it wasn’t fair towards you.. but I thought…. maybe I would forget about Cas one day… and we could be happy…”

He turned his head, searching for Castiel’s eyes staring back at him calmly and squeezed his hand softly.

*

Anna was quiet for a moment, then nodded and turned her back on them both.

“Please leave.”

Her voice was calm, un-emotional, and Cas gently pulled Dean from the room, knowing that Anna wanted to be alone in that moment, perhaps to mourn the permanent loss of the relationship she had forged between she and Dean.

Once out of the room Cas pulled Dean into a tight hug, whispering into his ear that it was okay, and that Anna would be alright, and forgive them both in time. Cas knew his sister, she wasn’t a heartless human being, she was just… as Dean had known… lonely. Cas had Dean, and Anna had Joanna.. but it wasn’t the same.

Cas smiled at Dean then, and led him back downstairs, outside into the warm sun, so that they could start anew on more projects around the estate.

*

It was late October and the leaves on the trees around the house had already changed into dark oranges and reds. The servants and habitants of Milton Manor alike were still motivated but not as busy as they had been when the young master had first told them about his plan for his home. The mansion looked gorgeous, all deficiencies eliminated and improved. Dean and Castiel had started daily rides into the forest again, packing food and thick blankets into the saddlebags and taking breaks on sun-drenched clearings, cuddling together under the blanket and kissing until their bodies were warm again. Over the months a couple of servants had left the manor. There was no hatred, just incomprehension and fear and Dean understood that. Cas did too. As much as they regretted it, it was what they both had assumed would happen. Telling Sam about them had been… exhausting, to say the very least. It wasn’t like he was angry or disgusted… worse, he was disappointed. Dean thought that maybe he had always guessed that his older brother’s relationship with the youngest Milton son had been somehow… odd… but knowing that they were in a relationship and Dean didn’t tell him sooner, made him avoid Dean for the next week. They made up like they always did, with a rough hug, some back patting and by not talking about the matter again. By the time the harvest was due, Dean felt as happy as he never had before in his life. When Cas finally took Ellen’s advice and arranged a visit to the town’s fair, everyone was thrilled. Sitting on the coach box, one hand on Castiel’s leg, as the older boy held the reins of the horse, Dean felt happy and whole and home.

*

The fair had been a large production this year, as it was every year. The entire county came out for it, hundreds of new people came into town from miles upon miles away, driving carriages and buggies, and the streets were constantly being swept from all the new horses that were riding through on a daily basis.  
  
As the fair only lasted two weeks, Cas had decided to go on the first weekend, when most of the larger events would be held. The eating contest, the dancing, everything that he and the others that lived in the estate had been looking forward to for months now. They brought with them bushels upon bushels of apples to sell at the market, along with dozens of Ellen’s pies, cobblers, and jams.  
  
When the group reached the edge of town, they realized just how big an affair this year’s fair really was. The boarding rooms were booked full, sleeping 3 men to a room, and the saloons were kicking men out after their third drink for fear of rowdy drunkeness. As they rode through town Cas got more and more nervous, seeing people look up at him and nod, only to squint their eyes at seeing Dean’s hand on his knee. After the third look Cas gently moved his knee aside and pushed Dean’s hand off, looking at his lover and gently shaking his head.  
  
“I won’t be the cause of any pain to come to you, or those who have come with us. I love you, but we must be discrete while in town…please.”  
  
He squeezed Dean’s hand with his once, then drove the horses forward to the edge of the fairgrounds, which was located at the fair edge of town in an enormous empty field that was ringed by orchards and forest alike.  
There were snake oil salesmen, religious ‘prophets’, gypsy women, carnival freaks, sellers of baked goods, salted meats, cooking wears, fabrics and ready made clothing, leather goods salesmen, and even men selling electronic devices, brand new from up the coast.  
There were tents for viewing medical curiosities, needle point and quilt works, fine leather saddles, farm equipment, hand made wooden furniture and household items, cosmetic and beauty supplies, and tent upon tent filled with fresh foods and seeds for further harvests.  
  
The main street was lined with enormous pumpkins, covered in straw to keep the dust and mud to a minimum, and had sellers calling their wares every third foot.  
  
“Step right up, see the man with a glass eye!” “Over here my dear, finest leather journals in the state!” “Best pumpkin pies this side of the pond love, that’s a guarantee!” “In need of new shoes gentlemen? We have just your size!”  
  
Cas smiled at Dean as they each carried a bushel of apples to a small tent they had rented for the day, to sell their own wares, Joanna, Anna, Sam, Ellen, Robert, and a handful of other servants and helping hands trailed behind, carrying the rest of their goods for sale.  
  
*  
Dean understood. He really did. But having Cas brush off his hand after only 10 minutes in town still hurt like hell. Dean knew that it was different in town, than it was at home. Castiel had power and people were looking up to him at Milton Manor. In town he was one of many, not that special and surely not powerful enough to do whatever he wanted without having to deal with the consequences. So he understood and pulled back his hand, resting it in his own lap, fingers entwined with those of his other hand. He tried to enjoy the visit, tried not to show how disappointed he really was. Castiel had to manage some things in their tent and Dean took the opportunity to take Sam for a walkabout over the fair. Castiel didn’t notice Dean was gone until he was done in the tent and looking for him. Of course he was confused and disappointed as well and finally agreed joining Anna and Jo. The girls stopped at almost every stand, admiring the craftsmanship and handmade jewelry and soon Cas gave in and bought each of them a simple but beautiful necklace. After half an hour, a gaunt, stooping man crossed their path, offering them spices and herbs. He almost had a heart attack when his eyes fell on Anna and Cas had to chuckle to himself. Anna didn’t seem very interested but for the rest of the day the man by the name Chuck Shurley didn’t leave her side, trying to impress her by buying her flowers and small wooden figures. Finally Cas couldn’t hold back anymore and invited Chuck over to their harvest the next weekend. Once Chuck was gone, having accepted the invitation with dark red cheeks, Anna started protesting but Cas ignored her. He had spotted Dean and Sam leaning against a lamppost, watching a street performer and laughing at the tricks he demonstrated. Cas sneaked up to them, putting his hands on Dean’s shoulders and smiling at him, once he spun around.

“Hello gorgeous”, he said quietly and Dean blushed, despite him telling himself he still was mad at Cas.

The small group walked on soon, returning to their tent by late afternoon to help selling their goods. By the end of the day, Dean wasn’t angry with Cas anymore and felt mostly exhausted and happy.

*

As everyone expected, the apples sold quickly, and the pies even faster. Ellen’s cobbler, jams and pies all won a ribbon in their respective categories at the Baking Contest, and she walked around for the rest of the evening with red, blue and white ribbons hanging around her neck that showed everyone just how amazing her cooking was. Robert held her hand and beamed, and Joanna tagged along after them, eating taffy candy after taffy candy from a bag that Robert had bought her.

Anna eventually gave in to Chuck’s pestering, and as the sun set and the lamps were lit around a clearing that served as a dance floor, they danced to the sound of live music from a band that played sweet tunes for people to waltz or square dance to.

Cas itched to dance with Dean, but knew that it would be seen as immoral and wrong, or at the very least as strange, and he couldn’t afford to be blacklisted in this town if he wanted to keep the manor running. So he settled for waiting until everyone had closed their tents for the night and gone down the main street to the end where the eating contests had been held, circling around the dance floor.

He shooed everyone from the estate off, telling them to enjoy their time, but to meet back at the carriage by 9pm, as they still had to drive back to the manor. They would come back again the next day, with another load of apples, but far less people.

Once everyone was gone Cas shut their tent as well, leaving only a sliver of it open so that moonlight could stream in. The faint strains of violin and cello music could still be heard from inside the tent as Cas took Dean’s hand in his, and wrapped an arm around his waist. He sighed gently and leaned his forehead against Dean’s, murmuring under his breath.

“I know… this isn’t the way it should be. We should be out there, dancing proudly with the other couples…”

He raised his head and smiled gently, a sadness in his eyes that the smile didn’t reach.

“I am proud to love you… never doubt that. I would not put you in danger for my pride, no matter how much it pains me to have to hide my love for you while in public like this…”

They shifted around on the dirt floor, Dean’s slightly rough clothing brushing against Cas’ own finer garments, and Cas inwardly thought that he would have to have some finer things tailored for his lover. Dean deserved at least a few finer things in his life, and Cas was in a position to grant them, even if the man was more likely to ask for a new saddle for the horses, rather than clothing for himself.

Cas clasped Dean’s hand gently, his other hand in the small of Dean’s back pressing them together as they swayed to the rhythm of the music, lost in their own world inside the darkened tent, safe from the prying eyes of the public.

*

Dean felt strange, slowly moving around like this, pressed against his lover but not touching him like he secretly wanted to. Still… it wasn’t bad per se.. Cas looked beautiful like this, the faint moonlight hitting his skin whenever they turned the right way, making his eyes gleam like lapislazuli. Dean shifted closer, squeezing Castiel’s hand and moving his own to stroke over his shoulders gently.

“I know”, he said quietly, licking his lips and looking down into Cas’ eyes “I mean.. I believe that you love me and I know it isn’t easy… I’m not angry with you, just… just disappointed in… in everything….. in the way this world works, in the way we have to treat each other in public just because people wouldn’t approve. I hate that we have to hide, when all I really want to do is hold your hand and kiss you whenever you need it and whenever I want it.”

He fell silent again, clearing his throat and silently thanking God for the darkness that hid the blush on his cheeks perfectly. The music outside slowly faded away until it stopped completely, cheering noises from the audience replacing it. The next song started and the rhythm was slightly faster and Dean suddenly felt much more lightheaded and smiled, changing their positions until he was leading them, spinning Cas around and grinning at the surprised expression on his face. He whirled the other man around a few times, before taking a step forwards, holding Cas, as he leaned the other man backwards, until he was hanging mid-air, staring up at him with wide eyes.

“You wouldn’t think that Ellen knows how to dance like this, would you?”

*

When Dean switched their positions and started leading them in the dance, Cas moved naturally to follow; he found that it was fluid how the dominance shifted between them, like sands in an hour glass. A smile broke over his face when Dean dipped him backwards, and he clung to Dean as the man held him up.

“Ellen?! She taught you to dance like this?”

Dean brought Cas back up and grinned in answer, and Cas couldn’t help but laugh.

“I believe I will have to ask for a performance, another time…”

Cas smiled and shifted closer to Dean, pressing him backward step by step until his back hit a barrel and he was stuck between the two. He smiled again, eyelids fluttering down as Cas looked down the length of Dean’s body, admiring the hardened flesh beneath the clothes, the tunic loose enough to leave much to the imagination.

Cas’ imagination had him pulling Dean close and ravaging his mouth, so he succumbed to what it suggested, and pulled Dean in for a heated kiss, lips and tongue working against Dean’s own.

“Dean… stay with me again tonight…”

*

Letting Cas press him backwards until he half lay on the barrel, Dean took his time to answer Castiel’s request, kissing back passionately, their tongues meeting time and time again, until they both needed to pull back for air. He licked his lips and smiled up at Castiel, heart pounding in his chest.

“Of course my love, anything”, he whispered and pulled Cas back down to kiss him again, more slowly and gently this time.

Then he snaked his way out of Cas’ embrace, grinning slyly as he walked over to the tent opening.

“But you will have to wait until we get home”, he added, winking at the other man, before holding out a hand towards him and pulling him out on the street. They made their way down the street to join the rest of their group around the dance floor and Dean asked Joanna to dance, just as Anna pulled her big brother on the dance floor. The rest of the evening was spend cheerily and lighthearted and when they returned to the coaches, they were almost too tired to hold the reigns steadily. Dean and Cas took a seat in the back this time, letting one of the servants lead their horses back home and soon Castiel’s head slid to the side, to come to rest on Dean’s shoulder. He didn’t wake his lover, until they arrived at Milton Manor, moving carefully to prop the other man up on his arms. Cas groaned slightly but didn’t wake, even as Dean carried him inside and up the stairs, putting him down gently on his own bed.

Leaning over Castiel’s body, he started to slowly undress him, admiring the ravishing beauty of his lover. When he reached his pants, he had to swallow down the lump in his throat. The sight of Castiel, naked and peacefully asleep, was both breathtakingly beautiful and disturbing, as Dean found himself more than a little aroused by the image of Castiel beneath him, all helpless and submissive and at his mercy.

*

Cas stretched slightly as Dean pulled the last piece of clothing off of him, leaving his pale skin bare to the warm summer air. A shiver ran up his spine, setting off a wave of goosebumps from head to toe, his skin prickling and reacting in the moonlight, until Dean could see as each patch of skin reacted and then settled back down.

Cas murmured in his sleep, a soft sound that sounded remarkably like Dean’s name. Dean dropped the last piece of clothing on the floor and then climbed up onto the bed, still fully dressed himself, and gave his lover a soft kiss. Cas’ body immediately reacted, shifting towards the warmth and pressure, and seconds later his eyes slowly opened.

“Dean…”, Cas croaked, his voice hoarse from a day of talking and laughing, singing and yelling. The smile that broke over his face is slow and genuine, taking in Dean’s beautiful freckled face and green eyes, the way the moonlight glinted off of strands of his hair, setting them alit with coppery gold color.

“…We are home?”

He shifted up onto his elbows, looked around his bedroom, and then down at his body. His completely nude body. Cas flushed, pink against snow white skin and looked up at Dean again.

“And… I am naked…”

*

Suddenly startled awake by Castiel’s quiet voice, Dean blinked down at his lover’s sleepy face.

“Yeah, we’re home”, he said, his voice oddly hoarse.

His eyes travelled down Castiel’s body, over his collarbone, chest and stomach, only to dart back up to return his slightly confused look.

“And you’re.. I… you were asleep and you couldn’t sleep in your clothes so I.. undressed you…”

He didn’t knew why but this situation really confused him. There was no logical reason for him being this shy and reserved, they had had sex before and it wasn’t like there was any part of their bodies, the other didn’t know. But having Cas pinned down like this woke all new fantasies inside Dean and he had to restrain himself almost brutally not to act them out.

“I should… I’m going to get you your pajamas….”, he finally said, sitting back and getting ready to slide off the bed, to get said clothes.

*

Cas quickly reached out and grabbed Dean’s wrist, tugging gently.

“Dean…don’t…”

He pulled the man back onto the bed, eyes on Dean’s.

“…What is the point of clothing? I would much rather be without when we are alone…”

Cas smiled, and there was the tiniest hint of playfulness, of teasing, there in the gentle up curve of his lips. He pulled Dean down across his body, one hand coming up to cup Dean’s cheek, the other wrapped around the back of his neck.

“I consider you over dressed for this moment…”

He smirked, and then kissed Dean, slow and languid, his body rolled towards his lover’s in a fluid motion, hips slotting against Dean’s in the most natural fashion. The warm summer night made the air the perfect temperature to fall asleep in the nude, with only a thin sheet to cover oneself… pajamas were a moot point.

*

Dean went with Cas’ movements, letting him pull him back down and into another loving kiss. Of course there was not a real need for pajamas… Dean’s breathing steadied as they kept kissing and let Cas slowly start to undress him, fingers slipping beneath the hem of his shirt and tugging, buttons popping open one by one, until the piece of fabric hung loosely around Dean’s torso. Still on top of his lover, Dean pushed one of his knees forward and between Cas’ legs, spreading them slightly and rubbing against his growing erection.

“God Cas..”, he breathed hotly against Cas’ neck, licking and sucking on a spot, until his lover made soft, mewling sounds.

Smiling to himself, Dean bit down gently on the reddened flesh, making Cas dig his nails into his shoulders and pulling him closer.

“Wanna hear you, Cas… please, don’t hold back…”

His hand snaked down Cas’ body, paying not much attention to his upper body and going straight to his groin, wrapping around his cock and starting to stroke.

*

Cas’ hips arched up into Dean’s touch, automatically searching for more friction, wanting more of what Dean could give. His eyes slip closed as Dean’s mouth moves on his neck, biting and licking the flesh there, each nip of teeth sending shivers down Castiel’s body to his groin.

He gasped when Dean wrapped his hand around his cock, growing harder with each slow stroke of his lover’s hand.

“D-…Dean….ah…”

He babbled incoherently for a moment, just a mixture of soft gasps and shivers, head lolling back on the bed and hands coming up to muffle the soft sounds that want to come out, knowing he really shouldn’t be loud, but unable to help it. Cas’ hands fall away however, when he remembers swiftly that Dean had said he wanted to hear him.

He sat back up on his elbows and watched as Dean’s calloused fingers worked over his flesh, pumping him to fullness.

“Feels…so good, Dean….you..your hand…please..f-faster…”

*

“Anything, love..”

Dean didn’t even try to slow things down, to delay things. He closed his fingers tighter around Castiel’s erection and started pumping up and down faster, squeezing every now and then and swiping his thumb over the pre-come already coating the tip.

“You look perfect… god, you looked perfect all day.. I wanted you ever since we left this morning…..”

The lump in his throat was gone, leaving it rough and hoarse, when he was speaking and making his voice almost as gravel-like as Castiel’s. Feeling Cas watching him working him, made him feel all excited and aroused, instead of ashamed and flustered.

“I need to see you come, love…”

*

Dean’s attentions to him, the hand working him over and the eyes trailing over his entire body, it all made Castiel feels like some sort of crown jewel, fit for a prince. And he supposed Dean was one, even if he was born to a lower class family and mucked stables when he was child instead of riding show ponies. And even now, he still worked for a living instead of ordering people about like Cas did.

But there was something in the way Dean held himself, straight back and head up, every where he went, that just sung of royalty to Cas. It also helped that Dean was truly beautiful, plush lips and straight nose, longer eyelashes than Cas had ever seen on a woman.

These thoughts ran through his head as Cas watched Dean watching him, and it came as a swift surprise when he realized he was about to come, without hardly any time to warn Dean.

“Oh God, Dean…..Yes, yes, yess…”

His hips bucked up into Dean’s fist a handful of times and then his stomach clenched hard, thighs quaking as the orgasm rushed over Cas in waves, eyes rolling back in his head as a soft gasping cry of ‘Dean!’ escaped his lips.

*

Smiling, Dean pulled back his hand, stroking it over Castiel’s stomach absentmindedly, before sliding down on Cas’ body to wipe him clean with his own shirt, before tossing it away. Crawling back up, he cupped Castiel’s cheeks and kissed him, soft and soothing, knowing that he was still coming down from his high.

“That was… beautiful”, he whispered in between kisses, smiling against Castiel’s lips and stroking his thumbs over his cheeks over and over.

Finally he let himself sink down on the mattress next to his lover, throwing one arm over his still trembling body and holding him, while he was just concentrating on breathing and kissing him back alternately. When he opened eyes, they were glassy and for a moment Dean was worried if he was crying and if Dean had done something wrong, but then he kissed him again and smiled back and Dean forgot all his doubts. Lying here with Cas after a fun day outside, spending time with him and Dean’s family and colleagues had been close to perfect and right now Dean was absolutely happy and satisfied. Cas was limp in his arms and when Dean softly stroked his cheek, his eyelids only fluttered lazily.

“Sleep?”, he whispered against the warm skin of his neck, moving up to gently nibble on his earlobe, chuckling at the half interested, half tired groan Cas made “Sleep it is. Good night my love, sweet dreams…”

He leaned back, resting his head on the pillow next to Cas’ and using his free hand to fumble for the thin sheet, pulling it only over their legs, before snuggling close to his lover. Cas fell asleep in no time and Dean spent the rest of his waking time with watching him sleep, listening to him breathing, and thanking God for having him.


	13. Chapter 13

The next day at the fair went much the same as the first, with more bushels of apples sold, dancing and baked good tasting.  
Cas came back early from the second day with bolts of cloth for Ellen to transform into new clothing for everyone, new pots and pans for the cooking staff, a new saddle for Dean’s use, and Chuck Shurley, much to Anna’s surprise.

They spent the late afternoon collecting apples in the orchards, Chuck following Anna around with a basket to collect the apples she dropped from the trees. He politely averted his eyes when she was up on a ladder, not wanting to appear that he was looking up her skirts, though the occasional glance of her delicate ankles and calves sent a thrill through him. Cas caused the only accident that day, by falling from the ladder he was perched upon, but luckily Dean caught him, and the two tumbled down onto the grass. Cas ended up on top of Dean, the breath shot from both of their lungs, but before a moment had passed they had both sucked it back in and were laughing, which led to their very first public kiss. Ellen chuckled while Joanna shrieked and giggled, shouting ‘how very inappropriate!’ before Robert gently swatted her rear, laughing as well. Anna smiled gently, unable to deny how happy her dear brother was any longer, and how much more Dean shone while with him than he ever had with her. Chuck, strangely enough, was neither bothered nor surprised by their display.

The dinner that night was held outside under lamp light, in the screened in back porch, where thankfully no mosquitos got in. They had cornbread and apple cobbler, twice baked potatoes with fresh full milk fat butter from a neighbor, applesauce and porkchops, and finally a peach pie that was brought back from the fair as well. Everyone sat around afterwards telling stories, and finally it came to be Cas’ turn.

“Tell us a story about England Cas, what’s it like over there?”

Cas stiffened slightly, but Dean’s warm hand on his back reassured him, and Cas launched into a story about England, and his time there. He wove a tale about the ship ride over, and how Cas never wanted to travel by sea ever again, as he couldn’t keep anything down for more than an hour or two. ‘Breakfast, lunch and dinner were all wasted on me, as soon as I had it down, I was tasting it again. Hard tack and porridge are disgusting enough going down… the second time around, even more so!’, and the entire group laughed while Anna and Joanna and Ellen all cringed and made faces.

He told them about the gas lamps that line the streets, glowing a soft yellow and blue flame at night. The cobblestone streets were well enough tended, and there was never a time you couldn’t go from one place to another, even in winter, for fear of mud. His teachers had all been kind enough, but the matrons of the house were cruel, and he quickly glossed over the fact that he had been abused numerous times while he was there. Anna paled slightly in hearing this, and Chuck placed his hand on hers, leaving her flushed instead.

The story wound around his few friendships, the trips around London seeing the Palace of Westminster from afar, walking along the River Thames, and being more afraid of the police than he was of the criminals walking the streets.

“All said and done… I am much happier here at home, with my family, than I ever was in England. I do not believe I shall be wanting to return any time soon.”

He took Dean’s hand in his and threaded their fingers together, a smile adorning his face.

*

As all the others around the table had leant back and listened to Castiel talking, Dean had been the only one apart from his lover, who hadn’t had the luxury of enjoying the story. They had never really talked about Cas’ time in England but from what Dean gathered - and it wasn’t that hard to deduce, really - the teachers and matrons of the boarding school had been responsible for Castiel’s abrupt and significant change, for him treating Dean and his servants like mud, like scum. Dean swallowed heavily and forced a smile on his lips, squeezing back Castiel’s hand reassuringly.

The dinner went by peacefully and both Cas and Dean calmed down eventually. By the time all their plates were empty and fireflies were buzzing over the table, Ellen and Jo jumped up off their chairs, beginning to clear away the dishes and tableware, carrying them inside the house. They all helped with doing the washing up and when the men headed to the lounge to have a few drinks before bed, the women excused themselves. Cas was sitting in one of the armchairs and Dean let himself sink down across on his lap, snagging away his glass and taking a sip of the bitter beverage. Robert, leaning against the fireplace, only rolled his eyes and downed his drink, engaging Chuck - who seemed to be a bit uncomfortable, now that Anna wasn’t there anymore - in a conversation. Dean smiled and cuddled closer, wrapping his arms around Cas’ neck and kissing his ear.

“I’m glad you came back to us”, he said quietly, leaning his forehead against Cas’ temple and breathing in his musky scent “Please don’t ever leave me again.”

*

Cas chuckled and squeezed Dean around the waist before standing up and helping Dean to his feet as well.

“I believe we are going to retire as well gentlemen… I bid you both good evening… Mr. Shurley? Please ask after Ellen to prepare you a room for the night, you shall stay with us and borrow a horse to return to town in the morning.”

Chuck nodded, eyes wide at the hospitality, and Cas led Dean from the room by his hand.

Once outside of the drawing room Cas wrapped his fingers around Dean’s and brought his hand up for a gentle kiss to the back of it, looking over fingertips into Dean’s eyes.

“Thank you, for today… for everything. I did not ever dare to hope that I would get to have this… have you..”

Cas pressed Dean against the wooden paneling in the hallway, leaned in and slowly kissed him, a shuddering sigh escaped his lips when they parted.

“You are perfection, Dean Winchester.”

*

Surprised by the sudden movement, Dean had no chance to react and leaned into the kiss for now. When Cas pulled back slightly, there was a smile on his lips and Dean felt his face flush at the praise from his lovers mouth.

“Oh come on”, he then said in a desperate attempt to cover up how touched he was “I’m not  _that_  interesting…”

But knowing Cas, Dean would bet everything he would disagree and list everything he loved about Dean in the next twenty minutes, so he wrapped his hands around Cas’ neck, pulling him back in for another kiss, interrupting anything the other man had or had not wanted to say.

“You’re not so bad yourself, by the way”, he smiled when their lips parted for a moment to take a breath.

Their eyes met then and suddenly all the lightness and playfulness was gone “And I still can’t believe you chose me…..”

*

“…Well… you have the rest of your life to let that sink in…”

He smirked then, and took Dean’s hand and led his lover outside and down to the path that led through the woods, contented just to be with Dean in that moment, walking outside among the crickets and fireflies that flit down the path ahead of them.

“…My Father should be returning within the month…”

He sighed and looked up at Dean, the dappled moonlight making Dean’s skin glow slightly, and his breath caught.

“…I won’t lose you again Dean.”

*

Following Cas down the path, Dean couldn’t avert his eyes from the man beside him. His quiet words were partly concerned, partly determined and Dean believed him. Cas would let nothing come between the two of them again, not even his father. Even if they both were not entirely sure how they could possibly break the news to Master Milton.

“It’s not going to be easy, you know?”, he said, choosing his words carefully to not worry Cas more than necessary “He never approved of our friendship… I doubt he is going to be delighted that his dear son is seeing a man.. someone like me…..”

He fell silent, squeezing Cas’ hand gently and looking back into his thoughtful eyes.

“So.. I just want you to know…. whatever you decide to do: I am on your side and I will do whatever you want me to to make this work. I love you, Cas, so much.”

He stepped closer, bringing Castiel’s hand to rest against Dean’s chest and leaning down slightly to press his lips against the other man’s forehead.

*

Cas hummed, happy with Dean so close to him. He sighed heavily and wrapped his arms around Dean’s shoulders, burying his face into Dean’s neck and breathing in deep.

Fresh grass, sweat and the scent of apples overwhelmed him, and Cas found that this scent was home to him, and he knew right then that nothing else could ever be right to him, not like Dean was.

“I love you as well Dean… We will think of something..”

He let go of Dean gently and continued their walk through the forest, hands clasped loosely together as they laughed together, remembering times as children traipsing through the tall grasses of the meadows nearby, shimmying up trees to pick walnuts, and plucking briars and stickers out of each other’s hair after a particularly rough wrestling session.

The night ended with Dean pressed against a tree as Cas knelt before him, bringing Dean to a climax with his mouth, his hands pressing against Dean’s hips, thumbs slotted in the tiny hollows near his hips. Dean’s cry of Cas’ name in the silence of the night was more than enough to bring Cas to his own climax, eyes shutting and hips stuttering as he swallowed Dean down and blushed in realization of the mess he’d made. They swam again in the pond, the last swim of the summer, and retreated silently to Cas’ bedroom, where they washed each other of the dirt from their walk back.

*

During the next few weeks, Chuck came by the estate almost daily, courting Anna until she had no other choice but to let him. They spent the last sunny days of Summer on the meadows of the hill, picknicking and playing cards, enjoying the warmth and coziness. Charles Milton had sent a messenger and announced his return for this coming weekend. There was an unusual, omnipresent buzzing now that the return date was settled and Dean knew that nobody looked forward to seeing their master again. It was the worst for Castiel. Dean knew that he tried his best to stay calm, focused and dignified but he felt him tremble, whenever they were alone, his breath coming unsteadily and his face being a little paler than usual. The manor looked great, everything was clean and fixed and beautiful and even though Dean didn’t know how anyone could deny the progress that had been made around here, he still feared for the reaction of the master. Nobody could be sure of his approval of the changes and everybody was afraid of the consequences that would probably follow. Saturday came and went by eventful and the tension only built up, until on Sunday morning there were hoofbeats audible on the gravel outside. The servants prepared to welcome the master in the entrance hall, some of them hurrying outside to help carrying his luggage. When Charles Milton entered his house, Dean barely recognized him. His face was pale and scraggy, his beard longer than before and the hair on his head almost completely fallen out. He reminded him more of a skeleton than an actually person. Dean averted his eyes, staring on the ground and nodding at the master, just as a second pair of legs appeared in his vision. The woman accompanying Master Milton was tall, blonde and if it weren’t for her cold, heartless eyes, directed straight at the Milton children, she would have seemed rather pretty. Dean looked over at Cas, who seemed to be just as dumbfounded as the rest of them, when his father announced the woman as his new wife, Lilith.

*

Anna and Castiel stood with their backs absolutely straight, in their Sunday best, to await their Father’s scrutiny. Master Milton did little more than nod in their direction, and wheeze that they should follow him to his study, where he would inquire about the state of affairs in the manor.

“And my darling wife Lilith will take over instruction of the staff, as she has requested…”

Anna and Castiel followed their Father into the study, Cas looking back over his shoulder with wide eyes, apprehensive about leaving the staff with this new woman. There was little he could do in the moment however, and the moment the study door was shut, the atmosphere shifted from tense to terrifying.

Lilith’s voice was silky and sweet, almost too dainty for the words that she chose with such care it would seem she plucked them out of a jar and strung them together to make sure that they had the most impact.

“Good afternoon. My name is Lilith Milton… which means I am, as of the moment I married your Master, your new Mistress. You will address me as Mistress, or Mistress Milton only. You will  _never_  speak out of turn, nor will you  _ever_ touch myself or my belongings, unless requested of you. You-“

She pointed a thin finger at Dean, eyes squinted as she took in his rough clothing and strong shoulders.

“What are you duties here, boy?”

*

Dean felt his brother and Joanna stiffen next to him, as their new Mistress spoke to him directly. He lifted his head a bit, looking back into her cold eyes for a moment, before lowering them again.

“My name is Dean Winchester, Mistress Milton. I am the head groomer, in charge of taking care of the stables and horses of Milton Manor.”

He fell silent again, licking his lips tentatively, still staring straight on the ground below him. The Mistress didn’t say anything else for a while and even when she started pacing along the line of servants, leaving her place directly in front of Dean, the oldest Winchester did not dare to move. But as intimidating Lilith Milton was, Dean was terrified the most by the thought of Castiel and Anna, alone with their father. It was awfully quiet, not a sound coming from inside and all Dean could do was hoping and praying for Castiel’s safety. They had known that it would be hard, Castiel had been prepared for facing his father, confronting him about how rundown the manor had become in the last few years and how Castiel had taken manners into his own hands and improved everything around the estate. But still, Dean was sure that talking about it and actually doing it were two different things. He just wished he could be with him, hold his hand or maybe just stand beside him, letting him know that he was there. But all he could do was stand here, listening to the sharp clattering of Lilith’s heels on the floor, as she eyed every single servant carefully and with disdainful eyes.

*

Lilith wrinkled her nose in disgust.

“I did not ask your name…”

She went through each servant like this, asking only duties, not names, ages, or relationships. When Ellen and Robert held hands, as Ellen was shaking with a bit of anger at being treated like this, Lilith snapped that there would be no public displays of affection in this household, not any longer.

“No one will show any displays of affection in public. It is forbidden, as it is filthy and vile to show such open wantonness in public.”

She almost snarled as she said it, glaring daggers at Ellen until she dropped her husband’s hand.

Castiel and Anna stood in front of their Father as the old man hobbled behind his desk, sitting down, back curved over and eyes drooping.

“Castiel…tell me what you have done in my absence.”

Cas quickly went down a list of the improvements to the manor, keeping things to the physical, instead of the emotional, as he knew that the state of the servant’s happiness was something that his Father couldn’t care less about. As long as they were doing their jobs, Master Milton was not to be bothered by whether a servant was living happily, or drudging through their days.

He nodded silently at each point Castiel made, and then cleared his throat with a hacking cough once Cas was done.

“Very good.” Cas and Anna stiffened at the praise, and darted eyes at each other, flickering an unspoken ‘what was that?’ between them.

“Castiel…you have proven to not be as useless as I once thought you to be….you have permission to stay here and continue on, if you wish. You may also leave and pursue a career of your own choosing…I have married Lilith as….I wanted someone who would have a firm hand look after the manor. You are far too soft, too kind-“ he says the word kind like it’s a filthy thing, hating the taste of it in his mouth.

“-and Lilith will be able to run things after I am gone….My health is rapidly deteriorating…The doctors in New York have informed me that I have less than a year to live.”

Castiel shifts from one foot to another, obviously wanting to say something, and his Father actually raises a hand and croaks ‘speak, boy’.

“…Father…if you are…god forbid, to die, in the next year…the manor and its grounds will go to Lilith? Is this what you are telling us?”

Anna’s jaw drops as their Father nods slowly.

“Yes.”

“But-…Father, she…she is a stranger to us, to the servants…how are….This is my home, I would be happy to remain here, and continue the work I have start-“

“Castiel.” His voice is stern even with the hoarse scratch to it, and Cas instantly shuts his mouth.

“This is my will. Lilith will inherit the manor, and you and your brothers will get portions of the money that is saved in the bank in town. You will do with it what you will. I do not trust any of the three of you to be able to keep the estate going. Lilith has shown me more loyalty and respect in the past months than the three of you combined in your entire lives.”

By the end of his tirade the Master is practically spitting his words, coughing up spittle that sprays onto the desk, Anna cringing back with each hack from his throat.

“That is all there is to it. There will be no more arguing. If you are to stay here, you will abide by the rules she sets forth. Otherwise you may pack your things and leave, and never come back.”


	14. Chapter 14

In hindsight Dean should’ve known. They all should’ve known it, the moment Lilith Milton stepped inside the house, scrutinizing each and everyone of them with utter condescension. That first day was only the beginning of many more. Mistress Lilith was just as cruel and unforgiving, as she had seemed from the very first moment and with all the power over the manor and its habitants, she was the cause and content of everyone’s nightmares. They worked harder than ever these days, slaving away in the autumn winds, wearing too thin clothing and carrying too heavy weights. Even Joanna and Sam were forced to to heavy lifting, work that wasn’t at all appropriate for their age and physique. At first Dean felt confusion, incomprehension and anger - but when he saw the look on Lilith’s face, as she watched the teenagers working, sweating and heavy breathing, saw the spark in her eyes, the glinting satisfaction, he started to hate her. Lilith enjoyed herself. She was torturing them day by day, demanding their best work for the least payment and close to zero breaks and Dean knew they wouldn’t last long. One of the stable boys collapsed, close to Christmas Eve. Lilith refused to call a doctor and even after days in Ellen’s care, the young man succumbed and passed away. There was no time to mourn him, though, as neither Lilith nor the Master cared and left the rest of the servants no choice but keep working. When Dean saw Sammy silently crying, he hurriered over as unsuspicious as possible and tried calmed him down. Lilith did not permit weakness. She detested it with the same burning passion, as she loathed affection, love. Dean hadn’t been with Cas for almost two months now and on Christmas morning, he wasn’t even allowed inside the house, so all he could do was stand below Castiel’s window, waiting for him to maybe show up. All he wanted was to see him, talk to him, if only for a minute.

*

For Christmas Lilith demanded to be taken into town to go to a fancy dinner at the only restaurant in the town that wasn’t actually a saloon with a kitchen attached. She and Master Milton left early in the morning, and stated they wouldn’t be home until the next afternoon.  
An hour after the sleigh was gone done the road and around the bend, Cas and Anna opened the doors of the manor, and together called to everyone to come inside, as they had a surprise.

Once inside, it was obvious from the smell of cider and pumpkin pies and apple pies and ham on the air that Anna and Cas and Ellen had made a Christmas feast. With everyone on the estates gathered around the large dining table, laden with food and decorations of holly bundles and fragrant cinnamon sticks and mistletoe, Cas stood at the head of the table and cleared his throat.

“…I know these past two months haven’t been the best-”

“Castiel, you can be open here, no one in this room is going to speak to either our Father or that dreadful witch Lilith.”, Anna sighed, rolling her eyes and crossing her arms. Ellen gasped, and Joanna giggled.

Cas took a deep breath and then placed his hands flat on the dining table, leaning forward on them.

“….The past two months have been hell on Earth for all of you…and it is unfair to have gone from the family that we had when my Father was absent…to this prison that Lilith intends to keep the estate at…….I cannot control either of them…but I can offer you a Christmas dinner the likes of which I had wanted before he came back with her…”

Cas stood back up and looked around the room, slowly, from face to face as he spoke. His eyes landed on Dean and he smiled, beckoning to his lover to come stand beside him.

“We will celebrate as I had wanted…and we will clean up all evidence before they return, so that no one in this room will suffer from Lilith’s cruelty and vast hatred for all things righteous and kind and familial.”

He cleared his throat once and spoke in voice that commanded attention without being threatening or loud.

“You are all my family. And no matter what my father plans…I will not leave you in the clutches of that woman.”

*

Dean took Castiel’s hand shyly, once standing next to him and held it in his until his lover finished. The silence that followed was uncomfortable, to say the very least and Dean licked his lips nervously. He wasn’t used to this, nobody of them was. They had spent such a long time living in peace and without waking up every morning just to fear the day, that this new situation the past few months had throw them back more than they had thought was possible. It was Anna, who reacted first again, clapping her hands and walking over to sit down at the table, patting on the seat next to her and looking at Joanna, until she moved and joined her. Slowly but surely all the servants followed their example and finally they started talking again. It was quiet and cautious but the longer they sat, the louder and more relaxed they became. Dean and Castiel sat down at one of the ends of the large tables, sitting as close next to each other as possible, their hands resting on each others legs, fingers intertwined. It was unusual and it sent shivers down Dean’s spine, making him feel almost as if they had just started dating, rather than already having been to third base. The dinner was wonderful. Anna entertained the whole table with stories about how stupid and annoying _‘Mistress Lilith’_  (she said her name in such a hilarious manner, that everyone at the table couldn’t stop laughing) was and what she would love to do to her. Dean didn’t really participate in the chatter and neither did Castiel, other than the occasional comment and ‘you’re welcome, you deserve this’, when one of the servants came over to thank him personally for his hospitality. It was around 1 in the morning, when the first people stood up and stated they had to get to bed. As the Master and Mistress wouldn’t be back in the afternoon, Castiel had told them to sleep in but in the back of their minds they knew they had to manage all their work somehow, until they came back. Dean and Cas helped Ellen and Jo and Anna to wash the dishes and remove all traces of the feast and it was already past 3, when the girls left the kitchen, leaving Dean and Cas alone. Dean was leaning against the sink unit with Cas sitting on a chair right in front of him, absentmindedly holding his hand, sharing a long, wordless look. It was completely silent in the kitchen until Dean cleared his throat and moved his hand out of Cas’ grip, resting it gently on top of his head and stroking the long, dark strands of hair. When he spoke, his voice was quiet, still uncertain and diffident and kind of pathetic.

“I-.. I missed you, Cas…..”

*

Cas’ expression had been one of slight worry when Dean pulled his hand from his grasp, but it softened when his lover spoke, the words pulling at his heart and making his chest tighten with a sympathetic pain.

“I missed you too Dean…”

Cas stood up and wrapped his arms around Dean’s form, feeling instantly how much leaner the man was. Everyone at the estate was thinner these days, and that came from Mistress Lilith’s rationing of food, as she stated that ‘winter was coming and we must be prepared for long months with little to eat’. It was really just an excuse to control yet another aspect of the manor, and the people who lived there. Cas pulled back to kiss Dean hard, pressing all of his emotions into the firm kiss, trying to get across just how much he had missed Dean in the the few months they’d been forced to be apart.

He led them upstairs in silence, stopping only now and then to press Dean against the corner of a wall or into the wall in the stairwell, kissing him again passionately, stealing breath and moans alike from the man’s throat.

They barely make it to Cas’ bedroom before clothes start coming off, hands working buttons and laces rapidly, frantic to touch one another after so long a time apart. Castiel’s voice is hushed, but raw as he speaks against Dean’s jawline, nipping and kissing between words.

“I missed you so much Dean… I cannot be without you… You are my light, everything is dark and dreary when you are gone…”

Cas slipped a hand inside of Dean’s loosened trousers and wrapped it around his semi hard cock, stroked slowly as he continued speaking, both of them walking back to the bed, the curtains around the bed thrown back so they can tumble onto the heavy comforter. Cas knelt above Dean, rocked his hips down against his lover’s and shut his eyes with a sweet hiss.

“Want you to make love to me Dean… take away this place with your touch.. don’t want to remember where I am…”

He leaned down and captured Dean’s lips with his own once again, bare chest to bare chest, warm flesh rippling with goose flesh in the cool early morning air.

*

Dean’s eyelids flew open at Castiel’s whispered words and he was grateful for the night’s darkness, as it covered the dark red spreading all over his cheeks. He had fantasized about this since months, pinning Castiel down on his ridiculously large bed and devouring him, making him scream his name in return for all the times, Castiel had made Dean feel that same way. He never would’ve asked, though, so Castiel asking, practically begging him to, was just another thing that had been on his list of unconscious wishes and desires. He pulled back a little and licked his lips, looking up into Castiel’s shimmering eyes, moonlight reflecting back and making the blue orbs even more beautiful, mysterious than usual.

_‘_ _Are you sure?’_

The words were already on the tip of his tongue but before he could breathe them out, his body moved on its own, hands gripping Castiel’s sides and pulling him down, as his lips found his lover’s and captured them in a breathtaking kiss. Suddenly Dean’s hands were everywhere, stroking Castiel’s sides, tangling inside his hair, gently scratching down on the sides of his arms, teasing shivers and moans out of the man beneath him. He reached down, ripping Castiel’s pants down his legs and tossing them to the side, before moving down his body, kissing his stomach, dipping his tongue inside his bellybutton and finally, finally reaching his cock. Maybe it was the months of being afraid, of having to hurry everything he did in order to prevent cruel punishment.. but more probably it was just the fact that they hadn’t been together for such a long time, that made Dean not wanting to waste any time. He wrapped one hand around the base of Castiel’s already throbbing member and lowered his mouth to suck him down almost completely. The sweet moans Castiel made were like honey, like an aphrodisiac, spurring Dean on, making him move his head and tighten his lips and circle his tongue around his lover.

*

Cas wanted to lose himself in Dean, in his smell and taste, the heat of his body and the steady beat of his heart. He had been the whipping boy for Lilith these past few months, taking her anger whenever he could so that the servants wouldn’t have to. He ran interference and snuck food, clothes and blankets out to the staff when he could, and had been in the process of getting medicine and a doctor to the injured boy when he died. It left Cas broken, to know that one of the members of this estate had died and he could have stopped it. After that he avoided Lilith whenever he could, but continued to work behind her back to try and improve the lives on the staff, and argued almost daily with his Father about her tactics.  
The Master was blinded by love however, and felt that whatever Lilith wanted was what was best for the manor. After all, she wouldn’t ruin what was hers, right? But he was dying, and the more Castiel bothered him the further apart they grew, and the closer the chokehold Lilith had on the Master became. Soon Master Milton didn’t even speak to Castiel, and ignored almost everyone else on the estate, save for Lilith.  
She thrived on the attention that he gave her, and took her rage out on everyone else around, so he only ever saw her bright, smiling side. Never the cruel snarl that everyone else saw.

Cas hated it with ever fiber of his being that he was so helpless to do anything to stop what was happening. He’d spent so many nights crying himself to sleep, alone, wishing that Dean was there, wanting to be lost in Dean’s arms. This moment right now might be the only moment they had together in the forseeable future though, and Cas intended to use every second to drink Dean in, like he was stocking up for a drought that he feared was coming any day.

“Dean….a..ah!”

As Dean worked his hands and mouth over Castiel’s body, the man reacted vocally, not caring about anything else but the attentions of the gorgeous freckled man between his shaking thighs.

“P-please…Dean….”

He shuddered, hips bucked up as Dean took Cas deep inside his mouth again, pulling another harsh cry from the man’s throat.

“I need you!”

*

Dean pulled back after less than five minutes, lips wet with saliva and pre-cum, looking up at Castiel out of lidded eyes. He licked over Castiel’s tip once more, before crawling back up and pressing his lips on his lover’s, drinking in the gasping moans he made, as their naked bodies glided over each other. Dean’s hands found the back of Castiel’s legs then, lifting them up carefully but determinedly, before grabbing the bottle of oil in the drawer of the night stand and coating index and middle finger of his right hand with plenty of it.

“Just a little longer, my love”, he said, as his fingers found Cas’ entrance and pushed in gently, his lips covering Castiel’s and drinking in his soft moans “I want you so much, Cas.. you… have  _no idea_ , how much I love you……”

He was sure that Castiel would say something to this but Dean didn’t give him any chance to, as he bent his fingers to brush over his sweet spot, making him cry out in pleasure and dig his fingernails deep into Dean’s thin but muscular arms. He moved his fingers in and out several times, letting a third join and gave his best to prepare his lover as good as possible. It was almost embarrassing, how excited and nervous Dean was, when he finally removed his fingers and found Castiel looking up at him out of lidded eyes that spoke so loudly of trust and love that he felt like suffocating from the power of those emotions. Once more Dean reached for the glass bottle, coating his own hard cock with as much of the oil as he thought was necessary. Then he settled in between his thighs, taking a deep breath and lifting his hips. He could see Castiel’s cock twitch in anticipation, sweat running down his thighs and mixing with the oil around his entrance. And then he moved forward, his dick sliding slowly inside the tight warmth of his lover, inch by inch, Dean stopping every now and then when the expression on Castiel’s face seemed more pain than pleasure.

”..g-god… Cas……”

*

Castiel’s hands slide up Dean’s arms, slowly brushing over his beautiful muscles, bumping over each defined ridge until they land around Dean’s neck. Cas’ thumbs brush over Dean’s jawline, breath hitching in his throat as Dean bottoms out inside of him, the hot throb inside of his body new and wondrous.

“Dean…”, Castiel breathes the name out, his voice barely above a whisper.

“I am okay….please….m-move…I want to…need to, feel you…”

Cas slowly arches his hips up, his body shaking slightly from the new feelings riding through him, the sensations absolutely mind-blowing. He never thought that he would get to experience this, having Dean love him so completely, so utterly beautifully.

*

It’s so intense, Dean can’t breathe for a few moments. Looking down on the man he loved since before he even knew what love was, looking at Cas,  _his Cas_ , spread out beneath him and returning his look with just as much love and desire was almost as breathtakingly beautiful as the knowledge of their bodies melting against each other, becoming one. He leans his head slightly to the side, brushing his lips against Castiel’s palm on his face, kissing it gently and drawing his tongue over the damp sweat on his hand. His own hands grip Castiel’s hips then, tight but careful not to bruise; and then he starts moving. Slowly at first, thrusting in as far as possible and pulling out almost completely before pushing back in. Cas moans, louder than Dean’s used to and he loves it. Loves how Cas comes apart beneath him, by his doing. He leans down, pressing their lips together once, twice before pulling back again and accelerating the pace until he’s slamming inside his lover, drawing moans and gasps and sweet cries of pleasure from his lips. It doesn’t take long until Dean feels the familiar and eagerly awaited pressure building up just below his stomach, pooling in his groin and he bites his lip, lifting up Cas’ hips a bit to find a new angle and wrapping one of his hands around his dick.

“‘m close… Cas, I’m gonna…”

And that is as much as he’s able to say, before bright white explodes in front of his eyes and an almost surprised gasp escapes his lips, as he pushes in one more time, filling his lover until there’s not a drop left. Somewhere, from the corner of his eyes, he realizes that Cas must’ve come too, his own hand is coated with warm wetness but in this very moment all he can do is sink down, half on top, half next to him and just breathe.

*

Castiel wraps his arms around Dean and just tries to breathe, his body in sensation overload, every nerve ending on fire from the pleasure Dean just bestowed upon him. He curls his hands in Dean’s hair and whispers to him, words soft and choked on emotion.

“I love you…. so much Dean. We will be together, even if I have to leave this place and everything it is for us both behind. I refuse to give you up now that I have you…”

Cas shivers slightly, his hips canting down to give Dean an easier angle to lie across them.

“…You are the most important person in my life. I will never…. NEVER let someone take you from me… or me from you…. again.”

He kisses gently over Dean’s temple, brushes a hand over the man’s racing pulse in his neck, and lets out a soft sigh.

“…You are my world… you are… everything.”

*

Dean lies still for a while, letting Castiel’s words sink in, as he holds him close, hand curling around his neck and nestling the short hair there. He’s breathless, speechless from Castiel’s profession of love, his devotion and passion. When he finally finds his voice, he doesn’t say what he wants to, doesn’t confess what he desperately needs Castiel to know…

“We can’t, Cas…”

Cas stills in his arms, his fingers digging slightly in the warm skin around Dean’s hips and Dean continues.

“I want to be with you for the rest of my life,  _you know_  I do… but.. we can’t leave this place, Cas… not now, not like this. I could never leave Sammy with… with her… and Ellen and Jo and Anna and… everyone… Cas, we can’t let Lilith win. She’s gonna kill everybody eventually.”

It pains him to say this but it’s the truth and as much as Cas wants to believe it isn’t, he knows too. Dean can see it in his eyes, as he looks up at him with hurt and grief…

*

Pain flickered over Cas’ eyes when Dean spoke, telling him that they couldn’t… but it quickly changed into grim understanding. Dean was right. They couldn’t leave, not while Lilith was here. Something would have to be done. A sick feeling settled into Castiel’s stomach at the realization that the only way to get rid of her was to scare her off, or kill her.

“What do we do, Dean? …My Father… she is in his will now. I no longer get the estate when he passes on… Lilith has complete control.”

There’s a bit of blind panic in his voice and eyes when he said this, his blue eyes searched Dean’s for a bit of reassurance, a possible solution to the problem that had reared its ugly head like a cobra, dangerous and volatile.

Castiel didn’t desire to leave the manor, but he also refused to see his love once in a great while, when his Father and Lilith were gone. And things could not continue as they had been. There was not a single soul on the manor grounds that was happy. It was as if Lilith’s icy hand had spread a plague of unhappiness and fear, lingering in the doorways as shadows, just waiting to strike when any of the staff were at their weakest.

*

“I don’t know… I don’t know love…”

Dean hates this, hates his own powerlessness, how they’re forced into blind obedience to this cruel enemy. They lie in silence until Dean hears Castiel’s breath evening out but he doesn’t stop stroking his backgently, holding him safe in his arms, trying to give him as much peace and comfort as he can.

Dean wakes at noon, eyes wide and body shaking, almost jumping out of bed. He looks around with confusion and only when his eyes fall on the slumbering body that’s pressing against his side, he realizes where he is and that they’re safe, at least for now. Castiel shifts in his arms and Dean lies back down, embracing him and breathing a gentle kiss against his temple.

“Cas… Cas”, he whispers, attempting to wake his lover as gentle as possible “Cas, I need to leave…..”

*

Cas murmurs in his sleep, something that sounds strangely like ‘mm…no…’, and curls tighter around Dean. It takes another gentle shake from Dean to wake him up, and then Cas is sitting up and yawning, blinking away the sleep awkwardly in the bright light.

“Mm….must be after noon..”

There’s a loud rapping knock on the door, and then Anna’s voice hisses out, muffled through the heavy wood, but its message is clear enough.

“They’re back!!!”

The dull thud of hooves on dirt sounds outside the window, a creak as the carriage door is opened and people disembark from the vehicle, and Castiel stiffens and snaps his head to Dean’s, eyes wide.

“….We must get you out of here…”

*

Dean is out of bed in a matter of seconds, crawling on the ground to retrieve his clothing and slipping inside hastily. He pulls on his second shoe a minute later and leans over to kiss Castiel quickly, before making his way over to the door. He opens it just a bit but there are already voices and footsteps audible from below and he quickly shuts it again, looking around in panic. The window! He opens the balcony door and slips outside, pulling it shut behind him and climbing over the railing. He’s done this a hundred times before but it’s different this time. He’s on the run, he’s terrified of what could… would happen, if Lilith found them together. He grabs a hold of the trellis he and Cas has repaired and enanced just a while ago and starts climbing down as fast as he can. He jumps down the last part, landing quietly in the grass and turning around.

“And where exactly are you coming from?”

He freezes. Ice-cold eyes are directed at him, a soft, cruel smile on those loathsome lips. Standing in between two of her personal servants, Lilith smiles at him with a kind of malicious glee.

“Please Ma’am… Mistress Lilith… I was just…”

“It seems like you were coming from inside the manor. Now, correct me if I’m wrong, but didn’t I express myself clearly when I first came here?”

Her smile widens and she starts circling Dean, slowly, dangerously, like a vulture.

“You are not permitted to enter the house. You were defying a strict order by your mistress and therefore I can only assume that you were trying to steal from the manor..”

Dean can’t move. His knees go weak and he feels his hands shaking, as Lilith continues, her mouth right next to his ear.

“I think I will have to punish you..”


	15. Chapter 15

Castiel had watched Dean leave through the balcony window, and then rushed to dress himself and get downstairs, knowing that his Father would want to see him. Anna stops him halfway down the stairs, eyes wide and terrified. Castiel has a sinking feeling immediately, his heart thudding loud in his chest as he holds onto Anna’s upper arms to hold her still while she babbles.

“She caught him Castiel, she caught him! And-…sh..she said she was going to punish him!”

Her hands tremble as she claws at Cas’ vest, and he can’t help but shake Anna gently.

“What? Anna, please, speak frankly!”

“…DEAN, Cas…Lilith caught Dean coming out of the manor…she…she’s going to hurt him, I just know it.”

Anna lets out a soft sob and covers her mouth, burying her face in Cas’ chest. He wraps his arms around her and calms his own face into an emotionless mask, knowing that his feelings would only make things worse right now.

“Thank you Anna…”

Cas takes the rest of the steps down to the main level of the manor calmly, trying to portray an air of confidence and professionalism, like he knows his Father desired of him. His Father had already retired to his den, but the servants titter about Lilith and Dean, and within a few minutes of coming downstairs Castiel knows what had happened…and where Lilith had taken his lover.

To the barn, the same place that Castiel had once made a grave error. Only Lilith would feel no remorse, only pleasure, in taking the punishment out of Dean’s hide, lash by bloody lash. All hints at a calm exterior fractur then in that moment, and Cas runs out the door just as his Father was coming out of his den, calling for him. For once in his life Castiel ignores his Father, and runs for everything he was worth down the dirt path to the barn, the only thought in his head being ‘DEAN DEAN DEAN!!!’

*

Dean fights back. He struggles against the strong arms of Lilith’s lackeys, pulling and shoving and yelling. They pass several servants on their way down to the barn, his colleagues, his friends. But nobody says a word. Nobody moves. They’re dumbfounded, rigid with fear and Dean can’t blame them. He knows the feeling. Feels it creeping through his own body, ice cold liquid where his blood once burned hot. The taller man lets go of him for a moment to push the door of the barn open and Dean gets shoved inside, stumbling forwards and falling down on his knees, feeling his pants rip and his skin scraping up.

“Please… Mistress….. I didn’t.. search me, please, I would never-“

“Silence.”

Lilith enters the barn right after them, waiting until the second guy closed the door, before stepping forward and lifting one leg to press the heel of her shoe into Dean’s side. He gasps, biting down on his lip to stifle the sound. There’s a grinding sound behind him and Dean knows instinctively what it is. He presses his eyes shut, taking in a shaky breath.

”..please…. please…”

The first lash hits him unprepared and he cries out, loud and pained.

“Don’t. Lie.”, Lilith sneers right behind him, crouching down next to him and pressing something… a cloth soaked with some sort of liquid, on the welt on his back, causing him to hiss in pain.

“Go on.”

The whip swishes down again and again and again and just like the last time, Dean lowers his head, squeezes his eyes shut and waits, endures. Memories awaken deep inside of him; Castiel’s emotionless face, the anger when Dean had disrespected him, called him by his nickname, the fury when he had taken the whip and punished him by himself, again and again. Cas… kissing his wounds, taking care of him, apologizing over and over and… their first kiss… the first time they had spent the night together, the first time Dean had been inside of him…

A single tear runs over his cheek, blending with the droplets of blood on the ground.

*

The door to the barn has also stuck, rumbling open only under extreme force, but for Castiel in this moment, it moves as if the wheels were coated in the finest grease, gliding open with a harsh slam. He stands in the doorway, panting for a moment, but shrieks the minute he sees the whip lash out and land, almost like a paintbrush across Dean’s back, painting new red slashes where it landed, blood weeping to the surface and sliding down Dean’s skin. The shirt that had covered his muscled back is ripped open, the lacerations across his back open to the air. Dean looks pitiful, curled in on himself, sobbing and crying out in pain whenever the whip landed. Castiel runs to his side, stumbling the last few feet and covering Dean’s back with his body, sobbing out a terrified and furious command.

“ _STOP THIS!!!_  You can’t DO this to people!!!”

The lackey that held the whip pauses, confusion laced over his face as his brows knit together at the scene before him.

“Mistress?”

Lilith snarls and kicks Cas, but he doesn’t budge, merely hunkered down over Dean tighter.

_“_ _Get out of the way you impertinent little brat!!!”_

“No.”

Castiel’s voice is dark, tainted with the utter disgust and fury he felt for the woman who his Father had brought to their home, like bringing in a starving wolf and expecting it to play nice with the chickens. Lilith sneers at him, face a hideous mask of anger and wrath at being disobeyed and ignored like this.

“Fine… Then you will take his punishment in his place”, she snaps and stalks over to wrench the whip from her lackeys hand.

“Mistress… Master Milton will-“

“ **BE QUIET!  I WILL DO WHAT I DEEM NECESSARY TO INSTILL OBEDIENCE AND ORDER IN THIS PLACE**!”

The silence in the room is only broken by a horse nickering softly, and Castiel breathing heavily from his running.

“It’s okay Dean….” He whispers, and then the whistle of the whip ends with a crack, and a sob of pain breaks from Cas’ lips.

Again, and again, and again- whistle- CRACK- and another muffled cry as Castiel bites the inside of his cheek to silence his cries, and holds onto Dean, making sure that he touches the man’s back as little as possible while shielding him with his body.

“This will teach you to disobey me, you filthy disgusting-“

“….What is the meaning of this…..”

The voice is stern, commanding even though it was quiet and even toned. Lilith whirled around, eyes wide, the hand holding the bloody whip trembling.

“My love…”

“….Lilith… are you whipping… my son?” Master Milton’s voice halts, wavering just slightly over the words ‘my son’. His grip on his cane is tight, eyes narrowed at her as if he can’t believe he was actually seeing what he was seeing.

“He!…I…The boy, the servant boy, Dean… he was stealing-“

“Liar…” Castiel manages to choke out, coughing from the force of the whipping.

“Be quiet, Castiel… I will deal with this…” For once, there is tenderness in his voice as he speaks to his son. There’s a look of pain over his face as the Master looks down at the bleeding cuts criss crossing his son’s back. He shakes his head and looks at Lilith, eyes sad.

“…You will leave,  _today_. You will take your servants, and your clothes, and everything you brought with you-“

_“_ _My love!?”_

“….You are no longer welcome in my home, Lilith…. Your disregard for human life has been shown time and again. I may not be a  _kind_ man… but I will not tolerate abuse of my family. Not to this degree. You have taken enough liberties… and it is time for you to leave. I will have my son Gabriel draw up divorce papers, and you will be stricken from my will, effective immediately.”

Lilith balks at his words, dropping the whip. Her lower chin quivers then, but she manages to tilt her head up, looking down at the Master as if she pitied him.

“If that is what you wish.”

“It is. Now,  _go_.” Without another word he turns his back on her and hobbles his way over to Castiel and Dean.

“….Castiel…my boy…”

Cas slowly unfolds his body from around Dean, revealing matching cuts across his lover’s back to his Father’s eyes, and suddenly the situation makes itself plain to the head of the manor.

“….Castiel….do… _do you love this boy_?”

Castiel flinches, the tone in his Father’s voice grave. He nods slowly, eyes trained on the still bleeding marks over Dean’s back, tears threatening to fall as he blinked.

“…Yes, Father… I do.”

*

Dean had wanted to push Cas away, to tell him to go, to make him stop sacrificing himself for him, but his voice had died the moment he had felt his strong arms around his body, his warm skin against his own and the tears had started to run down over his face. He had kept crying silently, embraced by his love, listening to the words of their master, Castiel’s father, and their tormentress without understanding a word. Finally the voices, the muffled sounds die down and Dean is greeted with silence. The next words he hears clear as a bell, loud and soft and final and if he had any strength left, he would have gotten up and tried to stand by his lover. The silence gets louder, if that’s even possible, until Dean can’t bear keeping still. He moves, straightens himself up as far as he can until he can see Castiel’s eyes. Tears match the ones on Dean’s cheeks and slowly he lifts one hand to brush them away. He doesn’t dare looking at his master, too afraid of the disgust, the repulse he would most certainly see in his face.

“I didn’t..”

The voice of the master is surprisingly calm when he speaks again, his hesitation the only indication of his confusion.

“I did not expect that from you Castiel. I heard about your… lapse of taste in boarding school.. but I was under the impression the matron had knocked this out of you..”

*

Castiel stands on shaky legs, looking down at the hobbled figure of his Father. He takes a deep breath and then squares his shoulders, standing tall, despite the screaming pain in his back.

“…Dean has been a better friend to me, more loyal and trustworthy, than anyone in my life, Father. He cares for the manor, for the grounds and the house and the people here, as if each piece was a part of his very soul. I love him, for everything he is and everything he does and everything he will be. And he loves me…and he supports me. I know that you judge me for this, deem our love an abomination, wrong in the eyes of God..”

He swallows hard against the pain and then shakes his head slowly.

“I cannot see that God would give me such a person in my life, only for me to never be allowed to enjoy the warmth of their company.”

“…You need a woman, Castiel, not a man. You cannot have children with a man, you cannot marry a man. You cannot form a life, with a man.”

“…I imagine I could form a more stable, loving life with Dean than I ever could with any woman, child and marriage be damned.”

The Master’s eyes widen and he scoffs, the curse word the first he had ever heard out of his son’s mouth. He chuckles slightly then, face softening around the edges, his eyes losing the harsh coldness.

“Castiel…you….have grown into a fine young man. Your work on the manor and the grounds is exemplary. I can think of no one better to inherit this estate than you.”

He frowns slightly.

“But I cannot condone this…this relationship, you have fostered with your servant-“

“Then we will leave. Dean and I will go, and never return. As long as someone is here to look after his family and our friends, and Lilith is gone from this place… we will be fine, leaving.”

The Master’s eyebrows shoot up, surprise lacing over his face.

“You….would leave…you would abandon your family and your home, for him?”

“Yes. I would….I would do anything for him, Father.”

He twitches slightly, the warm trickle of blood down his back that falls with a dull dripdripdrip on the beaten dirt floor emphasizing his point. His Father frowns, mouth pinched tight in the center of his face.

*

When Dean lifts his head to look at his master eventually, he sees the disapproving look just as he had anticipated. But there’s something else. Something he would never have expected to see. Sympathy. And respect. Charles Milton doesn’t smile when he speaks up again but his voice is soft and understanding.

“I see….. I know that I haven’t been.. what you would call a good father. Neither for you nor for any of your siblings. But I can admit a mistake if I made one.”

Dean feels Cas stiffen next to him, his hand grabbing Dean’s hip tighter in what Dean knows is surprise and disbelief.

“From what I understand, your sister helped with the reorganization of the manor, as did Mr and Mrs Singer?”

He waits until Castiel nods, then proceeds.

“I am not in the shape to take control of everyday life at this estate anymore. Therefore, if you agree, I will devolve my duties as the man of this house to Anna, Mr Singer and his wife.”

*

Castiel nods again and watches as his Father reaches out to shake his hand, then leaves the pair alone in the barn, hobbling back toward the manor on worn out legs. Cas collapses to the ground the minute his Father is far enough away not to see him anymore, stunned into silence. He sits there for a moment, just staring at the ground, and then slowly swallows and looks over at Dean, the very begginnings of a smile twitching at the corners of his lips.

“…We are free, Dean…we….we can leave. Everyone is safe…and we can leave…and be together.”

Cas takes a shuddering breath, and then lets out a sob.

“F…Forever.”

*

The sight of Castiel’s relief, his pure and utter bewilderment leaves Dean breathless for a moment. He reaches out then, fleeing into his arms, wrapping his own around Cas’ hips and pressing himself against him.

“You’re…you’re hurt… because of me.. I-“

He stops, breath hitching in his throat as he realizes the meaning of Castiel’s words.

“W-we.. Cas…. we… we can leave..-?!”

He pulls away slightly, just far enough to look up into Castiel’s eyes and finally there’s a smile on his own lips as well.

“Cas!”

He pulls Cas back in, lifting his own head far enough to reach for his lips, bringing their mouths together in a sloppy, rushed kiss, so full of relief and gratefulness and love.

They take their time, helping each other to readjust their clothes as good as possible, finally throwing a blanket over both of their shoulders. Their way back up to the manor is unpleasant, the servants still standing and staring at them, until finally Anna, Jo and Sam come running down from the house.

“Father told us.. god, Dean… Castiel….”

Sam wraps his arm around Dean’s hip and Anna steadies Castiel, as they make their way up and inside. While the girls clean the lash wounds with warm water and antiseptics, Dean tells Sam about their plans and is surprised to find Sam completely on board. He makes him promise to let him come visit them and to write but he gives them their blessing.

*

It takes Dean and Castiel two weeks to heal, during which they stay in Castiel’s room, and his Father turns a blind eye. Anna and Sam take care of them, learning everything about dressing wounds from Ellen.

Despite the pain, Cas finds that the two weeks are the most enjoyable of his life, filled with people he loves taking care of him, and the weight of the fear that Dean would be taken from him at any moment lifted from his shoulders, gone for the first time in his life.

They speak about their plans, coming up with a more solid plan to build a small cottage deep in the forest, just off of the Milton estates, near a lake that was fed by multiple streams. It was deep in the winter, icing over by the end of November. In the summers, the water was cool and perfect for swimming, free from the leeches that filled other ponds and streams nearby.

Sam would help them build, as would other servants from the manor, and they would have money from Castiel’s inheritance to buy the things they would need for a civilized life.

By the end of the two weeks they had two horses ready for them, and a couple more to pull the wagon that carried their supplies. A small gathering of friends and family gathered on the porch to say goodbye to the pair, Ellen and Anna tearful behind hankerchiefs.

*

Dean feels bad for leaving his brother and friends back and Castiel had spent the last weeks both comforting and scolding him about it. Sam is fine. He had grown into a fine young man and he himself told Dean time and time again, that he would be okay, that he and Cas deserved some time off, deserved security, deserved being with each other. So when they mount their horses and turn their backs on their home, Dean still feels weird. But as he looks over at the person riding by his side, the person he loves with all his heart and wants to spend the rest of his life with - Dean is okay. They would return one day; Castiel’s father wouldn’t live forever and had insinuated that once he was gone, they would be free to return and Castiel could run the manor once again. So, much to his own surprise, Dean is okay. Castiel would regularly exchange letters with his father and Dean finds that he likes this Cas even better. Relaxed and at peace with himself and his whole family. There would be countless visits of family and friends in the following years, picnics by the lake, carriage rides into the town and the marriage of Anna and Chuck - but most of all it was about  _them_ , about Dean and Cas. Dean had figured that spending their everyday life together would somehow draw them apart, when in fact it did the exact opposite. After days of hard work, they would sink in bed together, sharing their warmth, their love more intense than ever before.

And when Charles Milton died in the winter five years later, Dean and Cas finally came back home. Cause that was what Milton Manor always had been. Through the good and bad times, through neglect and hunger, through prosperity and health.

_Home._

_**THE END** _


End file.
